THE DARDEVLE CAUGHT THE MONSTER

I used the mighty Dardevle to catch me a big fish,

It was an enormous pike, and was a bucket list wish,

It darn near snapped, my wire line,

But, an intervention divine,

A lightning strike on the pike, fried the fish for my dish.

BOWLING WITHOUT DOLLARS, AND NASTY FEET

Jimmy went bowling, but he did not have much cash,

They would not rent him shoes, because of his foot rash,

While some guy used a bathroom stall, 

Jimmy borrowed his bowling ball,

When the guy came for his ball, Jimmy did a dash.

BACON GREASE SHORTAGE TANKS MICHIGAN ECONOMY

I got a card from Michigan, and this is what it said,

That everyone in Michigan, no longer ate fried bread,

A bacon grease shortage was the blame,

Canola oil, don't taste the same,

Bait shops worry arteries won't plug, then our worms won't get fed.

TERRY AND THE BLUE BALLS

Terry bought some pretty blue balls to play the four square game,

Terry thought his pretty blue balls, would bring his game some fame,

But when each ball got a smack,

Each burst and became a sack,

Now Terry and his four square game are looking pretty lame.

THE BACKWOODS BEAR POEM

The bears are hungry and out eating again,

Best be good and not mess with the abominable sin,

Some bears live in cabins, some live in deep throated caves,

But all bears eat the campers and make them scat fill for graves,

Don't think for an hour that you can out clever a bear,

Because he's coming right for ya, when he smells underwear,

Bears always eat people, bears never human detox,

For human flesh is much sweeter, than that of cow or the ox,

So twist and turn and stay awake in your bed,

For if you doze away, a bear will eat you dead,

Now enjoy your camping in our bug infested backwoods,

And hold tight your old precious, when you pass through bear hoods.

NO FOOD FOR MY BELLY, SO I FEED MY BRAIN INSTEAD

I was fishing on the river and snagging all my hooks,

I was always breaking line, and my hooks the river tooks,

I got down on one knee,

And did a prayer for me,

I still lost my hooks, so for supper, I read books.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED

My kite is flying high in the sky,

How it's there?  I don't know why,

It ain't no joke,

My kite cord broke,

Near a year ago, this Fourth of July.

BENNY GOLFED PAR WITH THE BIG BALL

Benny bought cheap glasses, and could barely see,

He used a soccer ball, when he went golfing with me,

The ball didn't travel far,

But it bounced into par,

It was a tough start, balancing the ball on the tee. 

I LOST MY TEETH PLAYING TETHERBALL

I lost my teeth playing tetherball,

That smack in my face should have been a foul call,

They almost called my next of kin,

And, the guy didn't need to play rough to win,

I'm 5'2" and he's 7' tall.

CLIFF FALLING, NOT AS SAFE AS IT LOOKS

I fell off a cliff and broke many a good bone,

Didn't hurt while I fell, that changed when I hit stone,

My mind conjured a thread,

With pics of me dead,

I woke up all stapled, and bolted, and sewn.

PLIGHT OF THE TUMBLED ME

Down the mountain I skied with fantastic skill

And the mountain I skied was no bunny hill,

Then came a horrible stumble,

I took a half mile tumble,

I work o.t. to pay my hospital bill.

A DAYLIGHT SAVINGS POSITIVE RESULT

Now I can golf one more hour,

That gives me some kind of power,

I love to cheat,

To win me an eat,

I just have to remember to shower.

Dave's Daylight Savings Time Outfit

Dave just had to start golfing, now that days have gone long,

He was all fitted up with new golf shoes and golf thong,

Not to be mean,

But out on the green,

The thong just kinda looked wrong.

I SWAM 3 METERS

I swam 3 meters and sank down 4,

If I hadn't stopped swimming I would have sunk down more,

Of course, I'm a human,

I'm not a fish,

And, swimming makes my human parts feel very sore.

BEN WALKED IN THE WOODS

Ben walked in the woods, overheated and froze,

He had ticks on his skin, and bugs up his nose,

He was very itchy,

Smelled of pine pitchy,

When he got home, he took a bath in his cloths.

IF I REALLY LIKED THE SNOW

If I really liked the snow,

Then today, outside I'd go,

I'd make snow angels, and make wings grow,

I'd build a fort; give enemies woe,

I'd cannon snowballs at sister, foe.

WEAR APPROPRIATE CLOTHING

When blogging a blog, wear blogger socks,

That's when my blog really rocks,

When trading stock online,

Drink red trader wine,

And those going running, wear running jocks. 

ZOMBIE CAMP

There are lots of zombies living out on backwoods streets,

Waiting for tourist, seasonal treats,

So come stay a spell,

Where the real zombies dwell,

Free camping, if you bring someone for eats.

"COME ALONG FOR THE EATS"

MY TETHER BALL IS STOLE

Someone stole my tether ball and left me just the string,

Now what am I supposed to do with just that stringy thing?

Do I play with it with passion?

Do I match cloths with it for fashion?

Maybe I'll buy a new tether ball, but I'll have to sell some bling.

TODD LOST HIS BASE

Todd looked all over the place,

But his feet couldn't find third base,

Todd was tagged out and became a disgrace,

No one would look him in the face,

Except Jean, who gave Todd bear mace,

Todd moved away to another place,

Where Todd just watched the ponies race,

And no one got on his case.