CONES AND BONES

I sat on top of a tombstone,
While licking my ice cream cone,
The cone came from a odd host,
It was the graveyard's  top ghost,
And, in the cone was his own finger bone.

THE RUBBER DUCK FESTIVAL IN BELLAIRE

The festival of the rubber ducks,

It's not for the gobbles or the cluck, clucks,

It's just for quackers,

Down pillow packers,

On the menu, roast quackers, lacking lucks.

WHAT'S IN A NOSE

There was a little guinea pig, and he always picked his nose,

Then one day he found out, just what up his nose could grows,

A pickle, squash and okra, and a big tomato vine,

A hot Hungarian pepper, and a bottle of red wine,

The guinea was inspired, so he set his nose to prose.

BENNY HAD A BIG RED NOSE LIMERICKS

Benny had a really big red nose,
His nostrils were like petals on a rose,
His drinking was fair,
But, food consumption was not there,
So, his skin was red from his head to his toes.

Benny had a big red nose,
He looked patriotic with blue and white cloths,
Benny was not really bright,
But, his nose was such a sight,
He became rich and that's how life goes.

Benny's nose was just so plush,
It gave all girls quite the rush,
Both the beautiful and the scary,
Wanted Benny to marry,
Eventhough, Benny did not like to flush.

CYRUS THE IRIS

In my garden bloomed an iris,

I made friends with it for it had no virus,

Our friendship's heading,

Led to a wedding,

Our firstborn came; we named him cyrus.

  

CRUSTY, YUMMY SACKS

I love my oven because of the crusty snacks,

I get snacks by wire cleaning my crusty racks,

I say yummy, yummy,

Crusties in my tummy,

And I save on garbage sacks.

UV PHOTONS MADE ME CRY

Photons, photons from the sky,

You can make me pretty or make me cry,

I look awesome with a deep dark tan,

But, the  extra energy I didn't plan,

I used some sunburn cream protector,

The SPF was rated by an inspector,

I'm not sure just what went wrong,

Some say I sat out in the sun and stayed there just too long.

I CHOOSE WELL; MY PIZZA TOPPINGS

On my pizza, what added a tease?

It was pepperoni and the bubbled up cheese,

It was not much of a mystery,

That soon my pizza was history,

For my toppings were chosen to please. 

THE WISEST FLY ON THE PIE

The wisest fly on the pie,
Knew to vacate after the flies caught my eye,
And, as the wisest fly flew away,
The others breathed my bug spray,
Just one fly left and he's faster than I.

FRANK AND POLKA DOT THE FROG

Frank saw a frog with polka dots,
He picked it up and then got spots,
He went to doctors for some reports,
But every doctor said that Frank had warts,
For Frank had been drinking just too much grog,
He couldn't tell a warty toad from a green horny frog.

I DROVE A PARTICLE ACCELERATOR

The car ahead of me went so slow I had to pass,

So, I became a particle accelerator and, put my foot down on the gas,

And, boy did I fly,

At light speed I passed by,

I came to a stop:  I collided with a tanker and split my mass.

Now, every quark in my body hurts.🤕

THE DEMON DAZE SPECIAL

It's Demon Daze at the local grocery Store,

If you are a demon, you get deep discounts and more,

You get free coffee and donut holes,

Plastic microwavable bowls,

And every 13th demon wins a prize at the door.

A PARACHUTE NOT PROPERLY WIRED

When his airplane engine expired,

Duke the aviator quickly retired,

He took a nosedive,

One he did not survive,

Seems his parachute was not properly wired.

LITTLE CHICKEN IN MY BACKYARD PARK

Little chicken in my backyard park,
You escaped from farmer with the dark,
You eat bugs and seeds in my petunia bed,
You could be chicken nuggets covered with bread,

Little chicken in my backyard park,
Pecking bugs from the red pine bark,
I hope your foods are really nutritious,
For I think chicken is quite delicious. 

NO EDIBLE EATS

No one can find no eats,

Now there's panic in the streets,

There is nothing good,

Just tin, plastic and wood,

And there's still lots of nasty beets.

MY PET GROUNDHOG

My pet groundhog does not feel well,

He slipped on the ice and down he fell,

So, I put him to bed,

After being well fed,

Then he had bad dreams and awoke with a yell.

DIM TROLL SPITS

There was a troll who trolled on Twitter,

He lost an election and became real bitter,

His only employment was house sitter,

Couldn't get hired, for he's a dimwiter,

Went to jail, as a sidewalk spitter.

PARASITES UNITED

Parasites United were living in my curly hair,

They ate up every single root, until my head was bear,

Although they done me wrong,

I regaled them with a song,

Then they infested my roommate's unpleasant underwear.

TING ME A SONG WITH YOUR TONG, JEFFY

Jeffy Jerry cannot sing,

But man, that guy can really ting,

He tings his songs

With copper tongs,

And that is just his thing.

THE ELF EATERS RHYME

There was a little elf,

His name was Sammy Sam,

Whenever he got hungry,

He ate a sandwich of cheese and ham,

There was a little elf,

His name was Billy Bill,

He ate only oatmeal cookies,

Upon the window sill,

There was a little elf,

Her name was Doreen Door,

She didn't care where or what she ate,

As long as there was more.