THE REMAINS OF THE DAY (THANKSGIVING)

I had to remove all the remains,

My family ate turkey, the meat and the veins

But, when it came to eating bones,

The bones might as well been hard stones,

They chose pie a la mode and weight gains.

MARK WENT LOOKING FOR TURKEY

Mark was asked to find turkey for Thanksgiving,
So, at the mill he quit his job of riving,
He hoped on a plane,
For a turkey to gain,
In Istanbul you will find Mark still living.

CHEF BOBBY MAKES THE BEST SALAD

Bobby was the greatest chef,

He was the greatest chef around,

He made his meals all from scratch,

Then fed them to his hound,

On Thanksgiving Bobby had some dinner guests,

 To show off some cooking feats,

For an appetizer he made a of kind of stew,

With pickled marinated beets,

 

Bobby cooked a turkey,

Until it's skin was golden brown,

Bobby basted the turkey with peanut oil,

It was the best turkey in the town,

Bobby made some turkey stuffing,

He added cheddar cheese,

He also added ground black pepper,

This made his guest all sneeze,

Bobby made some salad,

He added carob seed,

Hemixed in all the greens he found,

But mostly it was weed.

BERNIE AND BENNY AND THE GREAT CYBER WAR

Bernie and Benny were enemies since they were four,
At everything they'd compete for the very top score,
Their tech companies competed viciously online,
Destroying each other with each techno-landmine,

The boys deployed a million geeks in every attack,
To destroy each other's systems in one massive whack,
Then, the world Internets fried and could be resurrected no more,
Ending with technogedden, the Great Cyber War. 

ICICLES: MY DOGGIE AND THE BEAR

My icicles fell off the roof, 

They melted, so I don't have the proof,

They fell on a big bear,

He gave my doggie a scare,

My doggie gave the bear a "woof, woof".

THE BIRD FEEDER LIMERICK

Little birds have a terrible food need,
So, I kept my bird feeder just full of seed,
But, the squirrels out there,
Robbed my feeder just bare,
Those squirrels are just full of greed.

 

DEAR CAMP THREE (I'M LIP SMACKING GOOD)

I went to deer camp, and a cougar was there,

She ripped out my throat, and there was blood in the air,

I could not utter a word,

And, the last thing I heard,

Were kitty cougar smacking lips at the lair.

MY GOLDEN THANKSGIVING TURKEY

I bought a golden turkey for my Thanksgiving holiday,
He was really cheap and cost me so very little pay,
But, it was really hard to eat,
His gold leaf covered meat,
And, my ulcers should be healed up by next May.

DEER CAMP 2022

At deer camp, we got 16 deer, 4 goats and ten trolls,

And Ron got two garden gnomes, methinks that he stoles,

And Frederick The Peasant,

Thought he got a pheasant

But it was a skunk; not one of our goals.

LENNY THE CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Lenny was a Christmas goose,
He was hunted while on the loose,
He did not get shot,
And, end up in a pot,
Because he died his feathers chartreuse.

Guppies Too Many

There were too many guppies in the tank,

They all soon died, and it stank,

With a flush and a flow,

To the septic they go,

I'll buy more, once I go to the bank.

THE GOOD AND BAD WITCHES

Two little witches met way out in the wood

One was really bad, the other really good,

Their friendship was tight,

But the good witch did not bite,

The bad witch that bit, lived in a hungry hood.

SHOULD I

Should I give the dog a bone?

Should I play the baritone?

Should I eat an ice cream cone?

Should I talk with softer tone?

Should I pay my student loan?

Should I buy a new cell phone?

Should I rent or should I own?

Should foul language I condone?

Should I park in a no parking zone?

Should I fly an aerial drone?

Should my golfing skills I hone?

Why do the answers remain unknown?

I RAN OVER MY FOOT WITH A MOWER LIMERICK

I ran over my foot with a mower,
Now, I’m walking a little bit slower,
My foot is really soar,
When it comes down on the floor,
I’m giving up land to be a tin boat rower.

I DON'T PUT THE QUARTERS IN MY LEAKY POT

I took a pottery class and made me a pot,
But, it didn't hold liquids because it leaked a lot,
So, I stored in it my change,
The denominational range,
Except quarters, I spend all that I got.

SALLY PLAYED THE RECORDER LIMERICK

Sally could play the recorder,
She broke hers and put one on order,
It was sent one day,
But, to Sally’s dismay,
The recorder was sent north of the border.

MYRNA PLAYED THE PIPE ORGAN LIMERICK

Myrna played the pipe organ,
She did not play it very well,
That’s why all around her home,
The neighbors all wanted to sell,

 Myrna chased all the dogs away,
And, the little kitty cats too,
Her horrible noise was just so bad,
 Away all the birdies flew,

Myrna‘s husband at last had enough,
 He stuffed full the pipes with gum,
So, Myrna took up a new instrument,
And, started beating on her drum.

FOUR FROGS PLAYED LAWN JARTS

Four Frogs Played Lawn Jarts,
Oh my, oh me,
One got stuck by a lawn jart and then there were three,

Three frogs played lawn jarts,
Down by the lake,
One wandered off and was ate by a snake,

Two frogs played lawn jarts,
But really one was a toad,
And that was the one that was squashed on the road,

One frog played lawn jarts,
He won every game,
But, playing lawn jarts alone is incredibly lame.

Warning:  Lawn Jarts is a dangerous game and should not be played by frogs.

 

GREAT BULLFROGS THE SIZE OF DEER

In a hidden pond they did appear,
Great big bullfrogs the size of deer,
One ate a bear, 
That made me scare,
Now, in the tavern I'll drink my beer.

HIGHWAY TEXTING AND BRIDGES AND TOADS

Trish would text while driving down the highway,
It seems that she had much she needed to say,
But, while texting friend Midge,
She drove off of a bridge,
Her mobile service was cancelled that day.

Trish liked to text as she drove down the road,
She once swerved her car when glancing a toad,
The toad is O.K.
But, Trish had to pay,
Since, she crashed into an old man's abode.