There was a weasel named Willie Hark,
He couldn't weasel but, sang like a lark,
He wouldn't hunt prey,
He would croon all day,
His pantry then looked really stark.
Blogger ID
Translate
Search This Blog
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
THE SINGING WEASEL
Thursday, February 16, 2012
THERE WAS A MAN NAMED HOWARD HEARD
There was a bad man named Howard Heard,
A witch turned him into parrot Bird,
He ate bird seed all day,
Then at night he would say,
I'm a parrot who can speak any word.
A witch turned him into parrot Bird,
He ate bird seed all day,
Then at night he would say,
I'm a parrot who can speak any word.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
I WISH MY VALENTINE WOULD STAY HOME AND SNOOZE
On Valentines Day I’m singing the blues,
For my valentine drank way too much booze,
She is running down the street,
It’s like a last year repeat,
I wish she’d stay home and just snooze.
For my valentine drank way too much booze,
She is running down the street,
It’s like a last year repeat,
I wish she’d stay home and just snooze.
Monday, February 13, 2012
MY VALENTINE WRECKED MY CAR
My valentine wrecked my new car,
That will cost her, her candy and star,
So, the candy is for me,
Her star I’ll let be,
As long as she buys my drinks at the bar.
That will cost her, her candy and star,
So, the candy is for me,
Her star I’ll let be,
As long as she buys my drinks at the bar.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
WAYLAND THE ELF KING IN DETROIT
Wayland the Smith was the king of all elves,
He worked in Detroit making pistons and valves,
He got tired one day,
From his hard work at low pay,
So, he led his ilk to make cars for themselves.
He worked in Detroit making pistons and valves,
He got tired one day,
From his hard work at low pay,
So, he led his ilk to make cars for themselves.
Labels:
AUTO FACTORIES,
DETROIT,
ELF SATIRE,
ELVES,
NORSE LEGEND SATIRE
Saturday, February 11, 2012
MY CHEATIE, SWEETIE IS TWEETIE
I thought you were my valentine, sweetie,
But, I guess you’ve been lately real cheatie,
Last week it was Frank,
Yesterday it was Hank,
All the internet knows cause you’re tweetie.
But, I guess you’ve been lately real cheatie,
Last week it was Frank,
Yesterday it was Hank,
All the internet knows cause you’re tweetie.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
BASIL LOVED BURGANDY
Basil really loved Burgundy,
That is the wine and not the color,
But, for his birthday he got a can of paint,
It wasn’t even burgundy but kind of a yellar.
That is the wine and not the color,
But, for his birthday he got a can of paint,
It wasn’t even burgundy but kind of a yellar.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
NEW MOON FEBRUARY 2012 LIMERICK
The new moon in February 2012,
Tells the psychics to put the month on the shelve,
It may be a great year,
But, February’s days are not dear,
These days should be flushed through the septic tank valve.
Tells the psychics to put the month on the shelve,
It may be a great year,
But, February’s days are not dear,
These days should be flushed through the septic tank valve.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
MY PA, STEP MA AND MY FAMILY ROOTS
My pa’s name was Old Clyde Foots,
His third wife Karen was quite the toots,
They had an all male litter of nine,
This to me was just fine,
For even half brothers still have family roots.
His third wife Karen was quite the toots,
They had an all male litter of nine,
This to me was just fine,
For even half brothers still have family roots.
Labels:
FAMILY ROOTS LIMERICK,
FAMILY ROOTS SATIRE,
HALF SIBLINGS,
OLD CLYDE FOOTS LIMERICK,
STEPMOTHER
WHEN I SEE THE HURRICANE
When I see the hurricane,
I run away, I flee,
I do not like the hurricane,
Because drowning is not for me,
There are those who watch in awe,
The gales, the lightning, the rain,
But, I just fear being blown out to sea,
By the nasty hurricane,
So, call me a coward as I run away,
And though your words cause me some pain,
I know that I'll be around another day,
To run away from another hurricane.
I run away, I flee,
I do not like the hurricane,
Because drowning is not for me,
There are those who watch in awe,
The gales, the lightning, the rain,
But, I just fear being blown out to sea,
By the nasty hurricane,
So, call me a coward as I run away,
And though your words cause me some pain,
I know that I'll be around another day,
To run away from another hurricane.
