RABIES, RED ROIDS AND LIP BOILS

I set up a shop that sold only snake oils,

I claimed they cured rabies, red roids and, lip boils,

But, the authorities, they care,

Said, "there's no real science there,"

So, in the state prison laundry I toils.

LITTLE NORM ROGGAN RODE HIS TOBOGGAN

Little Norm Roggan,
Rode his toboggan,
Down the hill,
With limited skill,
And, hit poor Mr. Quill on the noggin.

DONNY BUILT A SNOW FORT TO KEEP AWAY THE FEDS

Donny built a snow fort on his golf course,

Where'd he get funds, some say Russia was the source,

Donny was fearing all the Feds,

And, years in prison beds,

Donny wasted his voice lying so, by his trial he was horse.

THE WEATHERING CHICKENS

The chickens will weather any storm,

They do so because that is their norm,

The hens stay together,

Holding on feather to feather,

While rosters are in another dorm.

TWO WOLVERINES WALKED INTO A BAR

Two wolverines walked into a hunter's bar,

They were looking for meat to vacuum pack in a jar,

Although, the hunters were many,

The wolverines didn't take any,

Saying the hunters smelled like old socks and cigar.

FLIPPER THE PIG

THE CULTURAL PIG

Flipper the pig was an odd sort of swine,

He never drank spirits except for French wine,

He listened to Bach,

And easy-listening rock,

While, he complained of pig culture decline.

 

UNREQUITED LOVE RESOLVED

Unrequited love is a real positive,

You'll find you're unloved and you still have to live,

But, there will come a day,

When, someone can't turn away,

For a pet goldfish has much love to give.

MY GARDEN IN THE MAIL

I got some seed that came in the mail, 

Now, I can grow me some peppers and kale,

I'll grow onions and toes,

Pickles and poes,

All with fert that comes from the tail.

MY BEST DATE LIMERICK

I like going to restaurants and dining alone,
That sets up the evening for a positive tone,
I spend half the money,
I think my jokes are all funny,
And don't waste time the next day on the phone.

I FOUND ME NO ICE

I went out ice fishing but, found me no ice,

I had a brisk swim and, I guess that was nice,

I dove deep for my gear,

I guess it's all here,

Next time I ice fish I'll think twice.

SCHNAPPS: BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

Having a glass of schnapps for breakfast is a bad idea,

All it does is muddle the brain and gives one diarrhea,

But, how to stand everyday,

When gloom and doom be they,

And, the only friend I have at home is my pet named Chia.

DINNER FROM A BOTTLE

I picked up some bottles to get something to eat,

I was hoping to get maybe some meat for a treat,

But, I didn't get much coin,

Settled for animal groin,

Next time, I hope to afford the feet.

THE END OF ALL THINGS

I see a little bird fluttering it's wings,

It lands upon a branch and then, it sings and sings,

Happy is the bird this day,

Unknown, it's future that's on the way,

Unseen, the hawk that nears and nears, will bring the end to things.

RAINBOW OVER THE GARDEN SHED

Just outback of the old homestead,                 

A rainbow flew over my garden shed,

It didn't last long,

But, I wrote it a song,

That rattles round and round in my head.

NO ROOM FOR THE POOL TABLE

I put a pool table in my bedroom but, it did not fit,

I moved the pool table to the bathroom but, then no one could sit,

My pool table didn't fit the den,

So, I had to move it once again,

I called the local haulers now, it's in the garbage pit.

A GARDEN WEED IN A SNOW STORM

On my poor little trailer it snowed and it snowed,
Until the roof caved in and the walls outward bowed,
Of course, the lights went out,
Rescue was really in doubt,
So, like a garden weed I knew I was hoed.

THE BACK TO SCHOOL LIMERICK

Back to school is always rough,

It sounds easy on paper but, that's just fluff,

Buying cloths, kits and shoes,

Texting for wardrobe reviews,

By day one you've had enough.

TAXES AND GRIEVING

I paid in lots of income taxes but, none of it I will retrieve,

I hoped that maybe this time I would get a just reprieve,

But, instead I'll have to pay,

Or, all my stuff they'll take away,

And, if all my stuff they take away, in that future I will grieve.

THE ODD SCHOOL EDUCATION

I went to the odd school,

No desk or chair, we had a stool,

We never learned about sums,

Were taught reading was for bums,

The kids did nothing but, picked nose and drool.

REQUIEM FOR THE ORANGE

There once was a big old, orange critter,

He lost all his friends and became bitter,

He got thrown out of his house

With his kids and his spouse,

And, had his privileges cancelled by Twitter.