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Wednesday, June 30, 2021

MACY THE WHITE TAILED DEER-Limerick

Macy is a white tailed deer,
She crosses traffic when it's clear,
She will wait for days,
She will look both ways,
That's why Macy is still here.

A deer named Macy eats in sweet corn fields,
She angers farmers as she reduces yields,
They all want her to pay,
She outwits them each day,
Her cunning is the one weapon she wields.

PARADISE FOR SALE?

My trailer is starting to decompose,
The plumbing is shot so, I hooked the pump to a hose,
The roof leaks streams in the rain,
My caved in floors provide a drain,
I'd sell but, I'd owe money at close.





Tuesday, June 29, 2021

THE EATER OF BUGS PART II

Sid the Mantis was an eater of bugs,
He trounced on them and gave them no hugs,
In Sid's worldly view,
Bugs were just too few,
They taste great though they have ugly mugs.

The Little Living Brain

Though my family protested that I was insane,
I obtained a licence to fly an airplane,
Well, I let autopilot be my guide,
So, I could sleep on each ride,
Now, I swim in an ocean to keep a living brain.

Monday, June 28, 2021

DEATH OF A SPORTS CAR (NOT)

We went to the parade to celebrate Pride,
But, on the way there my Ford Focus, it died,
Good news, through the kindness of a stranger,
We road to Pride with his Ranger,
My little car didn't go but, it tried.




Sunday, June 27, 2021

BARRY'S MARCHING BAND LIMERICK

Barry's band marched in a parade down the main street,

But, no one could tell their right from left feet,

They couldn't march in a straight line,

But, sounded just fine,

Even though, the drum major couldn't keep the beat.

Saturday, June 26, 2021

TIME LOOP FROM HELL

I got caught in a really nasty, bending time loop,
I was stuck in the past when pop was hula hoop,
While, the stuff on TV, 
Made me just want to flee,
And, the food was just crackers and soup.

Friday, June 25, 2021

THERE ONCE WAS A BOATER NAMED FRANK

There once was a boater named Frank,
He kept running up on the bank,
He once missed the dock,
Slammed into a rock,
Of course then, his boat quickly sank.

A boater named Frank went out on the bay,
It thundered and lightning all of the day,
His boat motor got popped,
Into the water it dropped,
Then, Frank paddled home all of the way.

MY TWEETS BROUGHT MY POLL NUMBERS DOWN

I ran for public office and got run out of town,
I thought I was serious, they called me a clown,
I tweeted, "no money for roads,"
And, "let the people eat toads,"
So, my tweets brought my poll numbers down. 

USING HAIKU TO DEFINE YOUTH AND ADULTHOOD AS A BIOLOGICAL AND SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

Young, old, difference,
Young, flagellation, funny
Old, farts, annoying.

Thursday, June 24, 2021

THEY SUCK BLOOD BETWEEN OUR TOES

I thought I'd give my friend some teaches,
As we walked along the beaches,
We found fossil stones,
Some carp fish bones,
Alas, between our toes sucked, leaches.

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

MY SQUIRRELS FAVORITE PIE

My piney, smelly cones,
They're the seed dispensers bones,
I pile them high,
And make the squirrels a pie,
Then, they eat the pie on down to the stones.














Tuesday, June 22, 2021

INSURANCE QUOTES FOR SQUEAKY DUCK FLOATS

In the canal there was nothing but boats,
All of them yellow like squeaky duck floats,
But, on the day of the storm,
The boats had a submarine norm,
And, were the subjects of insurance quotes.

ODE TO THE FLAVOR CALLED CHEDDAR CHEESE

Ode to the flavor called cheddar cheese,
For it is the flavor that aims to please,
Whether it's on top of french fries,
Or, hot apple pies,
Cheddar helps to spread severe heart disease.  

MY PUPPY QUINTON

I went to a party to celebrate Pride,
My puppy Quinton insisted, he stay by my side,
He perceives relationship dangers,
When I mingle with strangers,
And, he yanks on his leash to pull me from their side.

Monday, June 21, 2021

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

We went on a picnic to celebrate Pride,
You had diety foods and I had mine deep fat fried,
And, that diet special latte you drink,
Smells like the drain in our sink,
After that mouse crawled in it and died.



Sunday, June 20, 2021

MY INGROWN TOE-NAIL

My ingrown toe-nail I can't lie,
Made my bug eyes cry and cry,
It was such pain,
I became insane,
I sliced off my toe nail with a wood plane
.

Saturday, June 19, 2021

THE CORN ROAST LIMERICK

Moose Gillies would brag and would boast,
About his annual summer corn roast,
But, this year he got bent,
When in the fire the corn went,
And, was burnt blacker than his wife's turkey breast roast.  

Thursday, June 17, 2021

THE SNACK DOG

My puppy would only eat snacks,
Like cheese on tasty bacon cracks,
And, ice cream in a cup
Was his favorite sup,
He loved popcorn in big buttery sacks.

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

MY PUPPY HAD A BIG BOWL MOVEMENT

My pup moved his bowl from the mudroom to the fridge,
Then, he sat there next to it looking over the bowl ridge,
He ached in his soul,
For fridge food in his bowl,
He wouldn't have prevailed except for my kid sister Midge.