THERE WERE TWO BAR MAIDS NAMED CHRISTINA
There were two bar maids named Christina,
When not serving drinks they played the concertina,
But, their music was so sad,
When finished playing everyone was glad,
For their intonation were like a wounded hyena,
Labels:
BAR MAIDS,
CONCERTINA,
INTONATION,
MUSIC SATIRE
Friday, February 3, 2012
TURTLE SOUP SUBSTITUTE
I could not find a turtle for my turtle soup,
So, I went out to see what crawled on my front stoop,
I found a green lizard,
A snake with a gizzard,
And, four bugs with antennae that hoop.
So, I went out to see what crawled on my front stoop,
I found a green lizard,
A snake with a gizzard,
And, four bugs with antennae that hoop.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
GROUND HOG OR DOG DAY? LIMERICK
I could not find a ground hog,
So, I disguised up my dog,
But, the people from around,
Recognized my old hound,
Groundhogs Day went over like a log.
So, I disguised up my dog,
But, the people from around,
Recognized my old hound,
Groundhogs Day went over like a log.
Labels:
A SILLY LIMERICK,
A SILLY SATIRE,
ANIMAL LIMERICK
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
THE FIRST OF FEBRUARY BRINGS A NEW SEASON
The first of February brings a new season,
I say this without any rhyme or real reason,
The wind is cold when it blows,
Full of ice and heavy snows,
The big bad weather makes me feel like a meson.
I say this without any rhyme or real reason,
The wind is cold when it blows,
Full of ice and heavy snows,
The big bad weather makes me feel like a meson.
Labels:
BIG SNOWS,
BIG WINDS,
ELEMENTARY PARTICLES,
FEBRUARY WEATHER
Saturday, January 28, 2012
THE LEGEND OF BRAN
I was the one sent to fight the great war,
Against the gargoyles and demons and monsters of yore,
I called upon the great forest trees,
They beat my enemies to their knees,
The universe continues as it had been before.
Against the gargoyles and demons and monsters of yore,
I called upon the great forest trees,
They beat my enemies to their knees,
The universe continues as it had been before.
CRAZY JEANIE THE LIMERICK
Crazy Jeanie was a tether-ball queen,
She could beat any boy or girl because she was mean,
She’d pound the ball into the kid’s face,
Then, laugh and yell “Ace”,
Now, she rules as a college athletic school dean.
She could beat any boy or girl because she was mean,
She’d pound the ball into the kid’s face,
Then, laugh and yell “Ace”,
Now, she rules as a college athletic school dean.
RALPHIE SWORE HE'D STAY OFF THE DRINK LIMERICK
Ralphie swore that he’d stay off the drink,
It would have gone well except for his girlfriend Ann Klink,
She was not real nice,
And, with a bottle of spiced rum she’d entice,
Ralphie ended up vomiting all night in the sink.
It would have gone well except for his girlfriend Ann Klink,
She was not real nice,
And, with a bottle of spiced rum she’d entice,
Ralphie ended up vomiting all night in the sink.
WHILE MARTY WAS DRIVING HIS ROADSTER LIMERICK
While Marty was driving his roadster,
He swerved to miss an old toadster,
He ran right into a tree,
The crash smashed-up his knee,
The hospital is where Marty takes abodester.
He swerved to miss an old toadster,
He ran right into a tree,
The crash smashed-up his knee,
The hospital is where Marty takes abodester.
Labels:
A DRAGON LIMERICK,
A SILLY SATIRE,
KNEE,
ROADSTER LIMERICK,
SILLY HUMOR,
TOADS,
WRECK LIMERICK
Monday, January 23, 2012
A NEW MOON THE TWENTY-THIRD LIMERICK
There's a new moon on the twenty-third,
It's so dark because the new moon occured,
I can't see my toes,
That's the least of my woes,
I opened my mouth I swallowed some bird.
It's so dark because the new moon occured,
I can't see my toes,
That's the least of my woes,
I opened my mouth I swallowed some bird.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
POOR LITTLE MOLLY WET TO BED LIMERICK
Poor little Molly wet to bed,
She was embarrassed so enough said,
Then, when she became a teen,
She was a beauty queen,
She said “embarrassment is all in the head”.
She was embarrassed so enough said,
Then, when she became a teen,
She was a beauty queen,
She said “embarrassment is all in the head”.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
WHAT THE WINTER SOLSTICE MEANS TO ME
It’s the Winter Solstice and I’m so happy,
The days are short and the nights cold and crappy,
Today I froze off my nose,
My fingers and toes,
My body is peeling and scrappy.
