CHILDREN FULL OF CORN

All my children are stuffed full of corn,

Each started to feed when each one was born,

Now, they are each big,

Cause, my species is pig,

And, how proudly our pig bulk is worn. 

A PARTY OF FOUR MADE RESTAURANT POOR

I went to a restaurant with a party of four,

We each ordered corned beef for our dinner core,

I had side fries for my scales grief,

The others had salads of leaf,

But, at the end the bills made us all poor.

THE COB HABIT

I was fired from my night clerk job,

When I was caught eating corn on the cob,

Now, I have no funds for my cob habit,

 So, I'm eating grass like a rabbit,

And, the grass gives me gas oh, sob.

A SNEAKY STYLE INSPIRED FROM A BIG HAIR PILE

I came across a pile of scat all full of hairs,

It was an enormous pile which gave me the scares,

So, I backtracked thru the woods,

As quiet as I coulds,

You have to be sneaky when you live amongst bears.

I BRAKE FOR BUGS

I don't likes trees, bears, bugs or, snakes,

If I see the aforementioned I slam on my brakes,

I don't care if I skid,

Flip over on my lid,

I avoid the confrontation whatever it takes.

MY SINK GOT MY PINK

I decided to play with my old slinky,

It was sharp and cut off my big pinky,

In less than a blink,

My pink went down the sink,

For the next month my house smelled really stinky.

STICKS AND STONES CAUSE BROKEN BONES BUT, A MUD BALL MAKES ME DIRTY

I went to throw snowballs but, the grass had turned green,

There were sticks and stones but, to throw them would be mean,

Now the kid living next door

Is half my age at just four,

Threw a mud ball and now I'm not clean.

I HAVE AN ALIEN, REPTILIAN BRAIN LIMERICK

I have an alien, reptilian brain,

I just want to murder and eat, it's insane,

Please, don't give me no hugs,

Just pass me a plate of big bugs,

For a main course, I'll eat someone's Great Dane.

THE SUMMER HAIKU SATIRE

Summer heat, itch feet,
Flowers, pain, sinus headaches,
Hot, Dusty, Sweat, Rash.

MY POTATO CHIPS

I went to the store for a snack,
But, I was really, terribly rushed,
In the car door I slammed my sack,
Now, my potato chips are most certainly crushed.

THE DEBT CRISIS OF JITTERBUG JONES

Jitterbug Jones was nervous they say,

He had massive bills but, worked for low pay,

He tried selling his blood,

The payout was a dud,

So, Jitterbug Jones ran away.

THE JOY OF BEING SNEAKY

Being smart or having looks that stun,
Is for the dullards and the geeky,
The greatest minds will gain their fun,
From the joy of being sneaky,

When you suffer from a business gone bad,
You will whimper and blame it on luck,
When a deal with a sneak is what you had,
Because the sneak could make a fast buck,

When a girl you like avoids you everyday,
You blame hygiene or the atire you wear,
When it was the sneak, who made his home play,
When he told her your wife just might care,

A sneak is rich, loved; you know the type,
A sneak knows what to do and to say,
 Being good and honest is just a great hype,
Invented by the sneaky they say.

THE BARBER OF SAND HILL

I went to Sand Hill to get my hair cut,
Cheap price cause the barber was flagged as a nut,
Now, one side he cut shorter,
By an inch and a quarter,
And, down the center he shaved a big rut.

PERCY WRITES LIMERICKS

Percy is a limerick writer,
He's an artist not a fighter,
But, his lines do not rhyme,
And, his meter's off time,
His whole mind could be a lot brighter.

Sir Percy never had a thought,
His school papers he always bought,
His family had money,
So, his outlook was sunny,
He sold mortgages 'til he was caught.

I WENT TO CHEBOYGAN TO BUY GREENS

I went to Cheboygan to buy me some greens,
I also bought carrots, kohlrabi and beans,
But, I tell you no fake,
I got a bad belly ache,
Seems, eating veggies is not in my genes.

MY DOG GETS STINKY HAIKU

Dog, pond, stagnant, stinks,
Dog, skunk, hunt, spray, whimper, run,
Dog, country, bath, soap.

POOCH ON A CAROUSEL HAIKU

Dog, pet, Pooch, fair, ride,

Up, down, pony, sick, barf, sick,

Carousel, No Dogs!

A CHIPMUNK NAMED BOB

There was a little chipmunk Bob,
Stealing from squirrels was his job,
He'd watch them all day,
Then, when they hit the hay,
All of their treasures he'd rob.

A chipmunk named Bob liked to steal,
He'd watch the squirrels bury each meal,
A digging Bob would go,
But, once he was too slow,
And a squirrel bit Bit Bob on the heel.

PEANUT BREATH, MINTS AND THE MOON SQUIRRELS

I went to the moon to feed a colony of moon squirrels,

I brought them some peanuts and breath mints shaped like pearls,

They thought it a winner,

Eating goobers for dinner,

And, the mints made them classy as earls.

THE BUTT COLLECTOR

George had a collection of cigarette signed butts,

Only from the those deemed famous, infamous or nuts,

He had mud wrestlers and drag queens,

Those smoked by stars on silent screens,

The oldest ones were said to be king Tut's.