HOW TO HURT YOUR FAMILY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA LIMERICK

There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter,
He attacked all in family over the media called twitter,
He made fun of  his cousin the monk,
Said his car-dealer uncle sold junk,
He even said his sister was a poor baby sitter.

DAISY HAD AN EVIL ID LIMERICK

Daisy had an evil Id,
It came out when she was a kid,
She spread evil rumors,
About Mary's bloomers,
And, everything that Mary did.

MANISTEE LAKE TIME

I went fishing on Manistee Lake,
But a leaking old boat I did take,
I got really wet,
And really upset,
Then went swimming home; for goodness sake.


I went fishing out on the ice,
The cold wind did'nt feel very nice,
I started to freeze,
I couldn't feel my knees,
And my sweater was loaded with lice.

EARTHQUAKE SHAKES THE EAST AND ME LIMERICK

I just felt just a little bit of a shake,
The TV said it was an earthquake,
It was along the East Coast,
But, I don’t want to boast,
I’m in Michigan, that’s a ways off goodness sake.

AMUMINUM FOIL FOR BRAINS

Bert wore a hat of aluminum foil,
So government transmissions he’d spoil,
But, his hat sealed his fate,
From an off world state,
The aliens cooked his brains on broil.

JORDAN MADE RHUBARB WINE

Jordan once made some homemade rhubarb wine,
He thought he'd have good stuff upon which to dine,
But, when he guzzled his first glass,
He ballooned up with such gas,
He spent a day in the bathroom to opine.

Everyone had an opinion,
About Jordan's homemade rhubarb wine,
They expressed it in the bathroom,
With body language they did opine.

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SUE LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sue,
Her hair was red, her eyes were blue,
A man from the city,
Thought she was real pretty,
So, he married her and moved to the Peru.

DRINKING BAD WHISKEY HAIKU

Drinking bad whiskey,
Stomach curls, dry heaves, pain,
Morning after milk.

ZOMBIE OCEANS

We are all just part of the zombie oceans,
We swim against riptides just to get our promotions,
But, when our own dark day ends,
Just a few claim the wins,
The rest of us live the regret with remorseful emotions.

MY SKINNY GIRLFRIEND HAIKU

Skinny girlfriend,
Does not eat very much food,
Has a model job.

P.S. Lucky me!!!!!!!

STEVEN HAD AN EVIL ID

Steven had an very evil Id,
He picked on his little brother Sid,
When Sid went to tell,
Steven gave off a yell,
And blamed Sid for what Steven did.

LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Pete,
Corned beef and cabbage was all he’d eat,
He was full of green gas,
And, could not get a lass,
He made music all night tweet, tweet, tweet.

PENELOPE PIE LIMERICK

Penelope Pie was a racing horse,
She ran real fast down every course,
But, Kentucky is sloppy,
This made her legs floppy,
She finished last with no remorse.

LAKE MICHIGAN SHARKS HAIKU

Lake Michigan Sharks,
Man-eaters by the millions,
Fear the blue waters.

AT THE OFFICE THERE WAS NO COFFEE TO DRINK LIMERICK

At the office one morning there was no coffee to drink,
So, I brewed up some water and poured in some black ink,
Everyone went home early really sick,
As they left hey called me a hick,
I was fired and spent 90 days in the Klink.

DEATH OF A CAR

Dead tree stands by car,
Wind pushes tree over,
Crash, my car is destroyed

MY POLISHED PETOSKEY STONES

I polished Petoskey stones all day,
I tried to sell them on the Ebay,
I did not get one bid,
My stones should be hid,
I guess they are wothless I would say.

IDES OF JULY LIMERICK

Many, many will want to cry,
Because today is the ides of July,
Summer’s half gone,
And, late comes the dawn,
It’s sad how summer will fly.

TRAVERSE CITY HAIKU

Fun, Traverse city,
Summer boats, Winter skies, laugh,
Playground, never ends.

GIRLFRIEND WITH JOB DRINKS BEER

Girlfriend drinks beer,
“Expensive habit”, I said,
Big mouth, she has job.

TIME FROM A BOTTLE HAIKU

Time from a bottle,
Gallon red wine, smooth, laughs, tears,
Meal, down a toilet.

NIPPLES, NAZALS AND, POLENS LIMERICK

The nipples on my nasal are in block,
I can't smell a thing so how can I rock?
My achy head,
Fed by pollen it's said,
They make me sick till I have a cardiac shock.