The days are short and the nights cold and crappy,
Today I froze off my nose,
My fingers and toes,
My body is peeling and scrappy.
Labels:
WINTER LIMERICK HUMOR,
WINTER SOLSTICE
Friday, January 20, 2012
THE TWO CHICKENS TALK LIMERICK
This morning I heard two chickens squawk,
Then, their squawking seemed to turn to talk,
But, what did they say?
Was it goodnight or good day?
I don’t know because they were speaking in hawk.
Then, their squawking seemed to turn to talk,
But, what did they say?
Was it goodnight or good day?
I don’t know because they were speaking in hawk.
Labels:
ANIMAL HUMOR,
ANIMAL SATIRE,
CHICKEN LIMERICK
Thursday, January 19, 2012
TOE JAM JEFF
Jeff lives off the fat of the land,
In his old job he was summarily canned,
He made macaroni with bows,
With the jams from his toes,
But, some of his jams were loaded with sand.
In his old job he was summarily canned,
He made macaroni with bows,
With the jams from his toes,
But, some of his jams were loaded with sand.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
WOOD CLOCK FALLS DOWN HAIKU
Wall clock falls down, crash, Splintered wood, glass chards, big mess,
Replaced, clock, plastic.
Replaced, clock, plastic.
Labels:
CLOCK HAIKU,
CLOCK SATIRE,
HOUSEHOLD SATIRE,
PLASTIC CLOCKS,
WOOD CLOCKS
TAKE TIME TO CASTIGATE THE ONES THAT YOU LOVE LIMERICK
Take time to castigate the ones that you love,
Don’t give them a hand just give them a shove,
Blame them for you troubles,
For the real estate market bubbles,
Your loved ones are in the way of your reward up above.
Don’t give them a hand just give them a shove,
Blame them for you troubles,
For the real estate market bubbles,
Your loved ones are in the way of your reward up above.
Friday, January 13, 2012
FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK
It’s Friday the Thirteenth today,
I think that in bed I will stay,
My truck will not start,
I fell on a lawn jart,
And, I was pecked in the head by a jay.
I think that in bed I will stay,
My truck will not start,
I fell on a lawn jart,
And, I was pecked in the head by a jay.
Labels:
BAD LUCK,
FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH SATIRE
Thursday, January 12, 2012
THERE WAS A BITTER MAN
There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter,
He attacked all in family over the media called twitter,
He attacked his cousin the monk,
Said his car-dealer uncle sold junk,
He even said his sister was a poor baby sitter.
He attacked all in family over the media called twitter,
He attacked his cousin the monk,
Said his car-dealer uncle sold junk,
He even said his sister was a poor baby sitter.
Labels:
BABY SITTER,
BITTER,
CAR-DEALER,
COUSIN,
FAMILY SATIRE,
JEALOUS SISTER,
JUNK,
MEDIA,
MONK,
RELATIVE SATIRE,
SOCIAL MEDIA,
SOCIAL MEDIA SATIRE,
TWITTER,
UNCLE
Sunday, January 8, 2012
I CAN'T REMEMBER ALL THE BOOKS THAT I'VE READ LIMERICK
I can’t remember all the books that I’ve read,
All the movies I’ve seen or the foods that I’ve fed,
All I know is that tomorrow,
Be it joyful or full of sorrow,
My experiences are the guides and so I’m led.l
All the movies I’ve seen or the foods that I’ve fed,
All I know is that tomorrow,
Be it joyful or full of sorrow,
My experiences are the guides and so I’m led.l
Labels:
PHILOSOPHICAL LIMERICK,
PHILOSOPHY,
SILLY LIMERICK
A NORTH POLE ELF NAMED HANES LIMERICK
There was a North Pole elf named Haynes,
He was in charge of the candy canes,
When the canes would not bend,
And were straight end to end,
He'd eat them though they gave him gas pains.
He was in charge of the candy canes,
When the canes would not bend,
And were straight end to end,
He'd eat them though they gave him gas pains.
COME THE GREAT POST APOCALYPSE OF 2012
Come the great post apocalypse of 2012,
I’ll get my meals ready to eat dinners off the shelve,
I will survive many years,
Though I’ll cry many tears,
So, into the past I must resolve not to delve.
I’ll get my meals ready to eat dinners off the shelve,
I will survive many years,
Though I’ll cry many tears,
So, into the past I must resolve not to delve.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2012 WILL SOON BE REVEALED
Soon 2012 will be revealed,
Then, we will know if our fate is sealed,
Should we have fun?
