GEORGE WENT FISHING ON A RIVER-Limerick

George went to a river to fish,
He needed some fish for a dish,
George fell in the water,
But couldn't swim like an otter,
A rescue was all George could wish.

WORM CIRCLES, URINE AND BLEACH

Circles, circles, circles on my eyelids and my nose,

I figured I had ringworm, and I got it from my cloths,

So I asked my favorite teach,

He said bath in urine mixed with bleach,

Now I have no skin or hair, from my head down through my toes.

MY NAME IS BUCK CHAINNEY AND I COME FROM DEEP SPACE

My name is Buck Chainney and I come from deep space,

I thought I'd find good food when I stopped at this place,

But, the meat is too tough,

And, the veggies too rough,

And, the dairy makes me break out on my face.

 

ROLAND THE ANT AND THE WINTER STORM LIMERICK

Roland the ant was caught in a winter storm,
Roland had no way to keep himself warm,
But, he found an ant hill,
And, that was a thrill,
He got to lodge in an ant co-ed dorm.

TRAVELING SNACKS

A canister was full of potato chips,
The chips disappeared across plump salty lips,
Then, a box of doughnuts with a hole,
And, a sticky jelly roll,
Crossed through lips on a journey to the hips.

THE LITTLE BUNNYTURKS

The turkeys made some babies and put the babies in some eggs,

When the babies broke out they had tiny beaks and little legs,

But the babies had ears like bunny,

A cotton tail made them look funny,

So paternity is what the hairy question begs.

LITTLE SAGAN WAS A PAGAN WITH A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON

Little Sagan was a pagan who preached out in the woods,
Little Sagan had a dragon to protect his most valuable goods,
Along came three robbers full of dare,
They could rob anyone, they proclaimed everywhere,
But, when the robbers robbed little Sagan
They encountered his fire breathing dragon,
The robbers were each a dunce,
The dragon exhaled only once,
The robbers decided the fire they’d dare,
But, when the smoke cleared the robbers weren’t there.

THE MID-MONTH BLUES LIMERICK

Well, it’s the middle of the month again,
And, it seems that I’ll never win,
I have so much to do,
But, can’t see nothing threw,
I hope procrastination is not a sin.

THE PARASITES IN THE LAKE

The lake water teams with parasites,

Those who drink it can expect long, nasty nights,

A drinker was the bear,

All night he cried out in despair,

But, by morn the bugs had finished their bites.

THERE WAS A MAN NAMED PERKINS LIMERICK

There was a clever man named Perkins,
With machines he knew all of their workin's,
When his business burnt down,
There was no one in town,
To fix machines, but some made wonderful gherkins.

JANUARY HUMP

In January the temps go slump,

But January 16, is the January hump,

More light in the day,

Hope for a quick coming May,

Optimism gets a much needed bump.

A PARTRIDGE IN A SPELLING BEE

On the first day of school a partridge entered a spelling bee,

He could not spell potato so, he received the grade of "E",

On the second day of school a partridge gave his teacher gloves,

They were made of the feathers from two naked turtle doves,

On the third day of school a partridge brought to school his lunch,

Consisting of three roasted French hens and some homemade apple punch,

On the fourth day of school a partridge got in trouble rapidly,

When, he let loose four calling birds because he thought they should be free,

On the fifth day of school a partridge did show-and-tell with glee,

Showing off his five gold rings while drinking a coffee,

On the sixth day of school a partridge played soccer on a field,

And, saw six geese laying eggs in a size denoting yield, 

On the seventh day of school a partridge skipped school to take a swim,

Except for seven swans the partridge had all the beach for him, 

On the eigth day of school a partridge went on a field trip,

And, saw eight maids a milking and a growling dog named Nip,

On the ninth day of school a partridge spent some time glancing,

At nine pretty ladies who were in the hallway dancing,

On the tenth day of school a partridge joined choir to do some peeping,

And, the sound blended so well that ten lords started leaping,

  

   

HERE COME THE IDES

On January 13th, here come the Ides,
I’m not sure if you get low or high tides,
The best thing to do,
Is go to the zoo,
And, see if the bears will give you free rides.

WHEN I BOUGHT THE WHOLE BAR A ROUND LIMERICK

When I figured my finances were solid and sound,
I decided to buy the whole bar a round,
But I came up real short,
And, the bar keep no sport,
I still remember how hard he could pound.

AN OLD DRAGON NAMED FRED

There was an old dragon named Fred,
He ate only things that were red,
He ate a red boat,
Then tried to go float,
But he sank to the bottom instead.

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VOLES I FEAR

In the garden, some fear goblins, some fear trolls,

Some fear gnomes, but I fear voles,

Voles plague me with fear,

That they'll chew off my ear,

And, hide it in one of their holes.

TENNESSEE MOONSHINE GENES

Because I live in Tennessee,

I drank moonshine till I couldn't see,

Then mamma gave me a slap,

Said I was a drunk, just like pap,

He'd pass out, then he'd pee.

GRANDMA MARGE

I had a grandma named Marge,
Grandma Marge was not very large,
In fact, she was very small,
But, when all the chips were flat down,
She'd turn upside down your fat frown,
For her heart was real wide and real tall.

ODE TO JERRY THE SNOW TURTLE

Jerry was a snow turtle,
He did not like the sun,
It was only in the winter,
That Jerry had any fun,

Jerry liked to snowboard,
He liked to downhill ski,
Jerry’s shell was completely white,
This made him hard to see,

Once when racing downhill,
With five snowboarders on his tail,
Jerry had a dreaded spill,
And was chopped up like first class mail,

Everyone mourned the loss,
Of the turtle who could ski a loop,
For on the slopes he was the boss,
In the kitchen he’s turtle soup.

A FUN FILLED EVENING FOR TWO (DATE NIGHT)

With pots and pans, a dinner I'll make,

 Desert will be a choc frosting cake,

I'll then have a nightcap,

Take a night nap,

In the a.m., out the garbage I'll take.