BENNY AND HIS UNIVERSE AND PIE

Benny has a great big tree,
Where he sits up in the sky,
Eating his potato chips,
And, eating apple-pumpkin pie,

Benny ponders on the universe,
While filling up his face,
And, wishes for a soda pop,
To fill his existential place.

WHY I CAN'T HUNT NO MORE

I went out hunting bear,
The bear went out hunting me,
I dropped my gun and went on the run,
But the bear beat me to my RV,

I went out hunting deer,
I shot at an enormous buck,
I missed and hit a little doe,
My fine could have bought truck,

I went out hunting turkeys,
But I did not see a one,
I accidentally shot my neighbors goose,

Then a judge said my hunting was done.

MY HALLOWEEN PUMPKIN SPICE CAKE

The only way I'll make a cake,🍩

Is if it's fried; I never bake.💥

I'll include a pinch of pumpkin spice,🎃

It's Halloween, it will taste nice,👻💩

Then, I'll serve it with fried eggs and stake.🐔🐮

THERE WAS NOTHING BUT METHANE ON PLANET D

There was nothing but methane on old planet "D",

Then, I lit up my cigar and the planet went "B",
Oh what a day,
It blew me away,
Now, I'm flying at light speed by old planet "Z".

HALLOWEEN CANDY FOR MONSTERS

I never knew a zombie who didn't like brains packed in his lunch,

I never knew a vampire who didn't like blood in his blood punch,

I never knew a witch who didn't munch on bat,

Or, a ghoul who didn't snack on the corpse of a rat,

I never knew a werewolf who did not like to make bones crunch. 

THE DEMON DOG AND THE WEREWOLVES

When you go out trick or treating, 

That's when werewolves will be eating,

But a demon dog,

Who eats like a hog,

On werewolves he be feeding.

WHY DREAM OF MARS

Celine looked out the window at cars,
While dreaming of moving to mars,
But, mars is all gravel and rocks,
With sundial tic-tocs,
And, all there dream of moving to stars. 

SOME SAY MY HOUSE IS HAUNTED

Someone said that when I go sleepy,
Then my house looks really creepy,
It creeks and cracks,
It coughs and hacks,
It cries like it is weepy.

THE MEAN MARTIAN FOUND ME ON HALLOWEEN LIMERICK

I decided to hide all night, Halloween,

Witches, vampires, werewolves are just not my seen,

Then, down from the sky,

A martian dropped by,

And, bit me because he was mean.

FARE THEE WELL MY PUMPKIN PATCH

Fare thee well my Pumpkin Patch,

May you  grow pumpkins that I might hatch,

So that I might take the seeds,

For on such yields my family feeds,

And, some seeds to sow next season's batch. 

CHICKENS DON'T GO TO HEAVEN LIMERICK

Chickens don't go to heaven when they die,
Sometimes they are roasted but, most often they fry,
Though cleaning chickens may sicken,
Fried outsides are finger-lickin'
And, the innards make a tasty pot pie.

DEMON DAZE AT THE GROCERY STORE

100 hungry demons came storming through my door,

They ate my pets and family, still they wanted more,

I know demons are really bad,

But I couldn't see them looking sad,

So I gave them lots of money and sent them to the grocery store.

I WINTER IN MICHIGAN LIMERICK

In winter out in Michigan's deep pine woods,
I've lived mostly on canned beans and a lot of dry goods,
I've lived in just shacks and old trailers,
With secondhand shops for tailors,
And, ate deserts of dried berries and puds.

I WAS DISARMED BY A HUNGRY ZOMBIE

A zombie who had no charm,

Bit off my pretty right arm,

Then after he fed,

He walked away with the dead,

I reincarnated as a pig on a farm.🐖

HO, HO, HO AND IT'S TIME TO SNOW

Such dreaded heat I can't remember,

I'm using air conditioning in late September,

But soon, ho, ho, ho,

We'll be covered with snow,

In late October or early November. 

SEPTEMBER FULL MOON LIMERICK

The full moon brings September woe,
We will be soon consumed by rain then snow,
The snow won't go away,
Until April it will stay,🏂
Winter misery is all that we'll know.⛄⛄⛄

MY UNREQUITED LOVE

My unrequited love,

I know you go on to the world of lovers where I will not be,

Still, in my heart I imagine you stay here with me,

And, great joy and happiness we find together,

On a ship in space in the distant future,

We share our lives for an eternity,

Joyous with all the amenities of this world,

And, of the tunes, tones and entertainments,

That exhaust all thoughts of boredom,

To this world I will imagine you and I,

Until my human thoughts all die.

HAMMERHEAD SHARK IN A LAKE MICHIGAN BAY

A hammerhead shark was spotted today,
They are seldom seen out in Grand Traverse Bay,
But, this shark was at ease,
Riding around on jet skis,
And, he only scared seagulls away.

JUNE BUFFOON

This is a strawberry June,

A world where normal is the buffoon

Where truth dies on the spot,

Between what is real and is not,

Guess, I'll see you soon.

JENNY AND THE FULL MOON MONSTERS

Jenny went out alone to see the moon,
It was full and round like a big balloon,
But, she forgot to beware,
For the werewolves were there,
Now, Jenny sings an angelic tune.

Jenny found monsters,
Under the full moon,
They weren't there for play,
They weren't there to spoon,

They ate her that night,
Many locals will say,
Beneath the moon big and bright,
Until the break of the day,

The werewolves scarfed down Jenny's bones,
Then, filled the night with werewolf tones,
No trace of Jenny was amongst the stones,
Except, for her purse and two broken cell phones.