TRACK THREE THANKS TO BARLEY

Two Track Michigan was where I was born,

One track led into town, one track led out to corn,

Then, along came Mr. Farley,

He changed out corn to hops and barley,

Now a third track the beer trucks adorn.

I BUILT A CITY IN JUST 4 SQUARE FEET

I built a model city using only 4 square feet,

It even has a factory that makes drums for kids to beat,

And of course it has a tiny train,

With a small airport for a plane,

And through a window at city hall, sits the mayor in his seat.

TROLLNG FOR MONSTERS WAY OUT IN THE BAY

I was trolling for monsters way out on the bay,
I thought I had caught one when my line spooled away,
But, it was negative rub,
When up came the sub,
Then, the sub dove and I followed, good day.

I was trolling for monsters way out in the bay, 
Then, a big one swallowed me and my boat all the way,
My mind was real dizzy,
As I was digested in fizzy,
Now, as poop on the bottom I lay.

I was trolling for monsters way out in the bay,
When I fell in love with a monster some fishermen say,
Our first hatched we named Barry,
Was both scaly and hairy,
Married a walrus and moved to LA.




  



 

I SLEEP AT MY WORKSTATION

I sleep too much and do too little they said,

I sleep at my workstation as much as in bed,

But, their thinking is not deep,

For it is only at work that I sleep,

Afterwork, the wildside is where I will tread.

DEAD GREENS IN THE LAND CALLED ZOO.

DEAD GREENS IN ZOO MICHIGAN

My garden grew and grew,

Then it was suddenly through,

The frost stopped by,

Made my greens all die,

And it's June in KALAMAZOO.

THE TOO TIGHT TIE KNOT

My airway was cut off by my ties too tight knot,

Usually, I leave it loose but this time I forgot,

My boss let me lie on the floor,

For three days, maybe four,

Then had me removed when I started to rot.

 

MY DIET DID NOT GO WELL

I went to sneak a piece of pie,

But a candy bar caught my eye,

To treat them both equal,

I ate them together, not in sequel,

The next day I plead the fifth and didn't lie. 

A LAMENT FOR BILLY THE BATTERY

Billy was a battery,
He didn’t last very long,
His very short longevity,
Seems extremely wrong,

Now Billy’s lost and tormented soul,
Is haunting me every night,
His untimely death has taken its toll,
I can’t see with my worthless flashlight.

BAD WOOD

Will went out in the forest to carve some wood,

Will found a branch, he carved it good,

He carved a fighting stick,

But a wolf broke it quick,

Then Will was like nana, in Red Riding Hood.

MARSUPIAL STEW

I went and scraped marsupials off the road today,

I had to really scrape them, cause they had dried up in the clay,

Consider yourself a winner,

Cause we're having them for dinner,

I know it does not smell so good, but it keeps the bears away.

 

EATING RAW FUNGI AND CAPITAL GAINS

I ate raw fungi and it ate my brains,

I no longer functioned and felt aches and pains,

I bottled the stuff,

Claimed it made people look buff,

Sold my business to Wall Street for capital gains.

BLITHER BLOTHER SAYS "CANDY CANE"

Blither Blother was insane,

All he'd say is "candy cane",

At 42, no potty train,

In the shower he would drain,

But genius tested, was his brain.

BLITHER BLOTHER RAIN

Blither Blother stood in the rain, 

Looking through his window pain,

Wishing that he had a brain,

And stayed inside with his toy train,

Licking on a candy cane.

FEELINGS THE DOG AND BLUE THE CAT

There was a dog named Feelings,
Feelings liked to roll around in the dirt,
His master kept Feelings all penned up,
Because he didn’t want his feelings hurt.

There was a cat named Blue,
He was mean and kind of scary,
Blue would eat only fruit this is true,
Now he looks like a fat blue berry.

MY LITTLE CHIPPY LIMERICK

My little chipmunk has become very crazed,
Since he was a little chippy, on peanuts I raised,
Now he foams at the mouth,
He caught rabies in the South,
And when he gets way to close, he gets tazed.

I WAS ABDUCTED BY ORB ALIENS

I went out fishing in the early afternoon,

I tripped out toward the big fish where I saw moon after moon,

But the moons were orbs on the bay,

They all took me away,

I hope to be back fishing, real soon.

My Travel Journal's Final Entry

When they say Michigan has a lot of tourist traps they must have been talking about getting lost on the back roads. It's getting late and I'm lost out in the backwoods of Northern Michigan.  Luckily, I see an old dirt two-track heading up a heavily wooded hill.  There's bound to be some friendly folks at the end of it who will give me directions back to the main road.  The sun is going down, so I have to take a chance and really, I don't have anything to lose.  

TOO LOOSE TO TREK

Sammy was a too loose goose; too loose to trek,

Sammy started up a hill and then said, "to heck"

Sammy had to way backtrack,

To the outdoor bathroom shack,

By the time he made it there, Sammy was a nervous wreck.

HEAVY DIRT

I went to buy some potting soil,
But, the bags were heavy and I had to toil,
Then, as the bags bounced in my car,
My car springs went ajar,
Hence, my car's smooth ride is a spoil.

I WENT AND SCUFFED MY TENNIS SHOE

I went and scuffed my tennis shoe,
A long black streak across the white and blue,
I was looking sheik,
My social life is now bleak,
My tennies look old, not new.