MY EYES GO BLINK

My chocolate diet drink,

I dumped it down the sink,

It tasted like pen ink,

It made my eyes go blink,

And my bulging eyeballs pink.

JUNGLE DOT LIVES ON MY LOT

Jungle Dot lives on my lot and hides in the backyard yews,

Jungle Dot thought the indoors was rot when she hit her terrible twos,

Now, Jungle Dot may have abandoned her room,

But, when the storms come, inside she will zoom,

Then, she's Dorothy the kid with window yew views.

FROSTING AND THE BEAR ON SKATES

I spotted a bear on ice skates come zooming from across the lake,

He eyed me as I stuffed my mouth with frosting covered cake,

So I dropped my cake and fled,

With hope I would not soon be dead,

The bear stoped to lick off the frosting, so my soul he did not take.

MY LITTLE FISH FARM LIMERICK

My little fish farm sprang a big leak,
Then all my fish washed down to the creek,
Away went my mammon, 
Of fresh farm raised salmon,
Now my dinners will be very meek.

ICE FISH TO FIT MY PAN AND DISH

I only keep the little fish,

Because they fit my pan and dish,

I fish out on the ice,

Each week I go twice,

At least till the hard ice goes squish.

"I HAVE TRINKETS FOR SALE, BEEP BEEP"

I bought a box of trinkets, cheap,

I bought them from a a trinkets creep,

His voice was all nasal,

His breath smelled of witch hazel,

He ended every sentence with "beep, beep".

IT IS JANUARY ONE, ONE

Today is January One, One,

I am so glad last year is done, done,

I got Covid disease,

Got bit by sand fleas,

This year, Nuclear war sounds fun, fun.

GRIEVE AND HEAVE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE

The big ball was dropped on New Year's Eve,🕛🎉🎉🎉🔔

It crushed a guy below, named Steve,🚶

There was not time for us to grieve,😢

The drinks were gone, and it was time to leave,🍷🍸🍹🍻

We all went home to have a heave.   🚽

WARNING: BUTTERMILK DOES NOT COME FROM BUTTERFLIES

I tried to milk some buttermilk from butterflies who flied,

But I did not get no buttermilk, and all the butterflies died,

Woe is me,

I should have set them free,

At their memorial I cried and cried.

,

BETTER LUCK IN 2023

On the Eve of New Year's, I went beddybye,

It was long before midnight so, I missed the old year die,

But it was year of bad dealings,

So I had no feelings,

Save that next year will not go awry.

END OF YEAR AIR TRAFFIC BOOHOO

It's the end for 2022,

Boohoo, boohoo,

No use to fret and stew,

Not much one can do,

But figure out which airlines, that we need to sue.

2022, THE YEAR OF CHANGE

I need to change in the year 2022,

Or it will be another year that I truly rue,

I'll paint my bedroom blue,

Buy all my sweats brand new,

And hang out at classy places with a better smelling crew,

I FED MY PET UNTIL I WAS INSANE

I once had a pet  blood sucker named Pete,

Only my blood Pete would eat,

And as Pete grew much fatter,

I became mad as a hatter,

Lack of blood caused my brain to delete.

MONSTERS GET YOY

We know where the monsters are, they living out in your sleep,

And if you do not keep awake, they will make your kinfolk weep,

The monsters are scary,

All big and all hairy,

And they can eat you before you go "Beep".

SANTA WHO DRIVES THE SLEIGH, HAS A PRINCETON MBA

Santa made reindeer jerky, after he stored away the sleigh,

Santa made plenty of jerky, enough to feed the elves until May,

Santa made reindeer stew,

With the veggies he grew,

Using retired reindeer, so pension payments went away.

SELF-STICKING FLOOR TILE IS TRICKEY

I bought some floor tile but made the wrong pick,
My self-sticking floor tile didn't want to stick,
So, I got out some glue,
And, when I was through,
I knew self-sticking floor tile required a trick.

SIDE AFFECTS WHEN MAKING MOUTH MASH FOR CASH

There was a little angel, sitting on my toe,

He was scratching his back, on the toenail I let grow,

There was a little devil, sitting on my knee

He whacked my knee with his hatchet, and boy did that hurt me,

And, on my belly sat the prettiest unicorn,

He stabbed my belly deep with his twisted, sharpened horn,

Then in my mouth there was the devil fermenting mash,

He said he'd make it up to me, when he bootlegged his whiskey for some cash.

THE SOUP DECEIT

I limped down the street with my work tired feet,👣

I was looking for a booth with hot soup to eat,🍜

I entered one and got soup,🍵

Like a cold ice cream scoop,🍦

It pained me with brain freeze, and I resent the deceit. 🤕😡😠

TIM BLOWS THE SNOW LIMERICK

Tim blows the snow all winter long,

Wearing heavy cloths and a woolen thong,

He sings a jolly snowblower song,

One might conclude Tim is ding dong,

But if he blows my drive, I'll admit I'm wrong.

REVENGE IS BEST SERVED SALTY

The kitchen boss called me a stup,

A certified nincompoop,

That made me so mad,

I done a real bad,

I poured too much salt into the soup.