IN MY TURKEY DINNER DREAM

In my turkey dinner dream,

There was never sour cream,

Like ships in the navy,

Taters floated in gravy,

I will resist your cream scheme.

THE EARLY CHRISTMAS TREE

I decided to get my Christmas tree early,

Because by Christmas they'll all be gone, surely,

I cut it down in the woods,

And against my outhouse it stoods,

But it lost the needles when the fall winds went whirly.

WHY I LOST MY APPETITE FOR A CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Christmas is coming, and I didn't know where the goose was at,

Turns out it had a lover, and the lover was a bat,

Now the babies fly around, the gats and bease,

Honking, hissing, leaving me little peace,

I think for Christmas dinner, we'll eat my kid's pet big white rat.

FEE-FI-FO-FOOP, I SMELL PORCH PIRATE SOUP

There was a little porch pirate who lived in the bushes near my stoop,

I knew he was living there, because I could smell his soup,

Every single day,

He'd steal my packages away,

Even my lawn mower, and my retro hula hoop.

THE STORM

I decided to go scuba,

Down in Aruba

But a hurricane was averted,

When the aircraft diverted,

That's why I scuba in Cuba.

TAINTED TURKEY, A COVER CHARGE AND MALT BALLS: THE CHRISTMAS DINNER I PREPARED

The tainted turkey was not my fault,

I thought I killed the taint with extra salt,

My family gave me jeers,

For charging to drink beers,

And for chocolate covered balls full of malt. 

A BIRTHDAY FOR CHRISTMAS

I celebrated my birthday on Christmas Day,

On my actual birthday, no one stopped by my way,

Still, nobody came,

Is Covid the blame?

Or, my flawed character, as most people say.

OUR CHRISTMAS YUMMIES

On Christmas we eat frozen berries,🍓

And lots of nuts and cherries,🍒🌰

We never eat meat,🐔🐀🐿🐘🐖🐄🐩

From critters with feet,👣👣👣👣

We eat snakes or bugs, it varies.🐞🐞🐞🐍🐍🐍🐜🐜🐜🐛🐛🐛

I WILL TOAST MY WINTER NUTS, WHEN I BURN MY CHRISTMAS TREE

I groomed this Christmas tree,

It's near pretty as a bee,

It's understood,

That all it's wood,

My fireplace will see.

LAME, THE HOLIDAY LIMERICK

Cars are sliding down the road,

Finding trees and getting towed,

And all the new snow,

We give a blow,

It's holidays and credit is owed. 

I GOT HONKED BY MY CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Fast and loose, the Christmas goose chased me across the yard,

Fast and loose, I was chased by that goose, while I wore just a thin leotard,

The goose caught me at last,

I got goose-honked for my past,

When I cheated the goose with a fixed playing card.

HOLIDAY SACRIFICE FOR NAUGHT

We have another holiday,

On presents I will spend my pay,

I'll catch a meal another day,

I sacrifice to hear someone say,

"I need the receipt, to return straight away."

DINNER, HUGS, BUGS, RUGS AND PORCELAIN

My family came over for dinner and hugs,

I love them so much, in their food I put bugs,

With a heave and and ho,

To my bathroom they go, 

I just hope they hit porcelain, not rugs.

GRANDMA'S SICK CHRISTMAS BATHROOM HUMOR

Each year to grandma's we all converge,

To set upon our annual family purge,

For eating turkey not done,

Is our little family fun,

Except, add some more bathrooms, we urge.

I GOT A QUANTUM COMPUTER FOR CHRISTMAS

I got a quantum computer but, don't know what it does,

Never heard of a quantum in books or in buzz,

I've been doing just fine,

Learning Albert Einstein,

With quantum, I don't know my now from my was.