IT RAINED ON MY SNOWMAN ARMY PARADE

Down the rain kept coming and washed my snowman army all away,

I was going to invade the neighbor's rhubarb patch on the first full day of May,

With winter labors I made 

My snowmen on parade,

Now, I'll have to start over with clay.

THE APRIL SNOWS WOES

April snows,
Bring garden woes,
And, ruins everything,

April snows,
Freezes little toes,
And, makes infected ear drums ring,

April snows,
As April goes,
Is no harbinger of Spring,

April Snows,
As everyone knows,
Puts one on Google and/or Bing.

 

MOW THE GRASS

It’s the time of the year to mow the grass,
Although I’d rather just take a pass,
My mower don’t run,
It’s hot in the sun,
The bugs bite me all over my mass.

Mowing the grass is a mortal sin,
It will just grow right back again,
If my heart has an attack,
I'll never grow back,
So, why not let the long grass win?

OLD VICKER THE WICKER PICKER

There was a man named Mr. Vicker,
His passion was restoring old wicker,
He'd prowl down the streets,
Looking for wicker without seats,
He was known as the old wicker picker.

WOODPECKER

The woodpecker pecked wood real jerky,

His bobble head made him look quirky,

His sudden jumps showed he was perky, 

"What'd ya expect?" he said, "I ain't no turkey."

POOR WEASEL PAUL

Poor Weasel Paul went and bit on a bear,
Which he wouldn't have done, but for Weasel Will's dare,
It's not much of a hunch,
What the bear had for lunch,
Which gave Weasel Will a big scare.

A RED BRICK NAMED DAVE

There was a red brick named Dave,
Each day he would rant and rave,
He was part of a wall,
About eight feet tall,
He wished to be part of the pave.

WAR AND FAMINE

I have no hamburger, because of the horrible war,

I ate my goldfish, named Sammy, because I am poor,

Overseas, the bombs are blasting,

Here, my pantry ain't lasting,

And my mouth is now bleeding, because I chewed on the floor,

I then chewed on the chair legs, because I wanted more.

,

I TANKED A TANK AND A BANK

I was in the army and drove a tank,

I drove it out on a lake and it sank,

The army could see,

They did not want me, 

Now, I run a home mortgage bank.

UPON MY TOMATO FRUIT SHALL FEED

I have a little tomato plant that I grew from seed,

When my sister saw it she told mom I grew a weed,

Since my sister is a snoot,

She'll get no tomato fruit,

For only the nicest people upon my fruit shall feed.

MAYBE IT'S THE BOOGEYMAN?

As I laid upon my bed,

Someone painted my toenails red,

Did some elf play a part?

Or, a troll's expression of art?  

Maybe it's the boogeyman trying to get inside my head?

SPOILED DEVILED EGGS HAIKU

Deviled eggs, spoiled,
Bad feeling, not right, belly,
Bathroom, bathroom, SICK!

BOREDOM IS TWO BOWLS OF OATMEAL

So I could find my day through,

I ate an oatmeal bowl times two,

I've a long list of to do,

Starting with a dog walk and poo, 

Then, I'll be milking old Sue, 

The cow that don't moo.

Then, a night cap at Pub Lou,

Each day ends, nothing new,

Yes, lifelong nightmares do come true,

THE STARSHIP BRAIN TRAINER FAILED

Nine thousand years ago I arrived in a starship

I came from a star in your constellation Big Dip,

My mission was to train,

A human to use it's brain,

Obviously, I failed and I don't give a rip.

THAT GNOME GAVE ME A FUNNY LOOK LIMERICK

Watch out the gnomes are coming for you,

They will bite you and eat you and your family too,

They stand out on your dirt,

With their wink you think "flirt",

When, they only look at you as a stew.
 

BEAT BY WALL STREET

Because I invest with a Wall Street bank,
I should not be upset when my savings tank,
Their advice is often really rank,
They trade against me; they’re such a skank,

My broker is drinking imported booze,
While he tells me the really bad news,
He gets out a gun and says “Beat it, you loose,
If you don’t leave now I’ll call the cops if I choose”,

Now while my broker vacations in Rome,
He spends all my money; that little gnome,
I thought I’d retire to a really nice home,
Instead I’ll be buried in a casket of foam.

JENNY HAD A MORGAN SILVER DOLLAR

Jenny had a Morgan Silver Dollar,
It was dated 1883,
When you flipped it over,
It had the mint mark of a “C”,

Jenny sold her silver dollar,
She then felt very rich,
For the several hundred dollars she got,
Would scratch her shopping itch.

MY MILK TURNED INTO CHEESE

My cereal this morning was kind of chewy,
Then, I discovered the milk tasted screwy,
It just made me wheeze,
For my milk had turned into cheese,
So, I added veggies and had cheese ratatouille.

SPRING FOG RISES HAIKU

The spring fog rises,
Glowing white drifts over snow,
Snow melts, dirt rises.

MY DOGGIE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN ME🤔

My big doggy, his name is Clark,

He bites neighbors and goes, "Bark! Bark! Bark!"

The cops came to see him one day,

They had a back and forth say,

Now Clark is employed as the neighborhood nark.