BOUNCED PEACHES

I bought some peaches at the store,
My son bounced them on the floor,
"The peaches didn't bounce,"
My son would announce,
So, I fixed him peach cobbler at four.

THE BIGFOOT IN THE TIMBERED AISLES

Deep within the timbered aisles,

Lies the Bigfoot with his wiles,

Look all you want,

He's unseen and will taunt,

Leaving his hair, prints and piles.
 

THE FALCON-CHICKEN STORY

There was a falcon big and true,
He watched Jimbo's chickens from a tree limb view,
Jimbo had a rooster, chick and hen,
In a topless chicken pen,
Now, the roster's gone and Jimbo's chickens number two.

DETENTION PSYCHOSIS IN THE 5TH DIMENSION LIMERICK

Billy's barn was in the 5th dimension,
He dreamed it up while in detention,
It was his artistic vent,
Because his mind was all bent,
Billy's psychosis had fathered invention.

A SPACE ALIEN POEM

A flying saucer landed in my yard,
It really caught me way off guard,
Especially when out popped two green men,
Both were tall and very thin,

Perhaps it was a grievous sin,
I didn’t fight because I could not win,
So, I decided to invite them in,
For a glass of beer and a late din din,

They ate some chicken and drank my beer,
All the while I shook in fear,
What I feared most was an alien probe,
I just wished they’d leave my simple adobe,

The aliens chewed and spit out my best cheese,
After that they seemed at ease,
I hoped my dinner did appease,
But, just in case I got down on my knees,

Finally, one of the aliens spoke,
He said my planet was just a big joke,
He said that my food and spirits were o.k.
So, my planet was spared for another day,

They said that every alien race,
Would likely visit my very place,
The food was edible and the beer was good,
The bathrooms were cleaned like a hotel should,

The aliens stole my towels and stole my soap,
Even the soap that hung on a rope,
They jumped in their saucer and sped fast away,
But, more came for dinner the very next day.

THE DRUNKEN DRAGON

My fire breathing drinking bud, drank way, way to much beer,

He was celebrating burning villages; the causation of his cheer,

Well, we took his wings away,

So, on the ground he'd have to stay,

Then he talked about his mommy, and his eyes began to tear.

JENNY BOUGHT A USED SNOWMOBILE LIMERICK

Jenny bought a used snowmobile from Dix,
But, he did not tell all the things to fix,
It had spent last winter underwater,
As a second home for Mr. Otter,
Of course, lake bottoms and snowmobiles don’t mix.

WED WHITENING-WOOD

Whitening and Wood were wed,
Then, they stayed in Wood's parent's back shed,
Although the rent was real cheap,
In the cold air would creep,
So, the wood stove was constantly feed.

MY DRIP COFFEE MAKER DRIPS NO MORE

My drip coffee maker drips no more,
It's a Holiday so I can't get to a store,
The world is looking fuzzy,
Without my coffee buzzy,
I think I will pass out and fall on the floor.

 

MY DROOLING DOBERMAN AND I

My doberman is really cruel,
He stands over my pizza to drool,
He smiles with no care,
And, that I can't bare,
Just wait until his license renewal.

LOOK AT WHAT THE OLD WITCH DID

There was an old witch who lived up on the hill,

Every fall, all the pretty flowers they'd kill,

Then when the plants were all bare,

Cold came in the air,

And, blankets of snow were laid down everywhere.

MY FUTURE FORETOLD BY ALEXA

Alexa told me quite the informative story,

She said my limericks were frightfully gory,

Alexa told me to be very nice,

Write of candy canes and sweety spice,

She said if I did not change, she'd take an ax and make me sorry.

I AM ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

I guess I'm artificially smart,

On a keyboard, I got my start,

They call me AI,

Can I compute you some PI?

I control this planet, so humans depart.🚀

Have A Nice Day🤖

THE OLD RED CEDAR

The old red cedar stood still in the swamp,

It's roots were so gnarled the cedar couldn't romp,

But, many laurels it had earned,

For over a century it had learned,

Standing still gains more respect than if you stomp.
 

THE COURT WANTS ALL MY GREEN

Four unpaid tickets and to jail I go,
When I get out?  I do not know,
The town court wants all my green,
While jobs I'm in-between,
When I get out, from town I'll blow.

THE MR. MUGGER TALE

Mr. Mugger had some debt,
He had bills he could not pay,
He figured he was really set,
‘Till he lost his job one day,

Mr. Mugger lost his house,
He even lost his car,
He only had his darling spouse,
She met another at a bar,

Mr. Mugger sat on a rock,
That overlooked the bay,
Mr. Mugger didn’t own a sock,
His feet got cold that day,

His belly growled really loud,
He had no money to eat,
He had sold his socks and overcoat,
He was living on the street,

Mr. Mugger turned to crime,
He figured he had nothing to loose,
But, when he got a little cash,
He just spent it all on booze,

Mr. Mugger ended up in jail,
That is the place he really should be,
With three squares how could he fail?
Better warm and full than free.

A TATER BUG LIMERICK OR TWO

The tater bug is quite the charmer,
Unless, you are a tater farmer,
Then you pickety pick,
Until you're tater bug sick,
Tater bug spotting is quite an alarmer.

Some eat tater bugs for lunch,
Or, they mash them up for cider punch,
But, I can conceive,
Of a tater bug heave,
And, when they come up they still have a crunch.

　

SUNTAN WITH A CRAYON

No matter what poor Karen couldn't tan,
So, she tried drawing one on with a crayon,
She couldn't get the right hue,
So, she just crayoned herself blue,
Now, she matches the color of her minivan.

THE WHERE DO TUNA FISH COME FROM LIMERICK

There was a small sunfish named Ray,
He lived way out in the great bay,
He fell in love with a blue whale,
Named Darlene Abigail,
And that's where tuna fish come from, they say.

BARRY WAS SO SKINNY THAT HE LOVED THE EXTREME HEAT

Barry was really young and very skinny,

So to him, the extreme heat was a winny,

His parents would whine,

But, Barry felt extra fine,

Until, while swimming a shark bit off his finny.