PAM SAW A PIZZA FACE DOWN IN THE STREET-Limerick

Pam saw a pizza face down in the street,
She figured the Pizza was still good to eat,
She didn't mind the bugs,
Or, slimy old slugs,
She got so sick she couldn't stand on her feet.

PICKERS FOUND THE LEPRECHAUN'S GOLD

The poor little Leprechaun was feeling real bad,
For he lost all of his gold and that was so sad,
Then, while watching the antique show Pickers,
He soiled his knickers,
For his gold was the best pick that they had.

 
 
The poor antique show pickers are feeling real bad,
They found the Leprechaun's gold and he got real mad,
They got a pain-in-the-back curse,
And, what was even much worse,
The gold was not solid just clad. 

 

CHEERS TO GRANDMA FLOSSIE HELEN MURPHY ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY

They came in ships from across the sea,
They joined into my family tree,
From County Cork on the Irish Isle,
They brought to America their Irish style,

And, every year I raise a glass,
To the Irish ghosts of kin I pass,
So, to Grandma Murphy I say cheers,
And, God willing I will for many years.

I GOT KICKED OUT OF MARCHING BAND

Because my trumpet made an awful tone,

I was forced to play the sousaphone,

Because I ate too much starch,

My body wouldn't march, 

Now I sit in the bleachers alone.

THE IDES OF MARCH: A TIME TO FEAR

The Ides Of March is a time to fear,
The warming weather skunks my beer,
The softening of the swampy land,
Prepares great traps of quickened sand,

I do not embrace the Ides as dear,
They come each month year after year,
And, on the Ides I am a sleeper,
Thus, I avoid dear Caesar's reaper.

WHAT TO DO ON THE IDES

What to to in March on the Ides?

Unlike Caesar, one runs and one hides,

But, some on this date,

Drink up and celebrate,

That is, if you're lucky at picking best sides.

HILDA BAKED A PIN CHERRY PIE

Hilda baked a pin cherry pie,
She forgot sugar and the tartness makes me cry,
And, if I eat more than one piece,
I fear I'll give up life's lease,
When, my face puckers so tight that I die.

10 AND/OR 8 AVENGED CASESAR

Caesar had a really bad day

He was a war hero but became a fillet,

For the Cleopatra affair,

Gave the Roman Senate a scare,

But, Augustus made the assassins all pay.

THE RETURN OF THE ROBIN RED BREAST

From the south the robin red-breasted came flying,

I was quite tempted and imagined him frying,

Alas, the better angels in me,

Said, "let the red-breasted be free,"

I was appalled, watching the little worms dying.

MOMMA AND I EAT PIE AND THE KIDS EAT BEANS

I feed my family pineapple with pork and beans,

It feeds the little ones through the teens,

But, momma and I,

We eat fruit pie,

So, we're a couple of fats while the kids are all leans.

031321

HOW'S DONNY DOING NOW?

Donny went swimming and got covered with scabs,

Then be foamed at the mouth because he also had rabs,

So, Donny was shoved in the car,

Driven to the ER,

And, was quarantined because of the crabs.

ANGELS HARKING

The dog next door is always barking,

The lark in the tree is always larking,

My parking brakes stay lit after parking,

My leaky marker is always marking,

Those harking angels won't stop harking,

All this sends my brain cells arching.

PHYLLIS HAD A PURPLE PONEY

My wife Phyllis had a purple pony,
It ate and ate all day,
It gave affections that were phony,
When She gave a cooing bray,

I did not like the purple pony,
I did not like her at all,
It ate well while we ate baloney,
And, it kicked down our best stall,

It cost so much to keep the purple pony beast,
We had no money on which to live,
We lived with famine while the monster had feast,
There was no more that I could give,

So, we mortgaged up the farm,
And, spent every cent we could earn,
Just to feed that awful pony,
She ate like we had money to burn,

Finally, I had had enough,
And left my wife and her purple mare,
I had lost my farm and all my stuff,
And, that purple pony did not care.

FREE TEA WARNING

John liked to turn plants in his yard into tea,

Unfortunately, one plant was poison ivy,

John's eyeballs swelled tight,

His skin was all blight,

His core temperature reached one hundred and three.

MY SNOWMAN GOT BURNT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP

I know it's kind of a terrible thing,

But, I burnt my snowman on the first day of spring,

Our relationship is over,

Until, November or October,

I did recover our friendship gold bling. 

MY WARDROBE WAS A ROYAL CRIME

Wearing royal colors got me into court,

I was told my body would soon be a head short,

I got down on my knees,

But, despite all my pleas,

My head became a kicking ball sport.

MY INTERVIEW WITH A PRINCE

I wanted to interview a queen,

But, she said my rag mag was too mean,

But, a prince gave me time

And, confessed to a crime,

That I couldn't repeat without being obscene.

THE LION EATS TONIGHT

The lion eats tonight,

Because the path in the jungle was tight,

I got caught between trees,

Which gave the lion jollies, 

He laughed as he took his first bite.

Beware Michigan Winters

Michigan winters can't be taken with ease,

If you decide for a nap, you've decided to freeze

When winds blow down from aloft,

Internal organs won't stay soft,

And, there's no escape with arthritic knees.

MY LITTLE DOG LEE

I had a feisty Pomeranian named Little Dog Lee,

He would bite down on my pant cuffs and not let them be,

But, when I offered him bacon,

His real desire would awaken,

After that he'd let my pant cuffs hang free.