THE TOOL SHED, TRAILER AND FIRE

In the back tool shed the generator ran,
To keep going my trailer's air conditioner and fan,
But, due to a fault in a wire,
My tool shed caught fire,
Now, my trailer is just an old hot tin can.

THE DROUGHT SURVIVALIST

All my tomato plants died in the drought,
As did the rest of my garden which made a drought rout,
So, with no veggies to eat,
I'll rely now on meat,
And, the crick has gone dry so no trout.

CLARITY OF MIND

Today I had a "clarity of mind,"
I realized that I was in a real bind,
My taxes were due,
My insurances too,
And, no money could I find.

BOWLING FOR BEERS AND ROMANCE

My buds and I went romance trolling,
To places that had cold beers and bowling,
But, after ten gutter balls,
And, getting embarrassing cat calls,
Towards home alone I went strolling.

A DAY ON THE LAWN

My riding mower got stuck in a rut,
My push mower wouldn't even put-put,
 My weed whacker rolled over with a wheeze,
The only thing it whacked were my arthritic knees.

I SMELL A LITTER BOX

I have the laziest cat in my dwelling,
Lately, his litter box has been smelling,
I told my cat to clean it out,
But, he just cracked open another stout,
Then, said that if I didn't clean it out he was telling.

DON'T BLOG BAD FACTS ABOUT SANTA

There were some bloggers on the net,

Who found some facts that many regret,

Regarding a violent Santa Claus,

Who got divorced for just cause,

Now, all Santa's fans are upset. 

ODE TO MY SNOW COVERED SHACK ON THE HILL

My snow covered shack up on the hill,
Came crashing down upon my still,
It buried my corn, my sugar, my mash,
It even buried two cans of corned beef hash,
All I saved were some pickles; I think they're dill.

TINKLE, TINKLE LITTLE CAR

Tinkle, tinkle little car,
Your oil leaks on the road tar,
Your radiator too,
Is leaking green-blue,
I don't think you'll go very far.

LIVESTOCK AND HEMLOCK

Jim raised cattle in the town of Hemlock,
Yet, the town's name don't sound friendly for stock,
For the main plant found round there,
Ain't corn, apple or pear,
But, the stopper of the chest thumping tick-toc.

BEING DIFFERENT ON THE BOTTOM

My little pontoon boat has sprung a big leak,
So, in seaweed on the lake bottom a refuge I seek,
And, all the fish way down there,
Give me such a real nasty stare,
That, I feel like a fish they label a "freak."

MY RICE WITH NO PUDDING

My rice pudding was all pudding free,

For only the rice was affordable to me,

But, maybe next year,

I'll spend far less on beer,

Then, there will be pudding and rice, maybe tea.

EVIL ROY THE MOTH LIMERICK

Roy was a great big summer moth,
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.

THE DRY NOODLE LIMERICK

Jim's noodles were so very dry,
They cracked his teeth oh my, oh my,
And, Jim's teeth were brand new,
So, the noodle maker he'll sue,
Jim wins if in the courtroom he'll cry.

THE RAT THAT ESCAPED FROM HIS CAGE

My pet rat has escaped from his cage,
His imprisonment has filled him with rage,
So, I dare not linger,
Lest I loose a toe or a finger,
For a war I fear he may wage.

A LIMERICK WITH NO MEANING BUT, IT RHYMES

Recces Roy set cans on fire,
They were garbage cans full of plastic wire,
He got away and then found,
The plastic wire underground,
Such groups signal a future that's dire.

FIRECRACKERS CAUSED MY EATING DISORDER

Firecrackers were so very loud last night,
They frightened my kitty and made him bite,
The crackers caused me ear pain,
And, most likely weight gain,
Because eating makes the crackers sound right.

I FISH FOR FOOTWEAR

I went out trolling and caught me a boot,
It fit well so I trolled for a suit,
Now, all I caught was a shoe,
But, it was red, white and blue,
So, I gave it a naval salute.

I BAN GETTING TAN

My tan lotion didn't make me real tan,
Instead, I turned red like tomatoes in a can,
Then, my skin peeled and peeled,
Until, I finally healed,
Now, sunbathing is an activity I ban.

THE BIRD BRAIN

A bird was flying right at me,
I wondered what it was,
It's identity was not important,
I just wondered just because,

I guessed it was a blue jay,
Then, I guessed it was a sparrow,
Then, I guessed it was a raven,
Then, I was struck down by the arrow.