PEANUT BUTTER BREATH AND JELLY

I need jelly in my belly when the snow comes tumbling down,

I need jelly in my belly when the snow covers the ground,

I need peanut butter too,

And some bread with gluten goo, 

I'll watch telly with peanut breath so smelly, I will make elf fairies frown.

CLEO WAS A REAL NERD'S NERD

Cleo was a real nerd’s nerd,
In the dictionary he could define any word,
He was also a football jock,
In music he could really rock,
But, in wood-shop his grade was deferred.

DINNER, HUGS, BUGS, RUGS AND PORCELAIN

My family came over for dinner and hugs,

I love them so much, in their food I put bugs,

With a heave and and ho,

To my bathroom they go, 

I just hope they hit porcelain, not rugs.

I GOT UP EARLY TO EAT A TURKEY FEAST LIMERICK

I got up real  early to eat a turkey feast,
But, it won’t be served til noon, at least,
Oh, what an affair,
I sat down in despair,
I watched the parades while my mom cooked the beast.

GROVER THE CHICKEN AND MR. TURKEY

There was a meek chicken named Grover,
Who loved to see the end of October,
Because Mr. Turkey,
Was a real turkey jerky,
In November his time would be over.

GRANDMA'S SICK CHRISTMAS BATHROOM HUMOR

Each year to grandma's we all converge,

To set upon our annual family purge,

For eating turkey not done,

Is our little family fun,

Except, add some more bathrooms, we urge.

MURPHY PRETTY BIRD

Murphy was a pretty bird, a pretty bird was he,

Murphy was such a pretty bird his pics cost quite a fee,

Murphy went to Hollywood and became a dreamy star,

Murphy made so many movies he could afford a good used car,

Murphy finally made a movie where he accidentally laid an egg,

Murphy then made a movie which was labeled a turkey leg,

Murphy decided to retire while his looks were still real good,

Murphy got into his good used car and left old Hollywood. 

AT HUNTING CAMP I GOT THE BOOT

At hunting camp I got the boot,
I spoiled the big turkey shoot,
When the turkeys came by,
I yelled “get lost or die”,
I saved lives and don’t give a hoot.

HUNTING CAMP LIMERICK (WHAT REALLY GOES ON)

At hunting camp we hunted for deer,
But, some of us were just insincere,
We stayed warm at the camp,
All dry and not damp,
And drank down six cases of beer.

CRUSTY, RUSTY MOUTH

I thought I had a gold tooth that was crusty,

Turns out it was tin and went rusty,

I was charged for the gold,

But, tin I was sold,

Couldn't sue, because my dentist went busty.

THERE WAS A GOLDFISH NAMED DREW

There was a nice goldfish named Drew,
But, instead of gold he was blue,
Blue made him feel sad,
But, he shouldn't feel bad,
A blue goldfish was just something new.

HIS GIRLFRIEND SANG WAY OUT OF TUNE

My poor little ferret,
He just could not bear it,
Because his girlfriend sang way out of tune,

My poor little ferret,
Told his girlfriend her voice did not merit,
An encore, so he sits alone 'neath the moon.
 

DINER OR DINNER?

I stare, boar stares back,
I see pork, boar sees chicken,
Diner or dinner?

MY SHOES GOT MUDDY LIMERICK

My little shoes they got all muddy,
Then, everywhere I went they called me cruddy,
Well, I read the news,
And changed into clean shoes,
Still, no one stepped up and called me their buddy.

WHERE WENT THE MOON?

Was it magic, clouds or too much gin,

That made the moon disappear again,

"Eclipse," said an educated,

Some said gin theory underrated,

Me, I'm glad it's over so I can eat my cold din din.

DRAGON'S MEAT, A HOLIDAY TREAT

I went dragon hunting and what did I find,

I shot a big dragon and cured bacon rind,

At first it was gooey,

But I dried it to chewy,

I gave some to neighbors cause I felt Christmas kind.

THE DRAGON HUNTER

I shot a dragon from the sky,

Shooting the dragon made my kid cry,

Then I made some dragon pie,

It burned my guts, thought I would die,

Rest I ate with mayo on rye.

THE SAD LIFE OF CLYDE THE CARP-Limerick

Clyde was a brown carp who laid in the mud,
He'd eat fish food or just floating crud,
He couldn't find a wife,
He was single for life,
'cause the lady carp called Clyde a dud.

There once was a carp named Clyde,
He laid all one day on his side,
He would not eat his fish food,
Which seemed really rude,
Then, someone realized Clyde had died.

LOADING DISHWASHER WRONG LEADS TO BLUES AND MAHJONG

I loaded my dishwasher completely wrong,
So, I'm singing the "So Sad, Broken-dish Song,"
Now, I've paid some sad dues,
And, I'm singing sad blues,

Later, I'll play a quick game of Mahjong.

TURKEY DAY FISH FILLET

My oven would not start and my turkey fryer had no gas,

I feared that for dinner, on turkey I had to pass,

So, things looked really dire,

Until, I remembered the cloths dryer

Turkey came out funky flavored, so I fried some fresh caught bass.