Or, should we run?
Or, will our infirmities be healed.
Then, we will know if our fate is sealed,
Should we have fun?
Or, should we run?
Or, will our infirmities be healed.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
MY PRESENT FROM SANTA WEIGHED FIFTY POUNDS LIMERICK
My present from Santa weighed nearly fifty pounds,
I figured it was a TV with audio that surrounds,
I opened my present fast to reach my goal,
But, it was just a huge lump of coal,
I guess my naughtiness has been way out of bounds.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
I WENT TO SELL MY STOCKS ON CHRISTMAS DAY
I went to sell my stocks on Christmas Day,
For I needed to buy presents and no way to pay,
But, Wall Street was closed,
I was totally hosed,
I’d better skip town right away.
For I needed to buy presents and no way to pay,
But, Wall Street was closed,
I was totally hosed,
I’d better skip town right away.
Labels:
CHRISTMAS DAY LIMERICK,
CHRISTMAS HUMOR,
CHRISTMAS LIMERICK,
CHRISTMAS SATIRE,
WALL STREET HUMOR,
WALL STREET SATIRE
Saturday, December 17, 2011
MY MOM HAD A PORCELAIN PIG
My mom had a porcelain pig,
I knocked it on the floor,
When it flew into a million pieces,
Mom through me out the door,
I then wandered without a home,
My finances were broke,
I tried to live at the Astrodome,
The police sent me to the poke,
I finally found a place to stay,
I was meant all along for jail,
Everyone finds their place someday,
If they cannot raise the bail. ,
I knocked it on the floor,
When it flew into a million pieces,
Mom through me out the door,
I then wandered without a home,
My finances were broke,
I tried to live at the Astrodome,
The police sent me to the poke,
I finally found a place to stay,
I was meant all along for jail,
Everyone finds their place someday,
If they cannot raise the bail. ,
Labels:
BAIL,
MOM,
PONY SATERICAL POEM,
PORCLAIN PIG,
SILLY POEM
Friday, December 16, 2011
I NEED SANTA TO TAKE ME DOWN SOUTH
I'm sitting in the house during a winter storm,
My heats been shut off so I'm not keeping warm,
Oh, Santa bring your sleigh,
And take me far away,
Take me far south where the temperatures are norm.
My heats been shut off so I'm not keeping warm,
Oh, Santa bring your sleigh,
And take me far away,
Take me far south where the temperatures are norm.
Labels:
HEAT SHUT OFF,
SANTA,
SANTA LIMERICK,
SANTA'S SLEIGH,
WINTER STORM,
WINTER WEATHER
Friday, December 9, 2011
WHAT LOVING MONEY GOT JILL
Jill loved money so,
Sold stock in a bogus firm,
Owns an island now.
Sold stock in a bogus firm,
Owns an island now.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
OH TURKEY DAY
Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I think we have a problem,
Though Halloween is far away,
My turkey is haunted by a goblin,
Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
My turkey would not get done,
No matter what the instructions say,
My turkey jumped up for a run,
Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I guess you shouldn’t cook a live bird,
No matter if fresh turkey is the fad of the day,
The turkey just might have the last word.
I think we have a problem,
Though Halloween is far away,
My turkey is haunted by a goblin,
Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
My turkey would not get done,
No matter what the instructions say,
My turkey jumped up for a run,
Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I guess you shouldn’t cook a live bird,
No matter if fresh turkey is the fad of the day,
The turkey just might have the last word.
Friday, November 18, 2011
SARAH THE LEPRECHAUN
I knew a leprechaun named Sarah,
She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara,
Oatmeal cookies she sold,
Made a big pot of gold,
So, she bought a diamond tiara.
She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara,
Oatmeal cookies she sold,
Made a big pot of gold,
So, she bought a diamond tiara.
Monday, November 14, 2011
JAKE THE LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK
I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.
Labels:
LEPRECHAUN LIMERICKS,
LEPRECHAUN SATIRE
Friday, November 11, 2011
JANE THE LEPRECHAUN
There was a leprechaun named Jane,
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A COLD FULL MOON IN NOVEMBER
A cold full moon in November,
Much colder than October,September,
Put the camp stuff away,
Summer fun had it's day,
It's not a month to remember.
Much colder than October,September,
Put the camp stuff away,
Summer fun had it's day,
It's not a month to remember.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS HAIKU
Woman of my dreams,
Has a great job, makes money,
I stay home all day.
