MY PATH TO GONDOLIER SCHOOL

I thought I'd try my hand at tennis,
But, after many fly balls I was labeled a menace,
I was ordered off the court,
To attempt a  new sport,
Now, I'm a  gondolier in old Venice.

ZOMBIE TREAT

There were nothing but zombies left on my street,
They were all looking for someone with big brains to eat,
But, because I don't dig they're groove,
I guess I'll just move,
And, not end up some zombie's lunch treat.

NANCY LOVES HER BITUMEN

Nancy loved her bitumen drive,
It was better than gravel and it kept her alive,
When the bitumen had a hole,
Nancy about lost her soul,
She missed a tree and a ditch to survive.
,

ME SLEEPS NOT WELL

Me sleeps not well rich with gas from dinner,

Though the fancy meats and sauces treat me as winner, 

Perhaps such treats as fancy meats,

Might portal my greed as sinner,

But alas, I have a greater penchant for bacon,

Which is the meat of the truly forsaken,

For hoofed meat on the grill,

Is sin ala thrill,

When caramelized beast flavors awaken.

WEREWOLVES AND VAMPIRES COME OUT IN THE DAY

Every full moon in the month of May,
The werewolves and vampires come out in the day,
But, in the daylight,
They will never fight,
They delight in the board games they play.

MY GOING NOWHERE VACATION

I stayed inside, I stayed inside,

I got so bored I cried and cried,

So, in the backyard I went,

I pitched a tent,

And, there I laid or lied?

BANGING IN THE WOODS, A HUNTER'S TAIL

Went out to the woods to bang me a beast,

I sat downwind, where he'd smell me the least,

He snuck up tippy toe,

He was near, I didn't know,

Out of me the beast made a feast.

I WISH MY SIBLINGS WOULD SHOWER

I wish my siblings would take a shower,

I told them good hygiene would gain them friends and power,

My siblings' response was that "no one can tell,

On social media how a friend just might smell,

Most imagine their friend smells like a flower."

MY RADISHES AND THE YUCKY TASTE OF WORMS

My radishes were all full of worms,
When I salted them the worms made squirms,
But, all went into my soup,
And, after slurping each scoop,
Worms taste yucky my pallet confirms.

I MISSED THE MOON AND GOT A MARCHING GOON

When young I thought it would happen soon,

That I'd be in a top office near the sun and the moon,

But, of course that is not so,

I've sank forty stories below, 

I'll soon be marched out the door by a goon.

I WENT OUT TO SEE THE SUPERMOON

I went out on my deck to see the supermoon,                         

But, the cloudy sky blocked the sight for me,

I wondered what hope have I the future to divine,

When, the big orb in the sky I can't see,

The supermoon, I guess it was there,

On others I'll rely on for that truth,

Most information I get from someone else,

That dependence I trace back to my youth.

TRAVEL CHANGE OF PLANS LIMERICK

I was planning to go to Minnesota,
But, the airlines had met their seat quota, 
Since that journey wouldn't hap,
I looked on a map,
And, flew to St. Paul North Dakota.

FRESH TUNA FROM THE BEACH

I go down to the beach to pick up tuna, 
I work under the light of old Luna,
And, although the tuna is rotten and dead,
They keep my family fed,
But, sometimes I must fight with a  raccoona.

I CREATED A MULTIVERSE WITHOUT EVEN TRYING

When I time travel the universe splits apart,

Into one that I've changed and one that's the same from my start,

So with this time travel curse,

I've created a multiverse,

This would really hurt my brain if I were smart.

MY SLED RAN OUT OF GAS

My sled ran right out of gas,
On a river in a pass,
The ice broke,
Then, steamy smoke,
And, I got wet full mass. 

THE BEARD BET

The bet was who could grow the longest beard,
The men would go thirty days until being sheared,
The bet was won by Kelly,
His beard stretched to his belly,
He wouldn't shave it since it was endeared.

Kelly bet his beard was the thickest,
It was true his beard grew the quickest,
But all were appalled,
His face was near bald,
His beard follicles were simply the sickest.

I WENT TO A SPACE STATION

I went to a space station to get some good rest,
But, they ran out of peanut butter, so I had to protest,
Then, they ran out of spaghetti,
That made me one angry yeti,
So, out the airlock they sent me as a pest.

THERE IS A YOUNG FARMER NAMED JAKE

There is a young farmer named Jake,
He hates to hoe and to rake,
He would not milk his cows,
Or feed slop to his sows,
He should quit for goodness sake.

There is a young farmer named Jake,
He'd rather go indoors to bake,
He makes pies full of cherries,
And muffins full of berries,
His best is his double cheese cake.

I FOUND MUM ON MOTHER'S DAY

I was an orphan; didn't know from whence I come,

On Mother's Day, I felt very glum,

So I traveled far,

To find a parental star,

I went clear to Egypt to find me a mum.

THE STORM

I decided to go scuba,

Down in Aruba

But a hurricane was averted,

When the aircraft diverted,

That's why I scuba in Cuba.