ON HALLOWEEN A WITCH FLEW HER BROOM-Limerick

On Halloween a witch flew her broom,
She flew really low and went Zoom!!!
She hit a rock,
It cleaned her clock,
Her broom then blew up and went Boom!!!

SANTA BOUGHT A HOUSE IN PALM SPRINGS

Santa bought a winter house in Palm Springs,
He went there when he was done with  Santa things,
At the club he dressed so debonair,
He looked well with money to spare,
For he pawned his wife’s gold bracelets and rings.

FLAT WORM INVASION

There was a flat worm named Jimmy,

And in Robert's tummy, he'd shimmy,

Jim's babies made Robert unwell,

The babies Robert did expel,

The babies found a home in big Timmy.

THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND ME

What if the universe runs out of time,
Can I still eat my beef that is labeled as prime?
Can I admire my gardens of veggies and flowers?
Or, nip away at cheap whisky I flavor with sours?
When the universe ends for all these things I will pine,
So, I'll now increase consumption then, at the end I won't whine.

PATCHES DUG HOLES LIMERICKS

Patches was a dog who liked to did holes,
He dug up frogs and mice and little ground moles,
But, on one fine day,
Patches went away some say,
When a snake made Patches part of his fat rolls.

Patches dug holes to burry his meals,
Patches dug holes to hide the kids cars called Hot Wheels,
Patches was nice to your face,
But, he'd burry your briefcase,
Patches will burry most everything he steals.

THE HALLOWEEN BOO MALT

I put pepper and salt,

In my Halloween malt,

And a dash of sweet pumpkin too,

Along with spider eyes,

And little fat flies,

Makes you ready to burp out a "Boo!".

LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

LEPRECHAUNS

There was a leprechaun named Pete,
Corned beef and cabbage was all he’d eat,
He was full of green gas,
And, could not get a lass,
He made music all night tweet, tweet, tweet.

THE PSYCHIC POWERS OF GRAPE JUICE

There was a psychic named Dottie Mapes,
She got her powers from the vine of grapes,
When she indulged she'd see such shapes,
Some were human and some were apes,

Sometimes her visions were just plain silly,
Like the monkey she saw named Colonel Willy,
He appeared wearing a Confederate hat,
He had a corn cob pipe and a baseball bat,

Willie liked to play checkers 'till morning,
Like most ghosts he'd be gone with no warning,
Grape juice, it seems, is not good for MS Mapes,
She'd best stick with juice not made out of grapes.

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HALLOWEEN MOON LIMERICK

Rachel played on her bassoon,

Rick spit into his spittoon,

Dick, Dave and Fred,

Danced the dance of the dead,

All, under an All Hallow's Day moon. 

I WENT TO VISIT THE BIG STATE FAIR

I went to the visit the big state fair,
Lots of big cows and fat piggys were there,
The chickens looked lean,
The goats were just mean,
The sheep all had mange and no hair.

THE FALL OF MY SUMMER

My woods is dying,

My eyes are crying,

Winter's here,

Warm days are dear,

And snowflakes will be flying.

THE BELL TOLLS FOR MY GOLDFISHES

My mom told me to clean my goldfish bowl,
I ignored her and left them smelly in their hole,
Mom got mad as a badly bugged bee,
So, in the birdbath set my fish free,
A robin made my fishes bell toll.

THE TORTOISE AND THE ECLAIR

There once was a tortoise who ate only eclairs,

The tortoise laid 3 eggs and from the 3 eggs came 3 bears,

Then there was the bird,

That nobody heard,

The bird got straight A's in school, but nobody cared.

THE DEMON DOG ATE ME AND MY HOG

He was a demon dog,

Who went and ate my hog,

Then he bit me,

I spilled my tea,

Then my dying brain was a fog.

THE HALLOWEEN DESERT LIMERICK

When my Halloween pumpkin started to smoke,

I put out the fire with my Coke,

With a fork, gave Pumpky a little poke,

Hoped no curse, he will invoke,

Now he's a pie, and that's no joke.

UNHAPPY HALLOWEEN

On every Halloween,

Most ghosts get really mean,

They want only candy, not hugs

They behave like real thugs,

And vampires, they're a worse scene. 

ALL I HAD

All I had was a bottle of glue,

Some tuna that had turned green and blue,

Some bug that had warts,

Little twigs of all sorts,

And that's what's in your supper stew.

BEWARE THE HUNGRY BEAR HAIKU

Beware, hungry bears,
People taste just like chicken,
A real treat for bears.

MY COOKIES SMELL

My cookies are tasting real funky,

And their smell, reminds me of skunky,

Of course the cookies I'll eat,

For my afternoon treat,

I'll just give them a deep coffee dunky.

WARPY, WARPY TIME MACHINE

Warpy, Warpy time machine,

Warp me to a place where I can clean,

Warp me not to a place of power,

Just warp to a place I can shower,

Warping makes one all guey-green