MY FINGERS HURT

My fingers got soar playing piano keys,

Then I burned them real good drinking cups of hot teas,

Hurt fingers I had,

But, next came the real bad,

I stuck my fingers in a hole, and got molested by bees.

FRIDAY NIGHT: SHOES, CHAINSAWS AND BEER

Some shoes bend left, some shoes bend right,

Shoes hurt like a chainsaw, if too tight,

My toes come in twos,

To fit left-right shoes,

Shoes take me out for beer and a bite. 

THE WOODCHUCK GOT BRAINS

I had to give up my soul,

When I fell into that big woodchuck hole,

At the bottom were rocks,

Brains displayed like fresh lox,

The chuck feasted with his little friend, mole.

GARDENER LOU AND THE BIG CHOO CHOO

There was this very crazy guy, everyone called him Lou,

Planted a veggie garden and not a single veggie grew,

He bought a little Jeep,

It went honk, beep, beep,

The Jeep got hit by a big train, and Lou then tried to sue.

IT STINKS, BECAUSE THE DUCKS SCREWED AROUND

Two ducks travel with me in my Ford Motor car,

On long trips they pee in an old mason jar,

But one was wise-craken,  

The other laugh-quacken,

The spill smells like the urinal at the bar.

FOLLOW THE DESIGNATED TRAIL

My snow machine didn't stay on the designated trail,

When a tree stoped the machine, my bod went for a sail,

The tree trunk was quite hard,

It stoped me, I was jarred,

I didn't know my body was so incredibly frail.

CLIFF FALLING, NOT AS SAFE AS IT LOOKS

I fell off a cliff and broke many a good bone,

Didn't hurt while I fell, that changed when I hit stone,

My mind conjured a thread,

With pics of me dead,

I woke up all stapled, and bolted, and sewn.

PLIGHT OF THE TUMBLED ME

Down the mountain I skied with fantastic skill

And the mountain I skied was no bunny hill,

Then came a horrible stumble,

I took a half mile tumble,

I work o.t. to pay my hospital bill.

LAST THOUGHTS FROM THE DITCH

Down the highway my car went fast, spinning,

If it were a race, I would have been winning,

But there was a glitch,

I found a deep ditch,

Then regretted I spent my life sinning.

MY GARBAGE CAN IS NOT WELL

My garbage came down with the flew,

A truck hit it, and the can was brand new,

It was so sad,

For the can, I felt bad,

For my grief, I think the driver I'll sue.

THE WIND PUSHED ME FROM THE AIR, TOWARD DEATH AND DESPAIR

I was high in the sky with my little plane,

When the sky decided to have a plane drain,

I raced to the ground,

And made a "BOOM!" sound,

Now I walk round my hood with a cane.

SNOWY, ICY ROAD LIMERICK

Went out driving in a snowstorm, and lost my way,

Went sliding and gliding into a Lake Huron Bay,

The thin ice I tested,

By the cold water, got bested,

So I'll spend the night; should get pulled out; break of day.

THE ADVENTURES OF NANCY DEBBIE TEW

Nancy Debbie Tew,

Climbed trees that had a view,

She scraped her knee,

And swallowed a bee,

The tree manufacturer, she sue.

I FROZE MY WAY TO HADES

I stepped outside onto ice and down steep steps I slid,

Smacked my head on the car, and went off the grid,

I died when I slowly froze,

Was greeted by my dead nanna, Rose,

I knew I was in Hades, because I spied grandpa Sid.

TOWING

I had a tow truck and I went out towing,

But I could not see where I was going,

Then there was a pitch,

And I flipped into the ditch,

Now the grass over my grave, they keep mowing.

CARS AND THE GLOW SNAKE

There was a slithering orange snake in the snow,

He slithered out onto the highway to glow,

When they saw the snow snake,

Each  car hit the brake,

Then sliding off the highway they'd go.

I STOOD UP TO A TOAD AND GOT GRILLED

I was standing toe to toad,

Out in the center of the road,

Then along came a semi,

On it's grill, I'm a stuck guy,

I'm sure the toad is in a ha, ha, ha mode.

A PARACHUTE NOT PROPERLY WIRED

When his airplane engine expired,

Duke the aviator quickly retired,

He took a nosedive,

One he did not survive,

Seems his parachute was not properly wired.

FISH FOOD, DINNER IS SERVED

I was having a yacht party,

But my boat, it sank at sea,

My guests got mad at me,

They got all wet, and gee,

The sharks came and we...

I PARKED ON A HILL

I parked my old rusty pickup on the hill,

I went into the store,

My parking brake done failed,

Then, my pickup charged downhill to war,

It terminated a parked bicycle,

It terminated something called art,

It terminated a parking meter,

It stopped when it ran down a grocery cart.