MY PET SKUNK AMADEOUS

My friend and I had a pet skunk named Amadeus
Whenever he’d see us he couldn't help but to spray us,
We did nothing wrong,
To get a taste of his spray bong,
When we’d see him coming our sense of smell became chaos.

I'M A LITTLE DRIP COFFEEMAKER ( I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOUR BLUES)

I'm a little drip coffeemaker,

I work for the town's undertaker,

When the family feels bad news,

I give them coffee for their blues,

My coffee is good with a doughnut from the baker.

MY BACK, OLD SHACK AND LEAVES

I'm raking leaves and oh my back,
My chest is feeling heart attack,
There's too many trees around my old shack,
But, if the leaves catch fire then a shack I'll lack,
Still, I'm so tired I'd like to hit the sack,
I'm giving up now for a nap and snack.

They Told Me I Was A Turd, When I Went To Hear The Shakespeare Word,

I went to see some Shakespeare, but they would not let me in, 

They said I was so vile, I belonged in a chamber pot lined with tin,

So, to gain some Shakespeare power,

I went home and took a shower,

When I returned to Shakespeare, the play was cancelled for it's sin.

BABY BOB HAD A DIAPER RASH

Baby boy Bob had a bad diaper rash,
His mother changed his diaper and put it in the trash,
But, the diaper rash was a curse,
Over time it got worse and worse,
He even had it at his bachelor boy bash.

I WENT ON A TRIP TO QUEBEC LIMERICK

I went on a trip to Quebec,ppp
Near Detroit my trip went to heck,
The tunnel was closed,
My trip was just hosed,
I got slammed in the trunk in a wreck.

I went on a trip to Quebec,
I thought I was being high tech,
I talked on my phone,
Someone slammed into my chrome,
I went no where: my car was a wreck.

MY FRIEND THE TOMATO WORM

My best friend was a tomato worm,
Sometimes I'd pinch him and make him squirm,
But, an accident brought such woes,
When I squished him between my toes,
That brought our relationship to it's term.

I BLOG THEN WALK MY DOG

I was a little blogger blogging on my blog,

Then I went a walking with my cocker spaniel dog,

We walked the forest late last night,

Until a bear gave us each a bite,

Now we rest in bear scat; each of us a big brown log.

I'M A FAMILY MAN NOW

I set up a fish tank so, I'd own a part of the sea,

I got ten little fish who had faces like me,

When friends came to visit my inside,

I showed my fish kids off with pride,

I got many congrats for my fine family.

I ONCE HAD A ROBOT NAMED SAM

I once had a butler robot named Sam,
He made sandwiches of Swiss cheese and ham,
Yet, what was real fine,
He made great rhubarb wine,
But, he sampled it and blew up going BAM!!!

RUN AWAY, CLIMB AWAY, BE A COWARD AND LIVE TODAY

Always a coward, I turn and I run,

I feel seeking pain is sick minded, not fun,

With a tiger frontal attack,

And, vicious bears at my back,

I reach for  branches to climb, not a gun.

NO TEAM SPIRIT ON FOOTBALL SUNDAY

I cannot get my team spirit in gear,

It's football on Sunday and I have no cheer,

No ants in my pants, 

To dance and shout chants,

Because the love of my life forgot beer.

MUSHROOMS AND DIVORCE

I ate mushrooms with each dinner course,

I gobbled them down feeling no remorse,

Then, there was a gurgle in my belly,

Like when I ate raw chicken from the deli, 

My stomach and mushrooms had a violent divorce. 

Who Will Be Dinner? The Turkey Or Me?

I went for the turkey and the vicious turkey, went for me,

One would be dinner the other, a tomorrow would not see,

We fought and we fought and we fought,

Till my throat, the turkey wings caught,

I hope he chokes on my wishbone then, we're together, me and he.

MICHIGAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL

In college football it must be said,
For Michigan, Michigan State is dread,
When the Spartans started to advance,
The U of M did not have a chance,
Between these two schools the rankings have spread.

I SELF-FURNACE WHEN I SQUAT

It's time for my long winter squat,

In a building the owner's forgot,

Of course, there's no heat,

But, I carbed up my belly and seat,

I self-furnace and that helps a lot.

FISHING AND DYING YOUNG

It was early winter and I felt bold,

On cold water fishing I'd been sold,

Even though, it would be my death, my friends foretold,

I'd for sure be a stat of ones not dying old,

Of course, I didn't harvest fish but I caught a bad cold.

I DO MISS THE SUMMER

Today we got a hard freeze,
The cold made my nose run and sneeze,
I do miss the summer,
Cold air is a bummer,
Along with the chill in the breeze.

FALL-A LIMERICK OF DISCONTENT

I don't like fall a lot,
My garden has gone to pot,
The trees have lost every leaf,
From the cold there's no relief,
Fall means the summer is shot.

WHY PEOPLE DRIVE WITH A FLAT TIRE

Why do people drive with a flat tire?
Because they see a monster in the rear view seat,
And, if that monster looks a little bit hungry,
Then, it is the driver he will probably eat,

Driving with a flat tire,
Is not so awful or bad,
You just can’t catch up to the cute lassie,
Or, run over her dear sweetest lad,

I guess tires were invented by man,
So that these tires would not last,
So people who drive on a flat tire,
Are people still living in the past.