UNDER THE FULL BEAVER MOON

Under the full Beaver Moon,

I marched with a pipes played tune,

The county took me away,

For a very long stay,

I was labeled a bird, a loon.

SANTA HAS BAD HABBITS

Santa ate too many herbal cookies,

Santa drank too much ice beer,

Santa went to jail, 

That's why Santa isn't here.

Santa has some reindeer,

Santa feeds his reindeer grass,

All day they just play video games,

While sitting on their mass.

I BOUGHT A BUDA ON FRIDAY TO BRING ME SOME LUCK

There were great deals on Black Friday but, I had no funds to pay,

I had not been working since, the third week of May,

I broke open my penny jar,

Found four dimes in the car,

I could then buy a small Buda made out of red clay.

THE SILENT MOVIE MOGUL

Wilbur Royce Rice,

Was the movie Mogul of his time,

He began his career in film,

With a camera and a dime,

A silent world Rice screened,

Of great empires now dust,

The Egyptians, the Romans,

The Greek gods with a bust,

He dabbled in baubles,

Invested in dreams,

Created film stories,

With heart-string pulling themes,

A film studio he built,

He was a "genius" they declared,

The awards kept coming,

And, a great fortune he fared,

Then, silent movies,

All went away,

But, Wilbur Royce Rice,

Had an ankle of clay,

He was stubborn all knew,

And, he couldn't change with the bunch,

So, the new era in film,

Took poor Wilbur out with one punch,

Alas, the bauble market blew up,

The dream investments, just schemes,

 And, all the filmed stories,

Went rot like paper reams,

Wilbur was broke without his camera or dime,

He could have come back if he wasn't old and had time,

And, the pictures changed more, from the old black and white,

To movies with color that Wilbur disparaged as blight,

So, what gain a man with great talent without range?

Just the title of has-been and epitaph "Would Not Change," 

A DUNG BEETLE NAMED BARB

There was a dung beetle named Barb,
Her diet was really high carb,
She did not feel well,
She burst through her shell,
For dress she must find some new garb.

Barb was a dung beetle that ate all day,
She chowed down cow dung mixed with some clay,
She ran out in the sun,
Then, stopped and couldn't run,
Barb baked into a statue that day.

DONNY WAITS TO GO: A TIME TRAVELING TALE

Donny liked to time travel back to an autocratic nation,

And, often when Donny time traveled, he'd suffer constipation,

Donny went to 50's North Korea,

There he suffered diarrhea,

Donny waits to escape to Russia with anticipation.

MY TRACTOR MADE A RINK AND THEN TOOK A DEEP SINK

I drove my tractor out on the lake to snow blow some ice,

I thought an ice rink for the kids would be really nice,

I watched my rink grow with the blow, 

Until, the ice gave way and down I go,

So, my tractor paid the ultimate price  

Turkey Day Dinner With A Surprise

For Turkey Day I ate canned pig,

With a bottle of port and a menthol cig,

And, the big surprise,

I found some old French fries,

They were in the coach and I had to dig.

I CARVED THE TURKEY

Because of Covid  I could not turkey shop via, a roam,😷

So, I carved my Thanksgiving beast from Dow Styrofoam,🦃

It did not bake but, caught fire,🔥

Burned like a rubber tire,💥♨

Now, I've no turkey, no dinner no home.🏚

PRUNE JUICE AND THE TURKEY BALLOON

I was to serve a non-meat turkey at Thanksgiving noon,

But, the turkey I baked was a turkey balloon,

Well, that's in the past,

So, after the blast,

We all got loose with some juice made with prune.

TURKEY IN A TREE

Turkey, turkey way up in the tall tree,

Please come down; be dinner for me,

I'll invite over friends,

We'll eat your odds and ends,

I'll stuff your butt with breading; you'll taste real good, you'll see.

DINNER WITH THE FLYING MONKEYS

There were three flying monkeys sent by the Wicked Witch of the West,

They were just three flying monkeys but, they were the wicked Witch's best,

They sliced me up and ate me raw,

Never thought I be ended by a monkey's paw,

They saved my liver per the Witch's request.

P.S.

Too bad for all of them, I failed my rabies test.

The Deceit That Cost Me Toes

There was a volcano down the street

It burnt my shoelaces; burnt off my feet,

Because when the lava flows,

If you don't run you lose toes,

Donald said things were fine but, that was a deceit.

Artificial Turkey Meat

I'm eating artificial meat,

It tastes like turkey; at least the feet,

It chews like gum,

That's been shared with some,

And, the smell is like a condemned toilet seat.

CLEANING TEETH APPOINTMENT HAIKU

APPOINTMENT NOTICE,
WAITING ROOM, WAITING, CLEAN, PAIN
CHECKOUT, BILL, SHOCK, PAIN

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KIDNEY CAKE

I ate at a friend's place and they served kidney cake,

It did not taste good so, my compliments were all fake,

Then, after a quick toilet puke,

I gave no rebuke,

But, not one extra serving I'd take.

WHERE STARS SHOULD NEVER BE

I am pondering on a web of stars where, I don't think stars should ever be,

They're inside my kitchen oven within some fourth dimension reality,

They came from my exploding fruitcake,

Which I tried to mix-n-bake,

I should have only used one egg instead, my brain suggested three.

my 

THE EMPEROR OF BEANS RULES ALL

There is no greater power than the Emperor of Beans,

He has turned the heads and soiled the beds of emperors, kings and queen,

No one can cleanly pass,

His unstable gas,

If that's what the Emperor deems.

BE CAREFUL CUTTING DOWN TREES

I went outside and cut down a tree,

I did it wrong and it fell on me,

So, now I slouch,

With eternal ouch,

And, drink only chamomile herb tea.

NEEDS AND MAKE BELIEVE

In the real world we need to find: warmth, water, food, shelter and some form of carnal happiness.

Everything else is just a world of make believe.

MY COMPLAINT ABOUT WORMS (IN MY SOUP)

I complained about a worm in my soup,
It squirmed around in a loop,
It was not spaghetti,
And, I don't think I'm petty,
For, at the bottom of the bowl was a group.

A Wine Maker Without A Critic

Salamander Sally liked parsnips on toast,

She also like parsnips  cooked with a beef roast,

But, her parsnip wine,

Was not rated as fine,

She attacked the poor critic and made him a ghost.

The Stinky, Pinky Popular Drinky

Popular is the new fad drink,

That is poured out in fluorescent pink,

But, you have to drink fast,

Or, the aftertaste will last,

And, for a week your breath will just stink.

AT THE END OF THE WORLD

At the end of the world I moved into a box,

I ran out of beer so, I was forced to detox,

Detox made me ache and cry,

So, when a zombie came by,

I let it bite me to numb me with pox.

THE BEAR VOTE

I decided to try to vote today,

Past armed guards claiming they have the last say,

The gunnies gave me no scare,

For I brought along my pet bear,

The gunnies soon cleared out of my way.

ARMAGEDDON MAKES MY LIMERICKS CRY

We all looked up into a pale blue sky,

And saw Armageddon on the fly,

The great fireball did not tarry,

To make my earth a cemetery,

No where to hide so, I guess we die.

Armageddon in the November fall,

So, the holidays won't come at all,

And me, the plague did not kill,

I Stayed home with my grill,

Now, my cruel earth dies by a sky fireball.