THERE WAS A BAND THAT PLAYED OUT OF TUNE

A band played way out of tune,
They played from midnight until noon,
And, they could not keep a beat,
Even tapping their feet,
I wish they would quit really soon.

DRIVER'S EYE EXAM HAIKU

Driver’s exam, eyes,
Letters, blur, blur, gone, can't see,
No see, no drive, Failed!

I DID NOT FRECKLE WELL

I fear my face has been Dr. Jeckeled,
I went to bed with clear skin and woke up all freckled,
And, the great change in my face,
Has my friends on my case,
For all the rest of the day I was heckled.

IT'S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK

It's Friday the Thirteenth and I can't win,
I'm being visited by a houseful of kin,
They devoured all my steaks,
Leaving me to eat just pancakes,
And, they drank all of my beer, wine, bourbon and gin.

NO PAY NO STAY

Your rent you must always pay,
If you don‘t you‘ll be forced away,
Like my parents would always say,
“Remember son, no pay no stay.”

JASON WAS THE LIMERICK KING

Jason was the limerick king,
He could rhyme about anything,
He was good with the rhyme,
But his time was a crime,
So he never had any bling.

JASON TRIED TO WRITE MUSIC VERSE

Jason tried to write music verse,
But, each revision sounded worse,
His love unrequited,
Got no one excited,
He became a registered nurse.

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HAROLD THE THESPIAN

Harold was a thespian,
He wrote the thespian news,
In order to right something that sounded good,
Harold really hit the hard booze,

So many actors were really bad,
Harold could not hide his humor,
They gave so much that it was sad,
That their acting was a cancer tumor,

Their timing was way off,
Their sincerity was not true,
They sounded best when someone would cough,
They were terrible and all but, they knew.

LIONS NEED ME

Woods, full of lions,
Stalking, drooling, pining me,
Feelings, needed, me.

THE YELLOWED COWBOY HAT OF TEXAS

I decided to go to the Western Bar,
I walked because it was not too far,
My white cowboy hat had yellowed,
So, passersby bellowed,
My western look wasn't quite par.

HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

My fingers got blown off today,
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because, of hot apps downloaded in May.

HEADLESS BODIES AND SHARKS IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

In Grand Traverse Bay there are sharks who will bite,
So, onto your arms and your legs hold on tight,
And, best guard your head,
If sharks eat that you're dead,
And, headless bodies fill tourists with fright.

I GOT A CRICKET

I got a cricket beneath my old bed,
I got it's chirping in my throbbing head,
So, I took a look,
To smack him with a book,
Out the window the cricket done fled.

HOLIDAY CRISIS

Everyone has left town for a holiday bash,

It's off to the lake for a tan and a splash,

And, the prices I'm told,

Reflect a weekend oversold,

So, there's a crisis of credit and cash,

I STEADIED MY JIG TO EAT FISH LIKE A PIG

I went fishing out on the waves so big,

I used 10 lbs of sinkers to steady my jig,

And, did I hook a whopper,

A real surface flopper,

Then, that night I ate fish like a pig.

THE SHARKS IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

There's sharks in Grand Traverse Bay,
Otherwise, it's a nice place to stay,
But, the sharks always attack,
Few swimmers come back,
And, upfront at hotels you must pay.

HAMELET THE DIPSY DIVER SWIMS FAST

Hamlet was a shy dipsy diver bug,
He'd dive if he caught a glimpse of your mug,
He'd swim ten foot away,
Before you could say,
"He must use a performance enhancing drug."

POISED TO BE A WINNER

I am poised to be a winner if, no one else shows up,

I will run the mighty hometown dash and take home the winner's cup,

For although I know I'm slow,

If no one else shows up at go,

I will be attended by my fans tonight at the local brew and sup.

MY SPACESHIP DIDN'T MAKE AND NEITHER DID I

My spaceship didn't get into outer space,

Instead, it crashed upon it's face,

I would have cried,

But, of course I died,

In the angel's choir I sing base.

THE TENOR PIG THAT MADE IT BIG

I gave my pig a real fair choice,
Become a ham or use his voice,
His tenor voice was brilliant,
Really opera resilient,
Now, his ride is a custom Rolls Royce. 

MY SALMON FISHING DAY

Salmon fishing, cold,
Leaky waders, wet socks, POW!!!
Run over, boat, OUCH!!!