DONNY'S BAKING WAS SO BAD

Donny's Christmas cookies tasted like a toilet that would not flush,

Donny said that all complainers should just shut their traps and hush,

Donny made a Christmas cake,

That made all bellies really ache,

Donny said his bad baking was because he had to rush.

THE FURNACE

My furnace does not keep me warm,
It dies when there is a snow storm,
It's not so fun,
When your heater don't run,
And, on your nose the icicles form.

OPEN BEDROOM WINDOW IN WINTER

My bedroom window was left open all day,

The winter snows poured inward that way,

So, with two feet of snow,

My bedroom was no place to go,

The couch near the fireplace was a nice stay.

ALIENS RE-FABRICATED MY BRAINS

There was a pair of alien probes,

They attached themselves to my earlobes

Then, they re-fabricated my brain,

Leaving me legally insane,

While they hung as just plain silver globes.

DONNY SEEKS JOY BY EVIL DEEDS

Donny wanted all the toys,

So, he bullied all the girls and boys,

And, if a kid said no deal,

Donny simply would steal

Evil deeds were Donny's great joys.

DONNY DAZE

Donny loved to gather money,

It was the only way he could find a honey,

For, he had no hair,

Bad underwear,

And, down his leg dripped something runny.

DONNY AND HIS COUNTERFEIT DREAM

While counterfeiting or, dollar making,

Donny dreamed of trips he thought worth taking,

And, the cars and mansions he'd buy,

With his dollars that lie,

But, when the cops came Donny was shaking.

WHEN I EAT PERCH AND THEN SLEEP

Every time I eat fried perch and then sleep,

I dream I'm swimming in out waters, in the way dark and deep,

I'm chased by walleye while, tiny fry are my meat,

I make quick choices to survive and maybe to eat,

And, all around I sense monsters: in the darkness they creep.  

MY JERKY CHRISTMAS DINNER

My little pet bear ate my Christmas ham, without shame,

I left the smokehouse door open so, I guess I'm to blame,

Now, Christmas dinner will feature jerky,

Made from leftover Thanksgiving turkey,

And, the last time I served jerky nobody came,    

UNDER THE FULL BEAVER MOON

Under the full Beaver Moon,

I marched with a pipes played tune,

The county took me away,

For a very long stay,

I was labeled a bird, a loon.

SANTA HAS BAD HABBITS

Santa ate too many herbal cookies,

Santa drank too much ice beer,

Santa went to jail, 

That's why Santa isn't here.

Santa has some reindeer,

Santa feeds his reindeer grass,

All day they just play video games,

While sitting on their mass.

I BOUGHT A BUDA ON FRIDAY TO BRING ME SOME LUCK

There were great deals on Black Friday but, I had no funds to pay,

I had not been working since, the third week of May,

I broke open my penny jar,

Found four dimes in the car,

I could then buy a small Buda made out of red clay.

THE SILENT MOVIE MOGUL

Wilbur Royce Rice,

Was the movie Mogul of his time,

He began his career in film,

With a camera and a dime,

A silent world Rice screened,

Of great empires now dust,

The Egyptians, the Romans,

The Greek gods with a bust,

He dabbled in baubles,

Invested in dreams,

Created film stories,

With heart-string pulling themes,

A film studio he built,

He was a "genius" they declared,

The awards kept coming,

And, a great fortune he fared,

Then, silent movies,

All went away,

But, Wilbur Royce Rice,

Had an ankle of clay,

He was stubborn all knew,

And, he couldn't change with the bunch,

So, the new era in film,

Took poor Wilbur out with one punch,

Alas, the bauble market blew up,

The dream investments, just schemes,

 And, all the filmed stories,

Went rot like paper reams,

Wilbur was broke without his camera or dime,

He could have come back if he wasn't old and had time,

And, the pictures changed more, from the old black and white,

To movies with color that Wilbur disparaged as blight,

So, what gain a man with great talent without range?

Just the title of has-been and epitaph "Would Not Change," 

A DUNG BEETLE NAMED BARB

There was a dung beetle named Barb,
Her diet was really high carb,
She did not feel well,
She burst through her shell,
For dress she must find some new garb.

Barb was a dung beetle that ate all day,
She chowed down cow dung mixed with some clay,
She ran out in the sun,
Then, stopped and couldn't run,
Barb baked into a statue that day.

DONNY WAITS TO GO: A TIME TRAVELING TALE

Donny liked to time travel back to an autocratic nation,

And, often when Donny time traveled, he'd suffer constipation,

Donny went to 50's North Korea,

There he suffered diarrhea,

Donny waits to escape to Russia with anticipation.

MY TRACTOR MADE A RINK AND THEN TOOK A DEEP SINK

I drove my tractor out on the lake to snow blow some ice,

I thought an ice rink for the kids would be really nice,

I watched my rink grow with the blow, 

Until, the ice gave way and down I go,

So, my tractor paid the ultimate price  

Turkey Day Dinner With A Surprise

For Turkey Day I ate canned pig,

With a bottle of port and a menthol cig,

And, the big surprise,

I found some old French fries,

They were in the coach and I had to dig.

I CARVED THE TURKEY

Because of Covid  I could not turkey shop via, a roam,😷

So, I carved my Thanksgiving beast from Dow Styrofoam,🦃

It did not bake but, caught fire,🔥

Burned like a rubber tire,💥♨

Now, I've no turkey, no dinner no home.🏚

PRUNE JUICE AND THE TURKEY BALLOON

I was to serve a non-meat turkey at Thanksgiving noon,

But, the turkey I baked was a turkey balloon,

Well, that's in the past,

So, after the blast,

We all got loose with some juice made with prune.

TURKEY IN A TREE

Turkey, turkey way up in the tall tree,

Please come down; be dinner for me,

I'll invite over friends,

We'll eat your odds and ends,

I'll stuff your butt with breading; you'll taste real good, you'll see.