TRAVERSE CITY POEM BY LCB

I live in Michigan in Traverse City,
It is a nice place but, it is itty bitty,
The bay looks real nice,
The blue waters entice,
The girls swimming are extremely pretty

BERT AND THE PAIL ALE TAIL

Bert liked to keep his ale in a pail,
He bought 40oz bottles when they were on sale,
He'd drink beer like punch,
For breakfast and lunch,
By dinner he'd sing and regale.

I WENT UP NORTH TO CELEBRATE THE 4TH OF JULY

I went up North to celebrate the 4th of July,
I lay out on the beach and that’s where I lie,
But, the bugs are getting bad,
They bite often, it’s sad,
Now, my skin is burning, smells like a hamburger fry.

TWO LITTLE DEER SAT ON A HILL IN THE WOODS LIMERICK

Two little deer sat on a hill in the woods,
They were watching over their delicious green goods,
There were gardens of beans below,
The deer salivated to go,
Waiting for the gardeners to go back to their hoods.

Brian the bear was big and strong,
His favorite sport was ping pong,
But, no one wanted to play,
They were all scared away,
Though, Brian had done nothing wrong.

SAM THE LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sam,
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”

WATCH FOR THE MONTH CALLED 2012-12 LIMERICK

Watch out for the month called 2012-12,
For most this warning is one they will shelve,
On the 21st of December,
All will then remember,
This warning upon which nobody would delve.

IVAN THE BEAR LIMERICKS

Ivan the bear could barely see,
But, he could smell down wind of thee,
If he headed your way,
You'd better not stay,
Or, in Ivan's belly you'd be.

62011

THE IDES OF JUNE

The ides of June are on day thirteen,
An odd number that is not the average or mean,
Was it just a cheap thrill?
Or drinking wine beyond will,
That made Roman judgment obscene.

HIDDEN FORCES

There are things that go on in the night,
That makes us move to the nearest light,
We are all afraid,
Of death’s accolade,
That stalks us out of sight.

THERE WAS A BOXER NAMED DUFF

There was a boxer named Duff,
He thought he was really tough,
He took on a dare,
And fist fought a bear,
Now Duff is looking real rough.

Duff was a boxer who thought he was good,
He busted up bricks, he busted up wood,
He fought a crockadile,
They tussled for a while,
The crockadile ate what he could.

JAKE THE BAKING LEPRECHAUN

I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.

THERE WAS A BIG GUY NAMED LARRY-Limerick

There was a big guy named Larry,
With two noses he really looked scary,
So, he had a nose job,
Now with only one knob,
Larry might actually marry.

SOME POETS LIMERICK

Some poets  everyone knows,
Will latch onto one of their items of prose,
They treat with such care,
Each word that they share,
Their minds are just simplified woes.

THERE WAS A HOUSE IN NEW YORK QUEENS

There was a house in New York Queens,
They called the "House of Fun",
It was the ruin of many quarter rolls,
For me it ruined more than one,
I did not have a lot of quarter rolls,
But, I did have more than one,
I became addicted at playing pinball,
And, now my rolled quarters amount to none,

So mothers teach your offspring,
Not to do what I’ve just done,
For its been the ruin of many perfect quarter rolls,
And, for me I ruined more than one.

ROD THE MERMAN

There once was a merman named Rod,
He had only a taste for fresh cod,
But, a mermaid named Trish,
Would eat just tuna fish,
Rod ate tuna because Trish had a bod.

A LEPRECHAUN NAMED JANE LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Jane,
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.

MY IRISH SETTER NAMED BIG LIMERICK

My Irish Setter named Big,
Never danced any Irish jig,
He knocks you down on the floor,
And, then declares war,
Until you give him up a fresh cig.

BEWARE THE IDES OF MAY LIMERICK

Beware of the ides of May
If your in-laws are coming to stay,
They will not leave soon,
Until the fall harvest moon,
When they head back to Florida to play.

FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH HAIKU

The Thirteenth, Friday
Long knives, scared kids, bellyaches
Fish, rock hard, school lunch.

A FILLING LOST

It's very chilling,
I lost a filling,
Now when I eat it hurts,
Because of the billing,
A dentist ain't thrilling,
I'll just cringe when I eat deserts.

OLIVER INSIST

Oliver was always trying to insist,
To eat the things not on his diets list,
His body was so round,
His health was unsound,
He didn't listen to his nutritionist.

