POLES FOR SECURE, HEALTHY PIGS

If I had enough poles I could pen up my pigs,

They could not wander off if I built secure digs,

And, pigs grow better rib,

In a safe secure crib,

Besides, pigs are healthier if they can't get to cigs.

IN CAME THE WATER AND DOWN WENT THE FLOOR

I bought a trailer between a river and a lake,

The property flooded and I had water intake,

Finally, the water left out the door,

But, caved in went the floor,

Methinks my property buy a mistake.

,

LITTLE WIGGINS THE PIG PART II

Little Wiggins was a pig,
Little Wiggins liked to dig,
He tried digging through a concrete floor,
Now Little Wiggins digs no more,
He wore down his hooves now he is soar,
Little Wiggins is a real dumb boar.

I WONDER ABOUT FISH

I wonder what the fish are thinking?

And, because fish are in water are they always drinking?

I wonder if they speculate about the nature of land,

Or, have tried watching cable using "On Demand."

I wonder if fish can perceive that they're sinking?
Or, do their eyeballs get dirty because, they're never blinking?

GRANDPA'S DIRT FARM

A dirt farm, some pigs and a still,
Grandpa's old farmhouse on the hill,
Although the old man was poor,
He'd work till he was sore,
Then on his whisky and ham he would fill.

THE DAN WHO FARTED

My name is Dan,

Because I'm a man,

I eat beans from a can,

And eggs from a pan,

From the house, I got a ban.

SQUASH BLOSSOM DINNER

I fried me some squash blossoms in my old frying pan,

Then I fried me some baked beans, I cut out of a can,

Although it all smelled like carpet-feet,

It was a real tasty treat,

Then I rested by my big, old box fan.

THERE ONCE WAS A PEASANT

There once was a peasant named Bill,
Finding pennies gave him a thrill,
He once found a dime,
But, it was only one time,
Finding pennies was his only skill.

Can I Vote?

I wonder if I still can vote?

I never learned to read nor wrote,

My address is a giant tote,

Out on the bay is where I float,

I eat goat cheese from my own goat,

I don't wear cloths under my coat,

Can't sing a song, not one dang note,

If I had a sail I'd have a boat,

I wonder if I still can vote?

BRENDA DINES ALONE

Brenda would serve all types of hard cheese,

Along with some cornbread and homemade herb teas,

Though she dined all alone,

With her stuffed cat named, Malone,

She was happy, well balanced, at ease.

 

ANOTHER STUPID LIMERERICK ABOUT LIMERICKS

A limerick pie is nothing more,
Than stringing words together for,
A little fun,
Maybe a pun,
Or, some wisdom at the core.

GORDO THE DRAGON SLAYER PART II

Gordo bragged he was a dragon slayer,
But, no knight considered him a real player,
When a dragon came around,
Gordo was not to be found,
He ran out of town on any conveyor.

GORDO THE DRAGON SLAYER PART I

Gordo the Dragon Slayer was kind of a runt,
He charged a big dragon but it was a stunt,
The dragon breathed fire,
It made Gordo retire,
The bad burns made poor Gordo grunt.

CARRIE CHEATS AT CHECKERS

Carrie likes to cheat at checkers,
Making false kings via double-deckers,
If you turn away for a time,
She'll add crowns down the line,
For she's the queen of fair game wreckers.

 

A WALK BEFORE SUP

I went for a walk with my dog, Sally,

She took a leak and filled up the valley,

Women and children all cried,

The crocodiles died,

We suped at a brew pub, called Galley.

MY DOG SALLY, DIGS

I went to the park to walk my dog, Sally,

She was excited, and dug a park valley,

I got beat and arrested,

My sanity tested,

Now I live with my dog in an ally.

ODE TO THE QUIET PETS

I wanted very quiet pets upon which I could opine,

So I bought a bowl and those shrimp that are supposed to live in brine, 

Now on the register I set the bowl,

And, had a unanimous shrimp death toll,

Of course I wouldn't have let them boil away if the shrimp could only whine. 

 

THE CHOCOLATE FROSTING ON GRAHAM CRACKERS LIMERICK

I bought some graham crackers to take on a retreat,
I covered them with chocolate frosting; the crackers were ready to eat,
Now, someone brought along their big dog,
He seemed behaved on the long jog,
But, he ate all the crackers while lounging in the back seat.

DAVEY COLLECTED SILVER COINS

Davey collected silver coins minted in the United States,
He had every type of coin and all the coin type dates,
Davey was cleaver and bold,
When the prices were high Davey sold,
Now Davey doesn’t have to work he just skates.

VOTE OFTEN BUT, DON'T TELL

This morning I voted 10 times,

I was informed, 9 of those 10 times were crimes,

I promised, I learned my lesson,

So, I'll stop confessin',

In my stories and limericks and rhymes.