IT CAME TO THE FAIR

I was manning a fair booth way, way late at night,

I was all alone, there were no peoples in sight,

BAM!!! a great lightning strike,

And, the lights take a hike,

Then, in steps a werewolf and, he knew what to bite.

WHEN DADDY AND MOMMY ARE KISSY KISSING

They were spooning, making out, first basing,

Out in public and, it was disgracing,

It was my mum and dad,

And, they were making me mad,

Their lovy-dove, for my street cred, was defacing. 

TITLE ME THIS

I am a titleist and my writing just stinks,

But, I write really great titles so, I'm added to links,

Then, when my writings are read,

No one knows what I've said,

And, the excitement for my title just sinks.

ANOTHER URBAN FAIR BOOTH STORY

I went to the Fair to work in a booth,

Got attacked by a mare that kicked out my tooth,

Then, a sow ate my toes,

A goat bit off my nose,

I swear to you all, that's the truth.

I SHOWED THE MOSS JUST WHO IS BOSS

My roof was all covered with moss,
So, some fertilizer I gave a toss,
The moss dried up and died,
And, I take belligerent pride,
In showing moss just who is the boss.

I GOT A NEW BODY TO HOLD MY BIG BRAIN

I got a new body to hold my gigantic brain,

It doesn't have heart failure or arthritis pain,

But, it was the body of a pig,

And, my brain was too big,

So, they trimed 10% now, I'm completely insane.  

I BOUGHT A BIGFOOT FOR MY MOM AND DAD POEM

I went to Canada and bought a Bigfoot,
I brought it home for my mom and my dad,
I thought it would keep them company,
But, they said I had done really bad,

The Bigfoot I bought was not house trained,
And, it would not stay in the yard nor the barn,
It broke down the house door and came inside,
Both my parents both screamed “Oh gosh darn!”

The big foot ate all of the stew up,
And, it drank all my dad’s homemade beer,
I guess buying a Bigfoot was a screw-up,
Then, he nibbled on dear old dad’s ear,

Then, my dad started to remember his old dog Frank,
And, how he loved drinking dad’s homemade beer,
The Bigfoot stunk just like his old dog Stank,
Dad proclaimed “the Bigfoot stays right here”,

So, my parents kept the Bigfoot they called Frank,
They seemed to have no more concerns,
It’s good my gift had a number one rank,
Because where I bought it they take no returns.

HOT SUMMER FULL MOON HAIKU

Hot summer full moon,
Stars, Mars, smores, marshmellow bars,
Sleeping bags, bugs, bites.

THE FLIES COME HATCHING OUT

The flies come hatching out,

Then,  through my window screen redoubt,

I swing flyswatter with flair,

But, it needs much repair,

My home swarms with flies all about.

I Accomplished A Lot By Two In The Morning

C'est la vie,

I missed my tea,

Flunked spelling Bee,

In pants, I pee,

Did all by two in the morning,

C'est la vie,

Lost only house key,

Burned macaroni,

My lover dumped me,

All by two in the morning,

C'est la vie,

Let love birdies free,

Sold car and tv,

To the deep woods I flee,

All by two in the morning,

C'est la vie,

In the woods a bear be,

Very hungry was he,

He chewed and ate me,

All by two in the morning.🧸

I WENT TO MANCELONA TO THE COURT OF THEIR QUEEN

I went to Mancelona to visit their great queen,

She was not pleased cause I was ragged and unclean,

She said "take him away,

Douse him good with bug spray,

And, dress him up and then, he just might get seen."

FUTURE MALE MODEL

I got caught in the tar pits and, downward I flow,

To be dug up in the future by blokes I don't know,

They'll put me on museum display,

My bones bare to the day,

Even though, I'm just a jaw bone and a toe.

I PLAGIARIZED MY TERM PAPER AND GOT AN F

I got a F on my term paper, because I plagiarized,
I copied from a book so, I'm not surprised,
I did not use quotes,
Let alone those tedious footnotes,
I guess that's why term papers are so despised.

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SAM THE SAILOR LIMERICK

There once was a sailor named Sam,
His teeth were carved from the shell of a clam,
During cold, clammy weather,
Sam's teeth stuck together,
Then, all Sam could mutter was "mam."

MY BAKING MAKES PEOPLE SICK

My blueberry muffins were not quite done,
After my friends ate them they all had to run,
Then, I baked a cake,
Which no one would take,
It seems no baked goods' patrons I've won.

LEAVE THE GOAT ALONE

I found a goat and took him straight to the fare,

I didn't realize he belonged to a backwoods bear,

Well, the bear came along,

He righted that wrong,

And, left my belly with a really big tear.

A FIGHT WITH TWO OR MORE GORILLAS

If you fight with two or more gorillas,

They'll each have 500 pounds over chinchillas,

Their bods are hard as a rock,

And, they will clean your clock,

Then, you'll take a dirt nap at one of the worm farming villas.

I COULD NOT PLAY MY TOOT, TOOT, TOOT

I could not play my toot, toot, toot,
My trumpet was broken but, not my flute,
Hence, I sounded a peep, peep, peep,
Which made the conductor weep, weep, weep,
So, out of the orchestra I got the boot.

"HEY BIG BEAR, I DON'T SCARE

A bear was out looking at my chicken koop wherein, lie my eggs,

I went to confront him and he stood up on his hind legs,

I said "you mister monster bear,

You are big but, I don't scare,"

 My son inherited the chicken koop less, the chickens and the eggs.

MY GOLDFISH AND THE PIE-HOLE

My goldfish were too big for their bowl,
I didn't have one larger to fulfill the bowl role,
So, I took my goldfish to the lake,
Where I thought they would take,
But, my fish ended up in a bullfrog's pie-hole.