SKEDGEMOG LAKE RATTLESNAKE NEWS

I jumped into my boat and was bit by a giant rattlesnake,

I did not know how it got there, but I was at ole Skedgemog Lake,

I tried running up the shore, 

Made it to about yard four,

Then I realized I'd soon be honored, with a good old Irish wake.

MY WAR WITH LEPRECHAUN (WAR OF THE DAISIES).

A leprechaun ate my garden of daisies,

When I saw my garden, I got the crazies,

So I grabs me a stick,

For that leprechaun, sick,

But, he tazered me first with some tazies.  

DONNY DO NOT SIT, OR ELSE YOU'LL HEAR A RIP

Because Donny's diet he darn, done quit,

Donny's massive girdle did not quite fit,

So Donny's fab brand new suit,

Was a tailor's troubleshoot,

The suit fit; long as Donny did not sit.

BARRY WAS A TWEETIE BIRDIE

Barry was a tweetie-birdie,
But, his tweets were way too wordy,
So, he quit using the vowel,
On verbs, he threw in the towel,
His tweets are now not so purdy.

Barry the singing bird was quite the tweeter,
He said nothing new; he was a tweet repeater,
His tweets were not bold,
They were copies so old,
Barry was just a tweet thief and a cheater.

FINALLY A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE

When there's big sunshine,

I feel warm, fine,

Fresh air with a whiff of pine,

I own the day; it's mine,

On the back porch I will wine and dine.

PLIGHT OF THE TUMBLED ME

Down the mountain I skied with fantastic skill

And the mountain I skied was no bunny hill,

Then came a horrible stumble,

I took a half mile tumble,

I work o.t. to pay my hospital bill.

LAST THOUGHTS FROM THE DITCH

Down the highway my car went fast, spinning,

If it were a race, I would have been winning,

But there was a glitch,

I found a deep ditch,

Then regretted I spent my life sinning.

I.PARTIED WITH THE NEIGHBOR'S BEAR

I saw a great big old bear chewing on my neighbor's face,

It didn't bother me since it wasn't happening on my place,

Then the bear and neighbor went inside,

Their bearmance they wanted to hide,

Later I went to visit, brought cold beers, about a case.

PAUL CAUGHT A CATERPILLAR BUT, IT WAS IN A BAD PLACE

Paul caught a caterpillar by sticking a finger up Paul's nose,

The caterpillar spun a cocoon and that's where a butterfly grows,

But, Paul don't care,

For his brain is mostly unaware,

Besides, some real strange life forms grow between Paul's gnarly toes.

WATER CONSERVATIVE WITH NO FRIENDS STANDING BY

Joe changes his bath water every 100 days,

That's why next to Joe, no one long standing stays,

Joe did buy brand new cloths,

Perfumed up like a rose,

Joe smelled fine, but soon returned to his sewage smelling ways.

I SMELLED SOMETHING NASTY TO THE DRAGON, WILLIAM TELL

A dragon came to see me and said his name was William Tell,

I replied that my name was Anonymous, a troll that lived in the well,

He didn't speak French so good,

I don't, but wish I could,

I mainly speak in Trollebic, a language based on smell.

TOLD THE DINOSAUR STORY AND MY FACE IS SORRY

I was told that dinosaurs never existed,

I was told my brain was evil and twisted,

That was such bad news,

That I sang the blues,

For that my face got slapped, and thrice fisted.

A DAYLIGHT SAVINGS POSITIVE RESULT

Now I can golf one more hour,

That gives me some kind of power,

I love to cheat,

To win me an eat,

I just have to remember to shower.

Little Goat Goes To School

Little Goat goes to school,

He gets straight A's, as a rule,

Goat once got a D,

In geometry,

Teach raised it to an A cause Goat's cool.

LITTLE GOAT GOES TO COLLEGE

A little goat ate all my flowers,

In record time, with his chewing powers,

I had to say

"Little goat, go away",

Now he lives in a dorm called The Towers.

THE RAW TRAVELIER

George needed to get his self some chaw,

So he traveled down to old Saginaw,

When George got off the Bus,

The police made a fuss,

For George traveled entirely raw.

WARNING: DON'T CHEW TOBACCO LITTLE VOLES

There was a little tobacco chewing vole,

He lived decrepit in my cereal bowl,

He had lost most of his teeth,

And, some jaw bone beneath,

Only oatmeal fills his tummy and his soul.

THE THREE HARPIES LIMERICKS

Three Harpies sat up in a tree,
Waiting still there just for me,
They were very rude,
They stole my barbequed food,
Now when I barbeque, they won’t let me be.

The three Harpies should go away, I wish,
They won’t leave me in peace to catch a fish,
When my bobber goes down in the lake,
Off my hook they take,
The food I need for my dinner dish.

Three Harpies got into my refrigerator today,
They ate all my food and din't offer to pay,
I now have nothing to eat,
My bankbook is deplete,
I wish those Harpies would  just go away.

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME AND ME

Today daylight savings time, it starts,
So the idle can run around in their golf carts,
But what about me,
I have to get up and can’t see,
I don’t play golf instead, I play darts.

MAXINE AND ROD

There once were two peas in a pod,

Their names were Maxine and Rod,

From their spacious abode,

They were cooked, then they goed,

Crowded into a can like the cod.