TWINKLE, TWINKLE I'M A STAR

Twinkle, Twinkle I'm a star,
After spending Thursday at the bar,
But, I'm out on the range,
How I got here is strange,
And, I'm not sure who owns this nice car. 

FREE MAIL LANDS DOC IN JAIL

I never had to get my mail,

My neighbor Doc, got it without fail,

He didn't  give it to me,

Doc considered my mail was free,

I wonder which neighbor will get it, now that Doc is in jail.

SAMMY'S SANDCASTLE AND THE SEA

Sammy's sandcastle was built too close to the sea,
Along came a whitecap and it ceased to be,
Sammy was ticked,
Not for the location he picked,
But, at the water that set the sand grains all free.

WHAT I DO DURING COVID LOCKDOWN

I like to eat my pork,

I like to eat my beans,

I like eating two slices of bread,

With tuna in betweens,

I like to eat cupcake,

I like my tatters too,

I once cut them up with carrots,

And, cooked them in a stew,

I like my apple cider,

I blended it with beer,

Grandad went and drank too much,

That's why grandad isn't here.

I GOT KICKED OUT OF THE DORMS

I went to the Hub to watch some performs,

The RA walked in and I got kicked from the dorms,

It was mid-winter and it was freezin'

The wind blew hard, no gentle breezin'

So, I built a large fire to keep me toes warms.

FISHIN' FOR MALNUTRITION

I decided to go ice fishin',
For dinner I was wishin',
A crawdad cut my line,
So, on my bait he could dine,
For my dinner, I'll have malnutrition.
 

THERE WAS A MOUSE NAMED LARRY? Limerick

There was a mouse named Larry,
His tail was wide and hairy,
He chased it around,
And, guess what he found,
He was really a squirrel named Mary.

The Bacon Grease Murder

I fried my pancakes the best I canned,

In bacon grease I watched them expand,

I feed my guy lots of grease,

Though, it clogs his ticker piece,

But, life insurance I understand.

FACING FEAR AND ENDING UP ON A GOLF CORUSE

I've always been afraid of heights don't you see?
So, I thought a pilots license was the right thing for me,
And, I was at my very best,
Until, I took the solo flight test,
Then, I froze and crashed on a golf course, 9th tee.

THE BOYSENBERRY GOLDFISH MURDER

A murder occurred in my little frog pond,

Where my goldfish met the great beyond,

I think my goldfish received a poison,

When he was fed the berry boysen,

By my neighbor who was not fond. 

NEW CAR, WHITE SEATS AND COFFEE HAIKU

New car, white seats, floor,
Hot coffee addiction, No!
New car, customized.

POOR LITTLE HYPER-TOAD

Poor, little hyper-toad,
If coffee you would not drink,
Then, you would not be so jittery,
And, your underarms might not stink,

Poor little hyper-toad,
Although your skin is green,
You have nasty grayish warts,
That are better left unseen,

Poor little hyper-toad,
You’re bad looks keep you unharmed,
You think no one will eat you,
Your aspect makes predators alarmed.

Poor little hyper-toad,
I might be just a hungry fox,
But, even I can easily tell,
You‘re ugly but have no pox.

Poor little hyper-toad,
You are picked on way to much,
But, soon your hurt feelings will go away,
Because I’m hungry now for lunch.

THE HOT EARTH, I DID THAT

I decided to raise the temperature quite a lot,

Releasing fridge gas was the plot,

In my shack the gas was squireled,

Then, came the day my plot unfurled,

I'm so proud at how hot it got.😈😈😈😈😈

I 

LITTLE OTTO AND HIS APPLE TREE

Little Otto's father and mother bought Otto an apple tree,

They told him it was a reward for Otto drinking all his tea,

Otto said he wanted a computer game,

And, an apple tree was not the same,

Otto's father and mother replied, "Otto's apples we'll eat free."

WHEN MY REMOTE CONTROL DIED

I happened to drop my remote control,
It sank to the bottom of my goldfish's bowl,
My remote control died,
My goldfish was fried,
After the service I buried them both in a hole.

I WAIL ON MY HORN WHEN, I LOSE MY CORN

Fall is here to freeze my corn,

I wish that fall was never born,

My last rose has died away,

I won't see  flowers until mid-May,

I be all tear drops forlorn,

I guess I'll wail on my English horn.

THE TWISTED WORM

We can't avoid the twisting worm,

 It lies down underneath,

 In decay it brings to term,

 The creature and the leaf,

 The worms kingdom is undiscovered, 

All dead-fall hides his race, 

Once gone down nothing is recovered,

 Unless, changed within the place, 

All life ends with a great dead-fall,

As the smell and rot affirms,

But, from the decay some shoots grow tall, 

Fed by feces from the worms.

 

 .

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION; FAILURE IS DESTINY

“Failure is not an option,” Bob would often spout,
But, Bob knew not what he was really talking about,
Bob’s future plans were bold,
Then, Bob grew very old,
Bob found “Failure is Destiny,” without a doubt.

LOVE AND THE GUILLOTINE

On my way to the guillotine, I found my one true love,

She was the one who washed the necks of those condemned by gov,

Although our romance was only chatter,

We shared the feelings that really matter,

And, we will one day meet at an all-you-can-eat restaurant, up above. 

GROWING GOLD ON DIRTY DISHES

In my kitchen sink I've grown so much mold,
That I'd be rich if such stuff could be sold,
A mold garden might be one of those niches,
That will bring me great riches,
If my alchemy can turn mold to gold.