REVENGE IS BEST SERVED SALTY

The kitchen boss called me a stup,

A certified nincompoop,

That made me so mad,

I done a real bad,

I poured too much salt into the soup.

THE KIDS FINALLY LEFT HOME

I am afraid my trailer ain't rolling nowhere,

It got ripped right in half by a huge grisly bear,

The bear ate the kids, 

Methinks that's good-rids,

They were both in their forties, had no job and didn't care.

A JOB OR A DITCH, I MUST CHOOSE WHICH

Slushy snow is all I know, and the world has turned to ice,

On icy roads I cannot go for my tires have caught ditches thrice,

I'll soon be on skidrow,

If I pay for one more tow,

But, if I skip work I'll suffer woe since my boss is not so nice.

MARY PARTED COMPANY BECAUSE IT WAS BAD

Junior was smart, but an awfully slow starter,

Marie was faster and an whole lot smarter,

Junior got the job,

Though he was a slob,

So from the company, Marie was a parter.

MY BIRDIE RELATIONS

The birdies like on worms to dine,
But I hang my washing on the line,
So my washing is speckled,
At work I am heckled,
My birdie relations aren't fine.

SAMMY'S SAUSAGE MALFUNCTION

Sammy ate pork sausage not quite done,

He ate it anyway because he had to run,

But it was not funny,

When the pork came out runny,

While Sammy was meeting with his big bosses son.

EARTH DAY, BIRTHDAY AND POPCORN

It weren't even May,

When I had my Earth Day,

It was on my birthday,

So at home I did stay,

Watching movies, I had to pay,

Eating popcorn from a tray,

On the bean bag where I lay.

Kissed a boyfriend, he named Ray,

So I guess, I must be gay,

Ordered salad, I got hay,

Then went swimming in the bay.

THE SNIFFLES

I sniffle here, I sniffle there,

I sniffle on my reclining chair, 

I sniffle all day long at work,

And, my sniffles give my boss an irk,

I sniffle when I cut my lawn,

I sniffle from the dusk to dawn,

But, when I don't sniffle I get a runny nose,

Then, I must contend with real wet clothes.

  

A POEM FOR ALL SEASONS

When I blow snow,

Away it will go,

I might be paid doe,

To buy a me a hoe,

For the garden, you know,

To keep the weeds low,

To make pickles grow,

So my plants don't feel woe,

Next, tie my shoes with a bow,

And the lawn I must mow,

Then I'll jump in my dingy and row, row, row, row.

THE AFTER WORLD

When you have been out in the world and, been covered with snot,

Then, all that you want is a place to sit down and rot,

So, you move out to the woods

With cases of canned and dry goods,

And, try to get by growing pot.

I'M A DREAMER NOT A LOOSER limerick

Although I might be a poor choice chooser,

And, some would define my state to be looser,

But, I must protest,

Because I'm on a quest,

A dream quest so, I'm a snoozer.

SALESMAN ON THE ROAD LIMERICK

To get up early every day,
And, write an itinerary by which to play,
It's a meaningless job,
For every Tom, Dick and Bob,
It's the life of a salesman gone away.

MY GIRLFRIEND IS CRAZY

My girlfriend is crazy,
She says that I am lazy,
I try to work,
But, I'm a jerk,
I just want a big raizy.