THE YOGURT THAT WOULD NOT DIE

A lot of spoiled yogurt was in the cake I made,

And, in the belly's of cake partakers the yogurt stayed, and stayed, and stayed,

The ambulances came,

And, I got all the blame,

So, in the resulting lawsuits I payed, and payed, and payed.

THE RABBIT AND MY TULIPS

My tulips all bloomed and bloomed,
But  the rabbit consumed and consumed,
And, I don't think it's fair,
Now my tulips aren't there,
While the rabbit sits chin up and groomed.

CARMAN THE CRAYFISH

Carman was a crayfish,
She played in mud all day,
She once climbed into a clay dish,
Then Carmen went away,

Carman was sold as a crawdad,
She ended up in stew,
Carmen did not taste half bad,
The way most crayfish do,

So, this is how this story will wrap,
Beware ye crayfish who like to play,
Stay away from the crayfish trap,
Or you might be crawdad soufflé.

RANDY THE CINNAMON BUN

There was a cinnamon bun named Randy,
His owner was a young girl named Candy,
Randy tried to jump free,
But, got really dirty,
It was good the garbage was handy.

THE BAD LUCK GAMBLER

I went to Michigan's Turtle Bay Casino,

Lost at all the games I played except for Keno,

But, the loser's way,

Is my typical day,

I learned that when I went bankrupt in Reno.

MUSTARD GAS BREATH EARNS NO CHARMS

Jim grew a stink garden between his toes,

He blew a sandstorm out of his nose,

The air was toxic beneath his arms,

With mustard gas breath he earned no charms,

An hygienic makeover is where this goes. 

A LIMERICK FOR APRIL (THE MONTH)

After a winter that really stunk,
I find my yard is filled with junk,
With the leaves and twigs,
And butts from the cigs,
And the garbage that blew out of my trunk

BENNY HAD TO TAKE A PEA

Benny had to take a pea,

Out of a pea poddy

He needed the form,

Twas a pea corn born norm,

So he could bounce it off a tree.

A FOOL AND HIS CAR ON THIN ICE ARE SOON PARTED

I drove my car out on the ice to do some tip up fishing,

Then, I found out that safe ice was just some foolish wishing,

Under my tires there was a "crack, crack,"

Then, I knew the lake was about to attack,

And, down went my car,

But, it didn't sink too far,

For it landed on another car's back. 

THE RAINBOW AND THE HOSE HOLDER HAIKU

Rainbow, chase dreams, air,
Rainbow maker, all worship,
Sun, Hose holder rules,

SANDY MY PET PYTHON LIMERICK: SANDY GETS THE CHAIR

Sandy was my pet python snake,
She ate all my neighbors and oh, was that a mistake,
It was so hard to bare,
When Sandy went to the chair,
Sadly, I was alone at Sandy's neighborhood wake.

I WON'T FLY ON THAT AIRLINE AGAIN

I decided to go flying,

Didn't know I'd soon be dying,

When we hit a mountain spire,

The plane lit me on fire,

For mountain critters, my meat was frying.

MONDAY THE 13TH

Monday the 13th and I'm out of luck,

No sleep so, my work day is in muck,

I guzzled coffee and got wired,

So much so, I got fired,

And, my car got painted by 12 seagulls and a duck.

BIG BEN AND HIS TIME TRAVEL MACHINE

Big Ben had a time travel machine,
He went back to when earth was pristine,
The earth looked really good,
Where garbage dumps had once stood,
And, the air was so sweet and so clean.

Big Ben traveled back in time,
To where no one ever commited a crime,
He decided to stay,
A million years far away,
From the people that had created the slime.

CARL'S HOMEMADE SWEET & SOUR YEAST WINE

Carl's homemade wine tasted like vinegar,
So, he added sugar to the red beast,
It then tasted like really sweet vinegar,
So, Carl added four more packs of yeast,

Now, Carl raves about his red delight,
But, whenever people come over to dine,
They praise the cooking and that said,
Won't touch Carl's sweet & sour yeast tasting wine.  

ODE TO THE DEEP DARK WEB

Why not live on the deep dark web,
The deep dark web's for me,
Why not live on the deep dark web,
Where the media all comes free,

I use to pay for this and that,
Yeah, all those subscriber fees,
I ate Ramon noodles while the fat cats got fat,
I watched old TV while they watched new sleaze,

Now, I recommend the deep dark web,
You get great content without the billing,
The games, music, and shows on the deep dark web,
Are absolutely thrilling,

Well, things have changed an awful lot,
Since, I found the deep dark web,
It's like I've found a new formed Camelot,
While, my cash outflows have a major ebb.

JEFF WAS THE MASTER OF TELEPORTATION LIMERICK

Jeff was the master of teleportation,
He teleported from nation to nation,
He teleported to Mars,
And then to the stars,
But, he got sick from teleport radiation.

THE RESTAURANT DISHWAHSING SNAILS LIMERICK

Owning a restaurant was one of Joan's greatest wishes,

Now that she owns one she hates washing dishes,

On cleaning dishes she fails,

So, she picked up some snails,

The snails clean but, they leave behind gooey squishes.

 

WHAT'S IN THE STEW?

Margaret, Margaret what's in the stew?
I ate here on Tuesday and came down with the flu,
I use to think no stew finer,
Than the stew at your diner,
But, the last day I ate here I rue.

MY GIRLFRIEND CLEANED MY HOUSE

I had a girlfriend for a very short time,
When she cleaned my house her bad words didn't rhyme,
The porcelains were not white,
Carpet stains from party night,
And the appliances incubated green slime.