AS THE MEN IN MY FAMILY AGE

100% of the men who age, will physic change,

Their belts will ride down low, in a below the belly range,

As their bones shrink smaller,

Young people will seem taller,

And, when their hair falls out, they will look bald or sick with mange.

ME AND THE ANGELS SING

When I fell out my window; I slapped the pavement, and knew I was doomed,

I bled out on the meat wagon, and at a fairly young age, entombed,

My bod did not hurt very long,

Before hearing the Angel's song,

I guess all my pain and suffering, was how for the high choir, I was groomed.

Date:  33026

PATRONS GET STUCK IN A DART SPORTS BAR (Go Figure?)

I received a summons, to go see the great judge, in court,🏛

The great judge said, he had a very, concerning report,🐿

While at the dart club, playing darts,🎯

I hit three patrons, in their hearts,😭

The judge said until I got eye ware, my sport I must abort.😠

4925

I WENT INTO THE WOODS HUNTING FOR BEARS

I went into the woods hunting for bear,
But, a Bigfoot had already been there,
He ate all the bears,
Except, for some hairs,
And then, those hairs were no more than two pair.

13122

AIR TRAVEL IS EASY, IF YOU KNOW THE RIGHT TUNES

I went to the airport and got stopped by some goons,

They wouldn't let me pass, unless I sang them some tunes,

I knew I could not go wrong,

Singing a lullaby song,

The goons fell asleep; I bet they dream in cartoons.

POOR BILLY HAD NO HELIUM (THE SCARCITY POEM)

Billy loved his helium, and put it in his private, balloon toy,

Billy loved his helium gas so much, we called him, Helium Boy,

Dear Helium Boy, did pass,

The day they ran out of helium gas,

Billy's balloon lies limp on Billy's bed, chewed on by a cat, named Roy.

TOOTS, FOOTS, LEAVES AND ROOTS: AN ALIEN STORY

There was an alien from Saturn, with a real name of Toots,

She lacked having two, human legs, so they bar nicknamed her foots,

Foots was a fine bar hoping star,

She was different, looked bazaar,

One day, Toots went pee in a park, then sprouted leaves, and dropped roots.

BUTCHER THE BEAGLE LIKED TO EAT FLIES

Butcher the beagle liked to eat flies,
High in protein; those crunchy meat pies,
Once he chomped down on a bee,
Which made Butcher see,
When eating he should open his eyes.

112621

GREET AND TACKLE: SQUEAKY SQUIRES' THRIFTY STORES

Squeaky Squire's opened dozens and dozens of stores,

They had greeters greeting customers at the front doors,

Greeters were looking for grifters.

Professional shoplifters,

When a thief was spotted, they were wrestled to the floors.

IN A SNOW BANK

I slept inside a snowbank, because it is so cold,

It's a hard thing to do, when you're 100 years old,

My increased mortgage, I couldn't pay,

The bank took my small home away,

This may change my future plans, at least how they unfold.

I WENT TO A SPACE STATION

I went to a space station to get some good rest,
But, they ran out of peanut butter, so I had to protest,
Then, they ran out of spaghetti,
That made me one angry yeti,
So, out the airlock they sent me as a pest.

5922

ELDON AND THE SNOWPLOW

Brother Eldon had two little feet, and they were white as snow,

And, everywhere that Eldon went, his snow white feet would go,

One cold day, Eldon looked for his cow,

But, was run over by a snowplow,

Eldon's feet were all that we found, on poor Eldon's day of woe.

PEGGY PEACOCK

Penny had a handsome, pet peacock, and Penny named him ABC,

ABC had a pretty, peacock girlfriend, known as 123, 

123 and ABC made a big egg,

The peacock that popped out, mama named her Peg,

Peg grew up, became a volunteer, and gave up her spare time for free.

DOG TURDS AND TRAPS: A LIFE WITH A PURPOSE

You see many monsters in the world, when you are just a little fly,

I'm just looking for some turds to eat, then I can lay all my eggs, and die,

It's easiest to follow dogs,

They're always dropping big, wet logs,

The monster humans often set fly traps out; they hate us; I wonder why?

THE ROBOT IS THE WINNER

I got in a street fight with a modern robot, and I did not do so well,

He was an expert at kickboxing, his foot in my face was how I could tell,

He was well built and strong,

The fight didn't last too long,

He did carry me to the hospital; we became close friends; his name is Mel.

THE GROCERY APOCALYPSE

The grocery prices are so high; it is bad, not good,

Neighbors are now cannibals; it is not safe in my hood,

The bugs under my door,

Are my only food store,

I've sent the wife out to a stump; there's termites in the wood.

I GRABBED TOO MANY FREE HOLES, AND THEY SENT ME TO JAIL

I am a tired, poor, dumb, miserable, wretched, starving slob,

I went to the store for free samples, I had no money, no job,

Doughnut holes were signed "One Free Sample",

I grabbed a handful; they had ample,

I was presently arrested, they called my hole grab, a big rob.

MY PEASANTS TURNED NASTY: MY HEAD'S IN A BASKET

I use to have many peasants, and they'd do everything for me,

My favorite was Long John, until I caught him peeing in my tea

I had him drug off to the stockade,

He was well flogged; my point was well made,

Long John signed the warrant at my trial; that bad, revolutionary.

GLAMOR GARDENS

I chased off the big flies that were on my drying tomatoes,

I cut out the huge, rat bites from my bin of brand new potatoes,

I picked the snails from my rhubarb,

Sprayed the weevils on my Swiss chard,

Pulled and ate the worms off my beets; the tastes, many underate, those.

TIN SHACK LIVING, AND FISHING

I built a little, tin shack to live in, down by the river,

The dirt floor grows moss and mold, and the cold tin makes me shiver,

When the river freezes to ice,

I ice fish, using squeaky mice,

I shoot pike fish with my bow, using arrows from my quiver.