THE SNOW PARK TWO

I went to the Snow Park because I had a free pass,

But it was so cold and snowy, I froze my mass,

But I had some cheer,

Drinking ice cold root beer,

until I slipped and fell down on my glass.

A LOG AND A JOG

I went to the park to give it a jog,
And I slammed into a tree because of the fog,
Now, O.K. I would be,
Not so much for the tree,
It tipped over and is now called a log.

TREE HITS HOUSE HAIKU

Tree hits house, hard, crash,
No insurance! Paid too late,
So sad, no pad, ouch!

A WITCH TURNED ME

A witch turned me into a turtle, not nice,

I did nothing to him, except the crab lice,

But I'm not to blame,

For his scratches of shame,

I got them from my friends, the mice.

I GOT PINE TREE JUICE ON MY FEET LIMERICK

I got pine tree juice all over my two feet,
It's sticky and nasty and just can't be beat,
I tried to use soap,
But it gave me no hope,
I'm glad my cat thinks pine tree juice is a treat.

Snow Park Fun One

I went to the Snow Park to look at the snow,

And as I watched it, the snow started to grow,

I got covered in a case,

That froze my cute face,

And all of my body below.

THE SNAKE IN THE TOILET

In Sam’s toilet there was a rattlesnake,
He thought it crawled up from his septic tank,
While his wife was baking a birthday cake,
Poor Sam just stood there completely blank,

“Come here honey,” Sam called to his wife,
“Come here and help me out”,
Poor old Sam was in fear for his life,
He was too afraid to just shout,

Sam’s wife came into the bathroom at last,
She told Sam he had to get loose,
But, poor Sam turned around way to fast,
And, the snake bit him on the caboose,

Sam’s wife was a widow fair,
She even kept the snake and tank,
The snake and widow made quite the pair,
With Sam’s life insurance in the bank.

UNDER THE YIM YONG TREE

Under the yim yong tree I and my dear love matted some grass,

That's where we did picnic and drank from a thermos lined with glass,

And the yim yong fruits,

Made a day full of hoots,

And an evening of toots,

Then after our pipes burned off most of the gas,

We got tired and into dreams we did pass.

MY DIRTY LITTLE SPACESHIP

It's really dirty in outer space,

And with microgravity I have one cluttered place,

Everything floats in the air,

I need some home cleaning care,

And the worst crap ends up in my face,

I WENT TO THE GYM NOW, MY BOD IS SO TRIM

I decided to workout at the gym,

I got covid and the outlook was grim,

I soon died from those germs,

Became food for the worms,

It's what happens when your brain light is dim.

THE WINDCHILL, WINDCHILL GO AWAY LIMERICK

Windchill, windchill go away,

Or, I will freeze my face today,

I must shovel snow,

Or, I cannot go,

Ice fishing out on the bay.

A BIG HEAVY FELLOW NAMED CY

There was this big heavy fellow named Cy,
He was a pizza delivery guy,
When he'd wiggle his hips,
He'd get much bigger tips,
But no one could understand why?

Cy delivered pizza all night long,
To each customer he'd sing a song,
Everyone knew his mind was wrong,
He was only good at playing pong.

I WENT TO VOTE IN A PRIMARY

I went to vote in a primary,
And found my choices were binary,
Either a one or a zero,
No choice for a hero,
I should have wasted my time at a winery.

WEREWOLF POEM

The dirt, the forest, the night is my friend,
I am the hunter, that’s what I’ll be in the end,
My eyes are pagan jewels,
My ears are predators feet,
My nose and teeth make rules,
It’s not revenge, you're  just something to eat.

Apap Snojh. Pizza

Their pizza chews like boogers,☝

Their soda runs like snot,👃

And the box the pizza comes in,🍕

Smells like a toilet pot.💩

It seems the topping on the pizza,🍕

Is anything that's full on rot,👟

That's why customers who eat the pizza,🙊

Have an awkward bathroom trot.🚽

CHICKEN WIRE IS THE THING

Chicken wire is the thing,

To guard my tulips in the spring,

The rabbit will bite,

But, if the wire is tight,

He'll just bite wire if anything.

THE PLANET WHERE WE EAT ONLY FRIES

I came from a planet where we only eat fries,
The fries come from potatoes and sometimes meat-pies,
One time we tried kale,
But, it made most of us ail,
And, led many to give departing goodbyes. 

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MY COMPUTER IS GIVING ME GRIEF

My computer is giving me grief,

I hope it's just a temporary beef,

But when it's files become bound,

It is nasty all around,

So I gave it constipation pills for relief.

THE SEA MONSTER AT THE BEACH

I went to the beach to gather some sun,

And, there was a sea monster that made everyone run,

But, I was not afraid,

Of the sea monster raid,

For the monster was there for some fun.

PAPER PIGS AND BOURBON CHEER ME UP

I drew and cutout some little paper pigs,
I pasted them on the walls all around my digs,
Now, when things look real dire,
My pigs I admire,
After tapping a bourbon bottle for swigs.