A SERIOUSLY STUPID RHYME

One little bug flew up my nose,

He ate into my brain I guess, I suppose,

Another little but entered my eye,

He got stuck in my eyeball and then he couldn't fly,

Then a pair of squirrels came down from a tree,

Why they circled the ground was a mystery,

Then they gathered some cigarette butts,

They took the butts home to smoke their walnuts,

DAVID AND THE TALKING TOE DIMPLE

David had dimple on his little bitty toe,
And that dimple deepened as his toe began to grow,
Then that dimple started to really talk,
Which gave David pause to walk,
For each step the dimple shouted "Ouch! Ouch! WOE!!!"

I AM A LITTLE BLOGGER LIVING ON THE MOON

I am a little blogger living on the moon,
I like munching on potato chips, then go sleep all afternoon,
I like to blog about that and this,
I brag about the ones I kiss,
And rate SCFI movies like Trek and Dune.

COMFORT FOOD EXAMPLES

It matters not if you're a dudess or dude,

We all desire our comfort food,

It could be ice cream and cake,

Or beans that you bake,

Or pasta that changes the mood.

THE ITSY BITSY SONG REVISED

An itsy bitsy glider flew up my brother's snout,

He blew his nose real hard but, the glider wouldn't come out,

My brother then snorted up some pepper and blew out the glider and half his brains,

Then, the itzy, bitzy glider flew up his snout again. 

THE SQUAT TROT

In a tent on an abandoned lot,

I found me a place to squat,

I thought the living would be free,

But it weren't meant to be,

The owners chased me off; made me trot.

I LOST MY GIGABYTES

With final exams coming I had straight A's in my sight's,
Then my brain suddenly lost all of it's gigabytes,
Was it the brownies or, maybe the iced tea?
No, I think it was the vodka that was no good for me,

So what if I flunk out of college and have to stay home,
From what better base can I romp and I roam,
Dad is always out working and mom's watching the little kids,
No one to pay attention to my does and my dids.

I USE TO LIKE TO WASH WITH SOAP

I use to really love to wash with soap,
Then I'd break out and feel like a dope,
There were more than just dimples,
There were millions of pimples,
I still don't know how that I should cope.

TEN LITTLE MINNOWS: THE NOSE POEM

Ten little minnows nibbled on my toes,

I thought nothing of it until their number rose,

When I went to swim to shore,

There were a million minnows more,

All that made it to the shoreline was my nose.

TO SIT IN THE WRONG PLACE LIMERICK

I laid down two pillows to sit on the floor,
Unfortunately, I sat way too close to the door,
The door slammed into my back,
And my spine went crack, crack,
Now I can’t lie down because my back is so soar.

TILT CAMPING, HURRAY

"Tilt Camping", is camping on the steep side of a hill,

The tilt in that world gives us vet campers a thrill,

There is common wash outs from rain,

And rolling downhill logs causing pain,

There are many ways nature hunts for a kill.

THE SWEATY SALMON SAGA

There once was a big red salmon named Strange Betty,
She was the only fish whose under-fins got sweaty,
She tried underarm cream,
Before swimming upstream,
But, she was smelled-out and ate by a Yettie.
 

BAD DAY AT THE BEACH POEM

First a turtle bit my toe, 
And the pain filled me with woe, 
Then a rattle snake bit my shin,
And he pumped some poison in,
A large shark bit my thigh, 
And the pain made me cry, 
Then bird droppings fell on my head,
That’s what sent me home to bed.

AN EXERCISE THAT MADE ME UNFIT

I was fit as a fiddle until I ran down the street,

I thought I'd get a run in before I went to eat,

But, I tripped over my feet,   

And, by the pavement got beat,

Now, I drink through a straw; what a treat!

ROOFTOP TOAD HAIKU

 Rooftop toad,

Hot sun, hot tar, Oh!

Stuck warts and all but, nice view.

 

CANNED FROM THE BAND

I was marching down the road in a band,

When the wind blew and I was covered with sand,

It plugged the hole in my trombone,

Which gave me a crazy tone,

Hence, the band director said I was canned.

THE BALLAD OF DAN DE VILLE

There was a grasshopper named Dan De Ville,
He would hop from hill to hill,
He gave all the girls quite the thrill,
When he'd preen himself on a window sill,

Dan De Ville was quite vain,
To the point he was insane,
He jumped in front of a train,
They say he never felt a pain.

THE PROMISE I COULD NOT KEEP

I googled and googled and googled one day,
To find my best bud in high school,
Old lizard lips Clay,
I found him not in a very good way,

Old lizard lips was buried two miles from town,
I got in my rust bucket to go visit the clown,
I found the spot where he took his dirt nap,
With respect I pulled off my Detroit Red Wings cap,

I brought Old Clay a six pack of beer,
Just to let him know his old buddy was here,
I was glad that an old shade tree was very near,
So, I sat down for a while and shed one great big tear,

We conversed for a while,
Clay didn’t talk too much,
Before Leaving I promised,
That I’d keep in touch,

That was the last time I visited my high school bud Clay,
I haven’t been back there to visit to this very day,
For I had a bad accident on my way back to town,
They buried me ten miles from that lizard lipped clown.

TIM AND MIKE PLAYED LAWN JARTS OUTSIDE

Tim and Mike played lawn jarts outside,
Hitting the target gave a great since of pride,
But neither was a stranger,
For lawn jarts are a danger,
Still, poor Mike got stuck in the side.

MY WHISKERS AND THE FLUTE TOOT

I got all dressed up in my finest suit,

I played all night on my piccolo flute,

Then it got very scary,

Because my face was so hairy,

My whiskers flopped flat my last toot.