THE FOUR ALARM FARM FIRE

In the general vicinity of the farm,

A fire broke out, four alarm,

The potatoes got baked,

The corn stalks were coal caked,

But, the livestock suffered no harm.

NOT TO SEE FAR OR NEAR AND DRIVE OFF THE PIER

Dennis the driver couldn't see far or near,
Dennis the driver drove his truck off the pier,
Dennis did find his way,
To the bottom of the bay,
Now, his bones sit at the wheel, where they steer.   

SINISTER SPIDERS ON MY WINDOWSILL

Some sinister spiders sit on my sill,
They think web-weaving is the ultimate thrill,
But, I'll give them some news,
Be careful what choose,
Or, be squished spider-spleen on the grill.  Yum, Yum!

I SAW A SMALL BIRD EATING A SALAD

I saw a small bird eating a salad,
But, his condiments didn't seem to be valid,
It was a wine mixed with beer,
Final results I did fear,
The little bird started tweeting a ballad.
 

PETUNIAS ON EARTH

I journeyed far beyond the planets of Sol,

To find some petunias to pot was my goal,

I found some pretty, bright red,

On a planet called, Fred,

But they like to grow tall on a pole.

CAN ONLY WAIT SO LONG, MOON

I was on a great sand dune,

Waiting for the rise of moon,

Waited there all afternoon,

Ate a cookie, macaroon,

Need a toilet, please rise soon.

WHAT FRANKIE DID WITH SNOT

Frankie thought he was a charm,

Then he snots upon his arm,

The girls all say,

"Frankie keep away,

Your snot might do us harm."

WOE TO THE PROTECTOR OF SHRUBBERY

I got some chicken wire,

To protect my little shrub,

For there is this rabbit,

Who sees my shrub as grub,

Then I waited with a pail,

For the rabbit I would assail,

And I'd catch him nose to tail,

Then I'd have rabbit stew and ale,

But the rabbit never showed,

To another shrub, he goed,

Then he moved into my abode,

Locked me out, so then I woed. 

THE WILD PIG TOOK MY CANNED GOODS

A wild pig chased me through the woods,
He wanted to eat my veggie canned goods,
When he was a few feet away,
I gave in to him that day,
Wild pigs are nothing but hoods.

THE HIGH PRICE OF PANCAKES

For five-hundred dollars I bought a pancake making machine,

I used the money I got from selling my precious spleen,

But, it required special flour shipped from Sydney,

So, I had to sell my favorite kidney,

And, give up the knighthood I received from the queen.

GENIUS EQUIVALENT TO A STROKE

My nest egg is just a big joke,

I have an eggshell but, not the white nor the yoke,

I bought and I sold,

Many investment ideas that I was told,

Were the equivalence of some genius stroke.

I CAUGHT THE ITCH AT THE GROCERY STORE

I searched for a great bargain price,

On cereal that was a poofed kind of rice,

I found nothing cheap,

So I stormed home in my jeep,

Scratching my hairs that incubated head lice.

MY LAST STOP, THE HOBBY SHOP (I shopped till I was dropped dead)

I have a hobby,

So I went to a Lobby,

The store clerks were snobby

At the checkout, I got robby,

I became very sobby,

They called in a bobby,

He cracked me on the knobby,

Then said that was his jobby,

 Cause he served the Lobby, 

And out oozed my brains.

SANTA PICKS HIS TEETH LIMERICK

Santa ran out of fish bones and he couldn't pick his teeth,
So, he pulled out some needles from a Christmas pine wreath,  
But, Santa had acidic spittle,
Which made the pine needles brittle,
And, they wouldn't dig out the food underneath.

THE TRAIN, BRAIN AND CHEAP RENT GAIN

Next door there was this train,
It's tooter hurt my little brain,
But, my rent was real cheap,
Apartment easy to keep,
Thus, my bank account had a small gain.

IT EATS

It eats the bird, it eats the beast,

It eats the critter that smells the least,

It eats the bugs, it eats the dragon,

It eats vehicles called Volkswagen,

Upon them all my goat do feast.

FISHING DARK AND DEEP

I went fishing on a lake dark and deep,

Then through the floor water started to seep,

I didn't have a pail,

So I really  couldn't bail,

I sank calmly without even a peep. 

THE SEEDS OF WEEDS

The seeds of weeds have taken their toll,

They've seeded the great hills and the big valley bowl,

Of course, now the lawns are all weedy,

Because the weed descendants are greedy,

Now, finding grass is finding diamonds in coal.

I HAVE A ROOMMATE WHO DOES NOT LIKE TO FLUSH

I have a roommate who does not like to flush,
It makes me sick when my teeth I must brush,
I hope and I pray,
He moves out one day,
If he doesn't I'll become a lush.

OLD FASHIONED YARD JARTS WITH THE LONG, POINTY SPEAR

I went to the third moon of OOh-OOh to play professional yard jarts,

It's played at nightfall, at least that's when the tournament starts,

Each jart has a fifteen foot spear,

Sharp enough to take down a big deer,

During tournament, you'd best look out for your parts.