FROM: THE LIVING BAIT FISHERMAN

Minnow bucket full,
Too many, no breath, tragedy,
Error, no live bait.

I WENT TO THE CIRCUS TO SEE DUNDER THE CLOWN

I went to the circus to see Dunder the clown,
But, Dunder had just got back from a night-on-the-town,
And, Dunder the clown star,
Smashed up the clown car,
Dunder's clown-smile was now a clown-frown. 

THE THING THAT MAKES ME SAD

Watching the sun made my vision real bad,
Loud music made me deaf and mom mad,
Poor posture my neck ache,
Poor diet made my leg break,
But, it's world news that makes me feel sad.

DRAGNET FOR MY FISHING POLE

I walked out on the dock and what did I pass?

A giant, a record, an enormous rock bass,

But, my pole was at the cabin, not out on the dock,

I took it to the cabin when I listened to Bach,

So, I ran back to the cabin to look for my pole,

I looked under the chairs and in every floor hole,

But, my fishing pole was not to be found,

I remembered I left it somewhere on the ground,

Alas, I sent the kids out in a fish pole dragnet,

And, one of them found it so expectations were met,

Then, another found my worms so; I knew I was set,

Next, I ran out on the dock to see if my bass was there yet,

Then, just as I saw that big rock bass in the bay,

He heard my running vibrations and swam fast away,

So, I fished off the dock for the rest of the day,

While, minnows tugged on my worm, trying to bait me to play. 

THE THING THAT MAKES ME SAD

Watching the sun made my my vision real bad,
Loud music made me deaf and mom mad,
Poor posture my neck ache,
Poor diet made my leg break,
But, it's world news that makes me feel sad.

DRAGNET FOR MY FISHING POLE

I walked out on the dock and what did I pass?

A giant, a record, an enormous rock bass,

But, my pole was at the cabin, not out on the dock,

I took it to the cabin when I listened to Bach,

So, I ran back to the cabin to look for my pole,

I looked under the chairs and in every floor hole,

But, my fishing pole was not to be found,

I remembered I left it somewhere on the ground,

Alas, I sent the kids out in a fish pole dragnet,

And, one of them found it so expectations were met,

Then, another found my worms so; I knew I was set,

Next, I ran out on the dock to see if my bass was there yet,

Then, just as I saw that big rock bass in the bay,

He heard my running vibrations and swam fast away,

So, I fished off the dock for the rest of the day,

While, minnows tugged on my worm, trying to bait me to play. 

I WENT INTO THE WOODS HUNTING FOR BEARS

I went into the woods hunting for bear,
But, a Bigfoot had already been there,
He ate all the bears,
Except for some hairs,
And then those hairs were no more than two pair.

MY SHOES GOT MUDDY LIMERICK

My little shoes they got all muddy,
Then, everywhere I went they called me cruddy,
Well, I read the news,
And changed into clean shoes,
Still, no one stepped up and called me their buddy.

ODE TO THE FLAVOR CALLED CHEDDAR CHEESE

Ode to the flavor called cheddar cheese,
For it is the flavor that aims to please,
Whether it's on top of french fries,
Or, hot apple pies,
Cheddar helps to spread severe heart disease.  

MY SALMON FISHING DAY

Salmon fishing, cold,
Leaky waders, wet socks, POW!!!
Run over, boat, OUCH!!!

GETTING A CLEAR TV SIGNAL

My cable picture is pixeled,

My dish picture's all haze,                

My antennae big booster,          

Boosted my TV with a blaze,

Now, after all of my trouble,

My house lies out in burnt rubble,

It’s a reality show that my neighbors may gaze.

A DAY ON THE LAWN

My riding mower got stuck in a rut,
My push mower wouldn't even put-put,
 My weed whacker rolled over with a wheeze,
The only thing it whacked were my arthritic knees.

PICK LOW EXPECTATOINS

It's best to be not very bright,
Or, you'll get calls all day and night,
But, stupid brains they get to rest,
Low expectations,
So, none will pest.

I TIME MACHINED BACK TO THE OLD WEST I

I took my time machine back to the Old West,
Where I heard the living was the best,
But, a scorpion sting,
Made my tenor voice sing,
Then, I fell into a rattlesnake nest.

BY MY HOUSE ON A HILL WAS A TREE

By my house on a hill was a tree,
I cut the tree down but, I should have left the tree be,
For, the tree held up the hill,
My house made a topple-down spill,
And, I was buried beneath the hill, house and tree.

THE LOVES OF MISS TAM

My dear little lady Miss Tam,

Was the peanut butter that I thought went with my jam,

But, her first love was for another,

Namely, her overprotective mean mother,

Then, her next love was cabbage rolls full of ham.

I'M THROUGH BECAUSE MY TAXES ARE DUE

Today my income taxes are all due,

I can't pay them so, I guess I am through,

For my savings expired,

When my broker retired,

He left the country and I can't even sue,

 

MY INCOME I NEED TO UPGRADE (FOR TAX PURPOSES)

My income I need to upgrade,
Or, the IRS will be making a raid,
For, my income is small,
And, my tax liability tall,
I wonder how they expect to get paid.

MY INCOME TAX SHORTFALL

My tax forms are due soon this year,
But, cash for taxes well, it just ain't here,
I divorced my spouse,
Sold my business and house,
Still, I'm  coming up way short I fear. 

I LOVE TO BUY CANDY ON VALENTINE'S DAY

I love to buy candy on Valentine's Day,
I eat it myself and don't give it away,
When calories bring such despair,
It would be selfish to share,
So, I'll unselfishly eat candy and pay.