Has a great job, makes money,
I stay home all day.
Labels:
WOMAN OF MY DREAMS,
WOMAN WITH GREAT JOB
Sunday, November 6, 2011
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME ENDS LIMERICK
Daylight savings time has ended its run,
Getting up so darn early has not been much fun,
Good riddens I say,
To saving some day,
For those that don’t work but have fun.
Getting up so darn early has not been much fun,
Good riddens I say,
To saving some day,
For those that don’t work but have fun.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
THE PROBLEM WITH STEVE LIMERICK
The problem with Steve is he didn't have a plan,
When he went out ice fishing way out on Lake Ann,
So, oh what a bummer,
The season was summer,
He couldn't swim a stroke so he ran.
When he went out ice fishing way out on Lake Ann,
So, oh what a bummer,
The season was summer,
He couldn't swim a stroke so he ran.
Labels:
ANGEL SATIRE,
FISHING SATIRE,
ICE FISHING,
SILLY LIMERICK
Friday, November 4, 2011
A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SAM LIMERICK
There was a leprechaun named Sam,
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”
Labels:
LEPRECHAUN LIMERICKS,
LEPRECHAUN SATIRE
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
THE ALIEN TRADE AGREEMENT
Crazy Benny went into deep space,
He went there to save the whole human race,
When he met an alien he said "check your shoelace",
Then Benny would spray him with his alien mace,
One day Benny met an alien with eyes all over his head,
Benny ran out of mace then his mind filled with dread,
Then the alien shook hands and said "My name is Fred,
Why do humans have such fear that you all wet to bed?"
Benny and the aliens became friends really fast,
They burried disagreements deep into the past,
Benny signed trade agreements that would clearly last,
In this new galaxy cheap labor numbers were vast,
Big business worships Benny until this very day,
He found them multi-taskers who would work for no pay.
He went there to save the whole human race,
When he met an alien he said "check your shoelace",
Then Benny would spray him with his alien mace,
One day Benny met an alien with eyes all over his head,
Benny ran out of mace then his mind filled with dread,
Then the alien shook hands and said "My name is Fred,
Why do humans have such fear that you all wet to bed?"
Benny and the aliens became friends really fast,
They burried disagreements deep into the past,
Benny signed trade agreements that would clearly last,
In this new galaxy cheap labor numbers were vast,
Big business worships Benny until this very day,
He found them multi-taskers who would work for no pay.
WHEN STEVE OVER USED HIS BRAIN
Steve did not read much,
Read Driver's Ed. booklet,
Brain swelled up, bye Steve.
Read Driver's Ed. booklet,
Brain swelled up, bye Steve.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
HURRICANE, HURRICANE GET OUT OF MY FACE
Hurricane, Hurricane get out of my face,
Or, I’ll spray in your eyes a can of bear mace,
Maybe you’d like that but, I’ll never know,
Because I have somewhere important to go,
Hurricane, Hurricane I’ve ten blocks to walk,
So, bring on your wind, hail and, general squawk,
For my wife had a baby whom I’m anxious to see,
And, no mere mortal storm comes between my family and me.
Or, I’ll spray in your eyes a can of bear mace,
Maybe you’d like that but, I’ll never know,
Because I have somewhere important to go,
Hurricane, Hurricane I’ve ten blocks to walk,
So, bring on your wind, hail and, general squawk,
For my wife had a baby whom I’m anxious to see,
And, no mere mortal storm comes between my family and me.
Labels:
FAMILY SATIRE,
HURRICANE,
HURRICANE HUMOR,
HURRICANE SATIRE,
NEW BORN
Sunday, October 16, 2011
A DOG WENT OUT AND SWAM IN THE BAY
A dog went swimming far out in the bay,
He caught a fish and swam back the same day,
He flopped the fish on the shore,
The fish flopped over twice more,
Then the fish swam far out and away,
He caught a fish and swam back the same day,
He flopped the fish on the shore,
The fish flopped over twice more,
Then the fish swam far out and away,
Saturday, October 15, 2011
MR. CAESAR AND THE IDES
The Ides of October come at mid-month near,
Did Mr. Caesar have something to fear?
I guess that was March mid,
When goodbye Caesar bid,
When he met all his friends that were dear.
Did Mr. Caesar have something to fear?
I guess that was March mid,
When goodbye Caesar bid,
When he met all his friends that were dear.
Labels:
CAESAR SATIRE,
IDES HUMOR,
IDES OF OCTOBER
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)