CANDY ANDY AND RANDY THE GOAT

I went home to my little shack that was all made of candy,

I had to repair it all the time, because of my billy goat, named Randy,

Randy eats me out of house and home,

Soon with the forest animals, I will roam,

I have no more money to spend at the candy store, owned by Andy.

CHASING THE SUN GOING DOWN

I saw the sun go down way deep into the ground,

So  I sent out my doggie to hound and hound,

Well, he would run and run,

He never found the sun,

But, I fed him some pork liver, a couple of pound.

I FOUND MY FAMILY IN MY TEA

I found a sea horse swimming in my instant tea,

I really do not know how he got there, to be,

I put him in a glass bowl,

So he could stretch out his soul,

I now have a family, my sea horse and me.

THE HONEY AND MY FOX

My little fox, escaped his box,

I put him in it to detox,

He was addicted to honey,

That made him runny,

I stepped in it with my white socks.

THE CHIPMUNK AND HIS BERRIES

I had a pet chipmunk, but he didn't live too long,

The berries he ate, were the berries that were wrong,

I bought a berry picking book,

But, he gave it, not one look,

Now he lies in his grave, dug 6 inches long.

THE TALE OF BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I had a little goldfish named Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep,

He had a good full life, rounded by the sleep,

One day he ate a Pollywog,

From the stool of my pet dog,

Now my goldfish rests forever in the hole I dug real deep.

THE CREATURES I LOVE

I had a hen that laid 46 eggs,

I had a bug that had 46 legs,

I had a fish with one flipper,

It was a strange dipsy dipper,

For bologna, my dog sits up and begs.

THE GOOD DOGGIE GOT THE BAD MAN

There was a man named Johnson, his favorite number was 666.

Johnson was so very mean, he hugged his love with 2 sharp ice picks,

One day Johnson sounded a 3 alarm,

When a dog named Patches, bit Johnson's arm,

Johnson tried to torment and tease the dog, when they played fetch the sticks.

SPEEDY AND THE THREE BEARS

Three bears took over my chicken coup, and boy were they greedy,

They ate all my chickens, except one real old hen, named Speedy,

With Speedy as the three bears pet,

They settled in, they were all set,

The bears all loved their pet; they were emotionally needy.

TATERS, CHICKEN AND GRAVY

I whipped up for my pet chicken, some gravy,

We both ate lots of it, in the navy,

I got no taters to mash,

Because I ran out of cash,

So we had stale tater chips that were wavy.

PET YOUR FOOD PARK

I use to raise dinosaurs, and sold them to stores as food,

Then along comes this fella, says he's a dinosaur dude,

He said dinos are nice and smart,

That kind of stabbed me in the heart,

I changed the farm; made a petting zoo, a different mood.

MY LITTLE RED GOAT

My favorite pet was a little red goat,

The only thing that she would eat was red coat,

She would eat mink, wool or leather,

But she would never taste pleather,

Pleather gave her bubble gas, and she would bloat,

SNEAKY SNAKES AND GERD

Two rattlesnakes snuck up on a bird,

They thought their soft rattles, were not heard,

Then along came a hound pup,

He ate those snakes for his sup,

But got sick from heartburn, caused by gerd.

THE CANARY AND THE RAVEN, A CAUTIONARY TALE

I had a big pet raven, and he liked to eat canary,

He used to eat them by the bunch, like a small, yellow berry,

The canary birds worked together,

Netted my raven in bad weather,

Then they roasted and ate him in a scene that was real scary. 

THE FANCY PET DUDE

I bought a fancy pet dog, and bought him fancy pet food,

I now pretend to be a modern, fancy pet dude,

I chum with fancy pet owner friends,

It's a class of pretends,

Pretending a dog's business isn't crude.

MEAT, THE IN-LAWS

Henry had a wolverine, he raised it from a small pup,

Now Henry cannot feed the critters 24 hour sup,

So I took the critter off Henry's hands,

Set it free on my northern lands,

I told my in-laws they could camp for free, if they should come up.

I SPILLED MY SODA IN MY GOLDFISH TANK, AND MY GOLDFISH, HE DONE DIED

I cried and cried when my goldfish died, because I spilled my soda pop,

In criminal court, I was fair tried, after being arrested by the goldfish cop,

With my pet I won't grow old,

I'm celled in prison, alone, cold,

I am guilty I must confide, because the tank had no pop, stop, top.

Fred's Last Wish

There was a voice echoing in my brainy head,

Turned out it was actually, my dead pet guppy, Fred,

He told me he had just one wish,

That I would never eat a fish,

So all my cans of tuna went to my bulldog, Zed.

VINCENT ATE SOME JELLY

Vincent the hound dog, found a torpedo by the blue lake,

It was being consumed, by a massive green water snake,

It exploded his belly,

And spread out his snake jelly,

Vincent ate so much jelly, he got a bad tummy ache.

THE CARROT FARMER GOES NUTS

After creepy Mitch harvested all of his carrots,

He found no room in the house, for two squawking parrots,

Mitch left the parrots outside,

The parrots both froze and died,

Mitch dined on parrot pie, with his two silent ferrets.