DON'T DRINK THE WATER ON MARS

Dan went to visit the pyramids of mars on vacation,

It was a hot dry place, that alien nation,

As the day got even hotter,

Dan just had to drink the water,

Whoops, there were only pay toilets at the space station.

 

POINTY FINGERS MISSED TEDDY BEAR

Pointy Fingers shoved his finger way up inside his nose,

Then he started bleeding from his nose, upon his cloths,

Pointy Fingers really did not care,

He just wanted to go home to Teddy Bear,

But mommy washed his face with the cold water from the hose.

THE BADGER AND THE WOLVERINE DID NOT PLAY SO WELL

The badger and the wolverine did not play very well,

I had to scold them both, and make them lie down for a spell,

But, why should my scolds be of care?

Well,  I'm a great big polar bear,

And, I can clean anybody's clock or ring-a-ding their bell.

MY FISH HAS A COATING

I like catching my fish dinner on my boat,

But, to clean the fish I need be remote,

So, instead of eating fish from my boating,

I buy cleaned fish with a coating,  

And, fry my fish in hot grease till they float.

GERBIL JONES AND DRONES

I have a little pet, named Gerbil Jones,

I let him chew on all the chicken bones,

When he turned five and twenty,

I figured I fed him plenty,

Now he delivers packages, by flying delivery drones.

PRAWNS

I love to eat tasty, butter fried prawns,

I eat a big plate when the sun makes new dawns,

It's my breakfast meal,

With fish smelly appeal,

I chew them as I window watch, doe deer with their fawns.

MY NAME IS DISMAL THE CLOWN

My fortunes were dismally down,

So I went to see the royal crown,

Because I protested,

I was arrested,

And sentenced to dress as a clown.

CAN I FRY FISH?

On my fishing trip I forgot my frying pan,

So, off to the store I quickly ran,

But, at the nearby store called Corn Cobs,

They had only sticks for kabobs,

So, I fried my fish in an old coffee can.

BEN WENT OUT HUNTING DEER

Ben went out hunting for deer,

He just had a sharp stick for a spear,

Ben found a ten point buck,

But Ben had no luck,

His spear failed, and he got pierced in his ear. 

JIMMY THE SPUD

Jimmy was a belligerent spud; in the fields he became a dictato,

He promised spuds glory and land, by taking lands from the tomato,

The tomatoes rolled away,

And just like Jimmy say,

There was more land for the Klan of Potato. 

REINCARNATION, PUTS THE UNIVERSE RIGHT

I have a pet protozoa named Drudge,

He once was a powerful judge,

But Drudge was so corrupt,

His term ended, abrupt,

Now he's a microbe living in small smudge.

THE GNOME RIND AND DINED

I went deep into the forest and what the heck did I find?

A fat little gnome chewing on a watermelon rind,

The watermelon was of course stolen,

But it was already in the gnome's colon,

I ordered him to pay for it, but the gnome, he declined.

TOUGH TIMES

When the groceries get gone and times get really hard,

Sometimes you eat supper from things found in the yard,

Sometimes you skip meat,

If there's no bugs to eat,

Sometimes you eat bark, if it's thin like a card.

SOMEONE ATE MY CHICKENS LIMERICK

Someone ate all of my chickens last night,
The only trace found were feathers, all white,
It must be the bear,
He left his tracks there,
And, he gave my truck tires a bite.  

TERRY AND THE BLUE BALLS

Terry bought some pretty blue balls to play the four square game,

Terry thought his pretty blue balls, would bring his game some fame,

But when each ball got a smack,

Each burst and became a sack,

Now Terry and his four square game are looking pretty lame.

TOO HOT TO IGNORE MY POT

If only it wasn't so hot,

That I have to water my pot,

In my pot I grow greens,

That I mix with my beans,

And that's what I eat on, a lot.

THE COLLEGE DEBT LIMERICK

Jimmy thought education was the thing,
To fill his pockets up with bling,
But, it was the wrong bet,
Now he's mired in debt,
On street corners for quarters he'll sing.

THE BLACK BEAR POEM

Yesterday I had a scare,
I ran into a big black bear,
He was 500 lbs of brawny muscle,
I didn't feel so well after our tussle,
But, my bones will mend and my scars will heal,
The best thing of all is I was not a meal.

THE LITTLE BEE NAMED BARRY LIMERICK

There was a little bee named Barry,
He couldn’t get a girlfriend ‘cause his legs were hairy,
So he tried to groom,
Shaved his legs zoom, zoom,
But, now his legs look ten times as scary.

I BUILT MY OWN HOME

Some people build themselves a beautiful home,

Sometimes with a straight roof, sometimes with a dome,

Well, I gave it a whack,

I built me a shack,

Some call it a dump, and that is my poem.