Oliver thought his gorging was nifty,
But he never saw his birthday at fifty,
Still, under the ground,
His appetite's sound,
He smells fast food when the wind's a bit shifty.

CLYDE THE SPIDER AGAIN?

Clyde was a spider who ate only flies,
He dressed for lunch in suits and bow ties,
He ate all his meals,
Leaning back on his heals,
Table manners was his despise.

THE GRIM REAPER COMES IN DEEP SLEEP LIMERICK

Willie was not a very deep sleeper,
For he feared an encounter with the grim reaper,
If awake he could stay,
He felt he could run away,
Dreams bondage gives souls to death’s keeper.

RAINY, RAINY, RAIN LIMERICK

Rainy, rainy, rain,
The universe has found its drain,
The outdoors smells wet and rank,
Like an overflowed septic tank,
Spring showers bring depression and pain.

MY DOBERMAN IS A SICKIE.

I once had a Doberman named Nicky,
His name online was Nicky Ickey,
He had pictures of steak bones’
And dog bowls colored all tones,
And my burned shrubs which I thought was sickie.

A RATTLESNAKE WANTED A BEER

A rattlesnake wanted a beer,
I told him to go bite a deer,
He bit me instead,
Now I am half dead,
He drank the beer that was here.

A RAT MIXED HIS WHISKEY AND BEER

A rat mixed his whiskey and beer,
Next day he felt that death was near,
So, he admitted to his wife,
His adultrous second life,
He sobred and had something to fear.

JEFFREY LIKED TO SPOON LIMERICK

Jeffrey liked to sleep until noon,
Then at night he liked to spoon,
He was kissing a girl named Mary,
But, her lips were so hairy,
He thought he was kissing a raccoon.

MY GIRLFRIEND COULD NOT TAKE HER EYES OFF OF ME

Susie was my sweetheart,
She had big eyes of blue,
The only problem Susie had,
Was she had more eyes than two,

I always felt like I was being watched,
Embarrassed, my face turned red,
Susie watched every move I made,
With those eyes in the back of her head,

Susie had a nice personality,
And, her virtue was quite sound,
But, she complained about my every move,
Without even turning around,

Finally, I ditched Susie,
I decided though I hadn’t said,
My next girl will be a floozy,
With no eyes at all on her head.

A LITTLE BABY FISH

There once was a little baby fish,
Growing bigger was his only wish,
He ate like a pig,
He got really big,
‘Till he became a fisherman’s dish

WILLIE GOES OUT INTO THE SNOW LIMERICK

Willie goes out into the snow,
He is buried because of how hard it blow,
But where melting snow drips,
He finds tasty parsnips,
Now Willie does not want to go.


Willie loves his parsnips,
He digs them from under the snow,
Parsnips are a winter crop,
Or when you’re low on dough.

Some people like parsnips and butter,
Others like parsnips with cheese,
Some like parsnips with vinegar and salt,
You can eat them however you please.

SIR DIRK AND HIS ARMOR

There once was a knight named Sir Dirk,
Dragon fighting was his life’s work,
He wore too much tin,
‘Cause he wanted to win,
Fire-breather’s roasted the jerk.

THE INHERITED NOSE OF JEETER

Jeeter had a nose so pronounced,
It weighed a pound if it weighed an ounce,
And, genetics are not fun,
Jeeter’s nose was on his son,
Off his nose a basketball he could bounce.

THE NORTHERN MICHIGAN WIDOW MAKER

In Northern Michigan there is a soul taker,
It is commonly known as the old widow maker,
It falls down from the tall trees,
It brings it's victims to their knees,
Making rich the Michigan undertaker.

GOVERNOR SNEAKERS: THE 2012 FORESHADOWING LIMERICK

Governor Sneakers liked a good bribe,
He ran for Governor to enrich his own tribe,
He worked for only the elite,
He talked up any deceit,
And, running for President he feels a good vibe.

A GIRL NAMED PAM

I was in love with a girl named Pam,
She ran off with a farmer named Sam,
They have a pig farm,
The smell is a charm,
They've grown fat on their bacon and ham.

When Pam ran off I was a quitter,
I got better by being real bitter,
I donate my blood,
And get wasted on Bud,
And spend most of my time on the Twitter.

THERE WAS A BIG MAN FROM TOLEDO

There was a big man from Toledo,
He liked to wear a black Tuxedo,
But, when he sat down,
He riped it all round
So now he just wears a black speedo.