ICY SIDEWALK HAIKU

Icy, sidewalk, slip,
Strain, unbalanced, fall, impact,
Leg broke, bones heal, spring,

MY TIME LOOP LOOPED ME WRONG

My time loop looped me wrong,

I got stuck singing a grade school song,

I wanted the college scene,

Not the pre-teen in-between,

Now I'm in first grade playing video, Kong.

FULL DIAPERS COOKED IN A CAR, AND BREAKFAST

My pancakes smell like fungi feet,

So no one would give them an eat,

My eggs, no one would chance,

Because of a smell circumstance,

Like diapers, cooked on a carseat.

THE GRADER-GUY SMILES

My mailbox sat in a snowbank and the grader was coming near,

Soon my mail would be all over, because the grader was no dear,

BAM! my mail flew into space,

Grader-guy smiled across his face,

My mailbox was crushed to pieces, so I shed a little tear.

I CURSED THE BEACHES OF SNOW

One fall I sat in a warm sun driven glow,

Then, came the blizzard bringing beaches of snow,

I am not vocally proud,

I cursed profusely out loud,

For it would be six months before the warm glow I'd know.

I WOES MY TOES AND NOSE

I use to have some toes,

But yesterday they froze,

Along with the point of my nose,

So to surgery I goes,

Now for my toes and nose, I woes.  

SNOWY, ICY ROAD LIMERICK

Went out driving in a snowstorm, and lost my way,

Went sliding and gliding into a Lake Huron Bay,

The thin ice I tested,

By the cold water, got bested,

So I'll spend the night; should get pulled out; break of day.

MY SNOW ADVENTURE LIMERICK OPUS 9

I had an adventure out in the snow,

It was drifting and drifting and it gave me a blow,

I did not feel fine,

For the blow broke my spine,

Now off in the ambulance I go.

I WAS SO BAD, I ENDED UP IN CHUM'S CORNERS

I went to a party down state in Pontiac,

Woke up in Chum's Corners in a  tin lean-to shack,

Felt kind of rough,

Ate some strawberry fluff,

Can't go anywhere, because funds I do lack.

FARMER THORN

There once was a farmer named Hank Thorn
He grew the very sweetest sweet corn,
But  along came a flood,
His field filled with crud,
Now he looks at his mud flats with scorn.

THE UNBUNDLEABLE TECH MAN

My tech is too tightly bundled,

It's confusing and it makes me soar,

I'd really like to unbundle the stuff,

And, through what I don't want right out the door,

I've been told I need a flowchart,

To keep me organized,

But, with games, TV, internet and more,

I'm stone frozen, like gorganized,

I call and they say "can I help you?" 

I'm thinking, "that's the first lie," 

Then, they expound on why they can't help,

Then, they hangup with sometimes a goodbye.      

MY FISH FARM FROZE

My fish farm froze with the first deep freeze,
A pond so solid you can skate on it with ease,
But, I don't care,
For I know my fish are there,
And, I don't have to feed them or treat them for disease.

THERE'S A POTATOE GROWING IN MY PARASITE INFESTED PANTS

Last fall out in my garden, I got a tater in my cloths,

It made a home in my painter pants, and now it grows and grows,

Guessing the fert, I had lots of maybes,

Turns out taters love dead scabies,

I now have a tater farm, and my painter paints, I sews.

MY BEAR RELATIONS

Pepper spray was what I used,

When by grizzly bear I felt abused,

Now, his eyes might be soar,

But, me thinks I'm hurt more,

Since, my innards have outwardly oozed.

Tiger, Tiger brush your teeth

Tiger, tiger don't eat my kite,

Or I'll whoop you in a fight,

Make sure your teeth are sharp and white,

When they rip my flesh tonight,

Do it fast because time is tight,

Gotta catch the bus at dawn's first light.

I SWAM 3 METERS

I swam 3 meters and sank down 4,

If I hadn't stopped swimming I would have sunk down more,

Of course, I'm a human,

I'm not a fish,

And, swimming makes my human parts feel very sore.

THE IRS AND MY SUMS

My sums don't work, the IRS says,

They suggested I was high from my diet of  Pezz,

The IRS threatened fines and some jail,

As they read my signed forms with detail,

So, I quietly moved to Juarez.

THE SEA BASS OR CHICKEN AROMA

Allen ate fried chicken and it gave him gas,
He sat and hoped that his bloating gut would pass,
Then, his girlfriend Helen stopped by,
And, Allen passed his chicken fry,
Helen wondered if Allen's chicken was sea bass.

THE POOR ON POOR DINE, MY NEIGHBORHOOD IN DECLINE

Things are real fine in my far neighbor's hood,

The people live within fences, and behave really good,

But where I work, live and stay,

We got the low, low, low pay,

So people have perm borrowed things, when they could.

THE CHOPPER AND MY LOST, MANGLED KITE

I flew my kite on one windy day,

Then along came a chopper that cut it away,

The chopper-man gave me a smile,

While all the while,

My kite blew far, far astray.

I knew that my kite was forever gone,

For I waited up waiting from dusk till the dawn,

And, I feared once in the trees,

My kite would be mangled by breeze,

And, pieces spread over somebody's lawn.