THE HUNGRY COUGAR HAIKU

Door, Cougar scratching,
Brow wet, shirt sweat, pants not dry,
Man friendly? Doubtful.

Cougar, hungry, food,
Door scratched, window pane rapped, smashed,
No food, What food? Me!

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DOOMED BY A DEB WITH A WEB

I saw a spider-web when I looked outside,
It was in my window, over half as wide,
I found in the web,
A black-widow named Deb,
She bit me and that's how I died.

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BENNY BUILT A TIME MACHINE

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Benny built a time machine,

But, he benefited not,

For when he went back to change the past,

The future he forgot.
 

THURMOND'S TELESCOPE IS FOR THE BIRDS

Thurmond's telescope made the news one day,

When Thurmond saw spacecrafts heading our way,

After networks broadcast his words,

The spacecrafts turned out to be birds,

There was a crow, a dove and blue jay.

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THE TWO PETER POEM

Peter I and Peter II were competitive twins,
They also shared both their virtues and their sins,
They both had a penchant for mutton,
Upon which they each were a gluten,
The one that dies the very fattest, I guess wins.

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TREE

                              LCB

I eat my crumpets, sip my tea,

From my kitchen, I can see,

I have a beautiful pine tree,

It's free spirit makes me feel free,

I'll make a swing, then I'll go "Wee!"😁

SANTA, BELLS AND BATTERIES

Santa had to buy brand new batteries, to make his big sleigh bells ring,

But, the elves stole the batteries for karaoke, because elves like to sing,

So, Santa's long fight,

Was one dreary night,

With the reindeer all singing "Ding, Ding....".

THE BALLAD OF DARREN AND KARREN MAILBOXES

There was a big mailbox named Darren,
A box down the street was named Karen,
Without a push or a shove,
They could never find love,
So, their hearts would always be barren.

Darren was a mailbox,
He loved Karen down the street,
Although their hearts were locked in love,
Their posts were in concrete.

MY CHEERFUL HELLO LIMERICK

I say a cheerful hello ten times everyday,

But, the reactions leave me in a state of dismay,

Words and hand gestures I can't say,

An occasional backside display,

I guess being cheerful is a job with no pay.

 

LITTLE THIEF EDGAR

Little thief Edgar stole things starting with the letter "T"

Be it a trinket, trombone, tether ball or TV,

The item's value he didn't care,

He stole for the dare,

But thieving led him to profitability.
 

METER MARY WENT TO MARS

Meter Mary went to mars,

To setup meters for future cars,

Parking for free,

Meter Mary couldn't see,

Anywhere there are planets or stars.

THERE ONCE WAS A LITTLE PERCOLATOR LIMERICK

There once was a little percolator,
It made good hot coffee, about ten minutes later,
It was understood,
That the coffee was good,
Unless, you were just a perking hot coffee hater.

I CHIPPED A FRONT TOOTH HAIKU

I Chipped A Front Tooth,
Friends, Questions, When? Where? How?, Fix?
Answers, Mind Business

BERNIE PULLED HIS SHOESTRINGS TIGHT

Bernie pulled his shoestrings left and right,
To make his tennies fit real tight,
He moved his belt up a notch,
Did the same with his watch,
Bernie turned blue, passed out, what a sight.

LONNIE THE VAMPIRE

There was a vampire named Lonnie,
She turned her girlfriend named Connie,
Together with great ease,
They fed as they would please,
On the blood of Donny and Ronnie.

Lonnie was a vampire,
Who lived out in the sticks,
No mortal ever found her,
She knew her vampire tricks.

Ode to Lonnie the vampire,
If you found her it was dire,
She never thought twice,
To bite your neck thrice,
Your blood lit her veins on fire.

Lonnie the vampire never aged,
If you crossed her she was enraged,
In hundreds of years she never forgave,
Anyone she deemed a knave,

Don't try to atone,
She'll break every bone,
Then, celebrate with a rave.

A MARTIAN STOLE MY GRANDFATHER CLOCK

A martian stole my grandfather clock,

He came all this way and didn't have a tick-tock,

It is quite original,

Martian time isn't digital,

Still, may the thief crash his ship on a rock.

MY HONEY MAKES HONEY FOR MY TOAST

My honey, my funny, the one who makes me feel like me,

Moved out of our home, to live on some boards in a tree,

Their hair got thin and fuzzy,

They started sounding buzzy,

Then low and behold, they turned into a bee.

LICK STAMPS GET CRAMPS LIMERICK

Mr. B has belly cramps,
He thinks he got them licking stamps,
The stamps were already sticky,
With glue that tastes icky,
Now, near to the restroom he camps.

 

THE MOTORBIKE PIKE AND THE BEAR

Herman was a northern pike,
He rode around on a motorbike,
When the wind dried his scales,
Into a ditch Herman bails,
Where he was ate by a bear named, Big Mike.

 

THE HALLOWEEN GHOST-FISH

I ate for dinner a Halloween ghost-fish,

It had flavor, but it had no nutrish,

Although, it tasted like salmon,

It did not ease my famine,

But, my cat still licked clean my fish dish.