TOTSIE TERMITE AND TICKER TAPE

Tootsie Termite took ticker tape,
Tickered tourist Tommy Thape,
The ticker tumbled,
Tommy trumbled,
Toward Tootsie's teacher Terri Twape.

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I DREAMT I HAD BIG TURKEY FEET

I dreamt I had big turkey feet,
And a drumstick for a leg,
I dreamt I had two turkey wings,
And I yearned to lay an egg,

I dreamt I was sitting in a tree,
With a thick branch for my couch,
I dreamt that I was shot dead in my tree,
And, my final thought was ouch!

I dreamt I was floating right above,
A dinner table set in honor of me,
And there my dead corpse was layed out with love,
Well centered so all could see,

Then, my dream came to an abrupt end,
As the diners devoured my meat,
And I woke up back at my hunting camp,
But I still had big turkey feet.

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RANDY AND HIS TRIKE

Randy went riding on his big wheeled trike,
He rode a big wheel since he was a tike,
At age forty he'd say,
A trike was his way,
Since he fell on his face off his bike.

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A WALK IN THE WOODS TAKES LIFE IN A NEW DIRECTION

I thought my walk in the woods would be very lame,
Then, along came a panther and he was not tame,
It was time for his dinner,
And, I'm never a winner,
So, ended my search for both fortune and fame.

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RANDY'S RURAL LIFESTYLE LIMERICK

Randy lived way out in the sticks,
He was covered with all kinds of ticks,
He itched and he scratched,
Till, his skin was detached,
He glued it back on with wax melted by wicks.

P08122022

DOOMED BY A DEB WITH A WEB

I saw a spider-web when I looked outside,
It was in my window, over half as wide,
I found in the web,
A black-widow named Deb,
She bit me and that's how I died.

PP08012023

THE HUNTING TIGER IN THE SNOW

My Tiger is a kitty cat,
But, that he does not know,
He thinks he is a hunting beast,
So, I let him go out hunting  in the snow,

Alas, Tiger did not do so well,
Out hunting in the snow,
He ended up back at my front door,
Inside he wanted to go,

I let indoors my shivering pet,
He ran to his bowl, a well filled dish,
After that he took a nap,
My hunting Tiger full of tuna fish.

PP04172023

WADING FOR DINNER: A FISHERMAN'S STORY

I went fishing, wading out in the dark,
I was hungry and my kitchen was stark,
I had my red worms and beer,
And, the beer gave me such cheer,
 Until, I stepped on a hammerhead shark.

HOW TO MAKE A CAMPFIRE LIMERICK

I chipped some flint to make some fire,

I made a few sparks, but my arms started to tire,

So, I took out a match,

Struck a flame that would catch,

I chose the easy way, and left the hard way to admire.

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THE DEER ATE MY WINTER TRIP TO BARBADOS

I was planning on using my cash earned from potatoes,
To fund my winter trip to Barbados,
Of course my potatoes this year,
Have been ate by the deer,
And, my arthritis  won't let me pick tomatoes.

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BENNY BUILT A TIME MACHINE

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Benny built a time machine,

But, he benefited not,

For when he went back to change the past,

The future he forgot.
 

GRANDMA'S PORCELAIN RABBIT

My porcelain rabbit went to the floor,
It scattered pieces from the TV to the door,
The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase,
But, I think I'll not replace,
I'll use the money to buy a pizza, ...toppings four.

SQUISHY RHUBARB PIE

My rhubarb pie came out real squishy,

Cousin Tim, wouldn't eat it, nor would cousin Trishy,

Uncle Bob ate it, and got really sick,

As did dad and mom and grandma Vick,

May they get well is my holiday wishy.

   

THURMOND'S TELESCOPE IS FOR THE BIRDS

Thurmond's telescope made the news one day,

When Thurmond saw spacecrafts heading our way,

After networks broadcast his words,

The spacecrafts turned out to be birds,

There was a crow, a dove and blue jay.

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TREE

                              LCB

I eat my crumpets, sip my tea,

From my kitchen, I can see,

I have a beautiful pine tree,

It's free spirit makes me feel free,

I'll make a swing, then I'll go "Wee!"😁

THE CHRISTMAS THREE

Jessie was told to setup a Christmas tree,"

But, earwax caused Jessie to hear "Christmas Three,"

Jessie worked day and night,

To make his three look just right,

It looked so nice everyone just let it be.

CHRISTMAS TREES OUTSIDE

I like to decorate Christmas trees outside in the snow,

And, watch the colored bulbs in the sunshine glow,

But, watch out for the deer,

Because it is clear,

On your trees their chompers will mow.

THERE WAS NO SNOW FOR CHRISTMAS

There was no snow for Christmas,

Nor, snow for New Year's as well,

And, living in Northern Michigan,

It's been a type of snow-less hell,

There's no snow on the ski slope,

Nor, on the toboggan run,

There's no snow on the snowmobile trail,

In winter, no snow equals no fun,

Of course you can go ice skating,

And, fall and crack your bones,

You can also go ice fishing,

And, get frostbite on your scones,

But, a snow fortress you cannot build,

Nor, a snowman can you roll,

You can't track animals you've shot and killed,

Nor, make snow angels with arms and soul,

You see a winter that has no snow,

Is like a car that has no gas,

It's like Santa's lost his "Ho, Ho,"

When Old Man Winter takes a pass.

MY CHEERFUL HELLO LIMERICK

I say a cheerful hello ten times everyday,

But, the reactions leave me in a state of dismay,

Words and hand gestures I can't say,

An occasional backside display,

I guess being cheerful is a job with no pay.

 

MY PICCOLO VS A TRUMPET CARILLON

A trumpet carillon played all through the night,
They kept me awake which started a fight,
But their brass horns hit true,
Making me all black and blue,
And, up my nose my piccolo fit real tight.