THE TALE OF TWO TROTTER ON A POTTER

This be the tale of Mr. and Mrs. Trotter,

They liked eating raw oysters and otter,

They both spent much time on the potter,

They'd flush it away with much water,

Then they both laid down on the cotter,

MY FAILURE TO BAKE A GOOD CAKE

My cake was a bit overdone, 
The frosting was a watery run,
 And, the flavor I fear,
Was like old skunky beer,
And, heaving vomit for weeks was not fun.

THE FARMER IN THE DELL 2010-Limerick

There was a farmer who lived in a dell,
For him things did not go very well,
His pigs all had fleas,
The winter froze out his bees,
The farmer finally decided to sell.

The farmer in the dell owed money to the bank,
He could never repay it so, he was in the tank,
His stuff would not grow,
His cows starved in the snow,
His wife left saying he had himself to thank,

I HUNG UP MY SOCKS FOR SANTA

I hung up my socks by the old fireplace,
Hoping that Santa would come in the night,
I had no cookies sitting on the doily of lace,
My funds were all gone was my plight,

I and my family all went to sleep,
Waiting for the sunrise,
Haunted by the promises to be good we didn’t keep,
Because Santa was all knowing and all wise,

I don’t return to the library on time every book,
My son has been caught telling lies,
My daughter, my mother’s teeth she took,
When my wife wants her way, then she cries,

I’m not really sure why Santa stopped by,
For we’re unreliable, cry, steal teeth and tell lies,
But, Santa left us all kinds of food and great stuff,
For all of us it was an awesome surprise.

THE CHEAP PLASTIC SLEIGH

Santa Claus bought a new sleigh,
It was made out of plastic they say,
When Santa sat down,
The  cheap plastic broke down,
He loaded his old sleigh on Christmas Eve day.

STOCKS ARE MY FAMILY'S FUTURE

Today my stocks took quite a stumble,

It seems their earnings have taken a tumble,

I guess the kids will grow up lean,

No tacos and pizza; just pork and bean,

I can't wait until Christmas to hear them grumble. 

WHEN THE ROOF CAVES IN

Heavy snows made my old roof go crash,
Without insurance, I ran out of cash,
So, I got a loan from a bank,
Watched my credit tank,
I still have my barrel of corn mash.
 

I AM REALLY A FISH: OUTFOXING A WOLF LIMERICK

While hiking I met a timber wolf named Sam,
He wanted meat to eat with his toast and jam,
I told him I was not a meat dish,
I was really a fish,
While he was thinking I decided to scram.

PORCH PIRATES RUINED CHRISTMAS

Porch pirates, porch pirates what have you done?

You've ruined the Christmas for almost everyone,

You've stolen our cheer,

For those presents were dear,

A day just sitting with family is not fun.

Tears On Toilet Tissue Issues

Mr. Smith used toilet tissues,

When he cried his eyes out over issues,

His life partner Beau,

Told Smith to go,

Smith now texts Beau all day with miss yous.😞😢😭

JENNIFER PLAYS THE VIOLA LIMERICK

Jennifer plays the viola,
But, she can’t get a gig with payola,
To support her boyfriend bob,
She needed a job,
She stocks shelves with lemon-lime cola.

RITZY, DITZY SPIDER

A ritzy, ditzy spider licked on a lollipop,

Along came a frog that went hop, hop, hop,

The frog ate the spider and drank soda pop,

So, ritzy, ditzy spider drowned in the frog's belly.

MY FRUIT CAKE IS NO MORE

I once had a fruit cake that lived under my couch,

He ate my dropped French fries and cuddled with my kitty named Slouch,

But, what the fruit cake didn't reckon for,

Was my new puppy named Lore

Lore swallowed the cake before the cake could yell ouch!!!

BARNEY WAS A PIG WITH HANDS AND FEET-Limerick

Barney was a pig with hands and feet,
He thought cloven hooves did not look neat,
But, with his feet and his hands,
He could be eaten in more lands,
So Barney the pig was served as meat.

BUGS HID UP MY NOSE LIMERICK

I washed my hair most every day,

To try to keep the bugs away,

But, they hid up my nose,

Wouldn't budge with a hose,

So, I got them with a bottle of spray.
 

A MOOSE NAMED PETE-Limericks

Pete the moose was ten feet tall,
But, his feet were just too small,
He could not run fast,
'cause his ankles wouldn't last,
So, a grizzly came by to call.

There once was a moose named Pete,
He was not real fast on his feet,
He ran into a bear,
The bear did not scare,
The bear had plenty to eat.

BLOWING SNOW, A WINTER TALE

I gave the snow a big blow I'd say,

I blew the snow far, far away,

Over to the neighbors yard,

Whom, I knew weren't home today,

Blowing snow is a big job,

Which I did quite well anyway,

I cleaned the driveway out myself,

And had no one to pay.

HOW I MAKE BEAR SCAT

I fell in a hole on top of a bear, 

He was hibernating, so I didn't scare,

But here's the thing,

I took a nap until spring,

And woke up in the belly of the bear.

SANTA'S DATE WITH A DRAGON

Santa has a broke red wagon,

So on Christmas Eve he'll ride a dragon,

And without fail,

This dragon tale,

Will keep Santa non-stop bragging. 

THE BAND CALLED PARENT TORMENT

Penny played the clarinet,
Phyllis beat the drum,
Patty tooted her french horn,
Mom and dad drank coke and rum.