THE MAILMAN AND MY BIRTHDAY MONEY

My grandma said my birthday money was sent directly in the mail,
But, the mailman confessed to stealing it now, he's locked up in the jail,
But, without grandma's money,
My birthday's not sunny,
And, I have no Xbox to play after this tale.

THE ICE FESTIVAL DID NOT GO WELL

The "Ice Festival" did not go well this year,
I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer,
The water was ice cold,
And, I'm just getting too old,
I'd prefer "Summerfest" 12 months of the year.

YETTI SPAGHETTI MEATBALLS: A MICHIGAN RECEIPE

Danny Dill was a real restaurateur,
He had found an angle; a meat lover’s lure,
Danny Dill hunted the Michigan Yetti,
Then, made Yetti meatballs for his spaghetti,
To Yetti clans Danny Dill was a Cur.

I WAS WATCHING THE NORTHERN STAR

I was watching the northern star,
Unfortunately, I was driving my car,
I hit some black ice,
My car spun round thrice,
I ended up in the same lane at par.

IT'S THE TIME OF THE YEAR...

It's the time of the year when Santa goes "Ho,Ho",
It's also the time when my snow-blower won't blow,
I'm stuck in the house,
With the kids, dog and, spouse,
I'm just hoping that Santa will show.

THE WALNUT SILLY RHYME

My eyes grew tired,
My eyes went shut,
My shell was cracked,
I am a walnut,

I have no eyes,
At least none to see,
I'm a tasty treat,
Oh, woe is me.

BIG BUCK DEER HUNTING-HAIKU

Big buck deer hunting,
Cold, wet, slimy stumps, nose runs,
No see, no shoot, DRAT!

AN ELECTION OR TRICK OR TREAT

An election is like questioning Trick or Treat,

Maybe none of the candy is fit to eat,

And, no matter which kind you pick,

Chances are you'll get sick,

Fancy wrappers are covered with deceit. 

FINANCIAL MARKETS ARE ALL IN THE TANK

Financial markets are all in the tank,
We have all those fraudsters to thank,
Of course, I'm not too bold,
I sold off and bought gold,
And, burned through all my cash in the bank.

MY FISH WENT FLYING

I put my fish up for sale,
While it was still flopping around in the pail,
But, I didn't get a buyer,
Just one very high flyer,
An eagle stole my fish by the tail,

THE SPIDER ROYAL RIVALRY

Fly Biter was the spider king,
He knew so cause he had the royal ring,
But, he got caught in a web,
Spun by his big sister Deb,
Now, she claims to be queen with her bling.

GRANDMA'S PORCELAIN RABBIT

My porcelain rabbit went to the floor,
It scattered pieces from the TV to the door,
The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase,
But, I think I'll not replace,
I'll use the money to buy a pizza, ...toppings four.

MY ROSES WERE NOT SO TOUGH

Although they survived the summer covered with blight,
I'm afraid all my roses got frozen last night,
I was so sure they were tough,
And, would survive the weather when rough,
 But, my roses gave up to the cold with no fight.

THE LIMERICK OF THE NASTY TWEETER

When Ron reads tweets about him he gets really mad,
Because, the tweeters who tweet about him tweet him really bad,
But, Ron tweets tweets all the day,
And, has nasty things to say,
If Ron would stop tweeting so much I'd be glad.

TOTAL MICHIGAN SEASONS : 2.1

In Michigan you don't get much fall,
Fall is hardly a season at all,
Fall is just a small splinter,
Between summer and winter,
And, the spring season we don't get at all.

DRIED BLUEGILL FONDUE

I caught some fish with gills of blue,
I dried and dipped them in fondue,
But, they caused many moans,
Because they were full of bones,
And, their insides were all goo.

THE MUFFLER (FROM RUST TO DUST)

While in my car I heard the worst darn sound,
When my muffler fell and hit the ground,
My muffler had melted to rust,
And, was now mostly just dust,
At least that's all that I found.

GETTING A CLEAR TV SIGNAL

My cable picture is pixeled,

My dish picture's all haze,                

My antennae big booster,          

Boosted my TV with a blaze,

Now, after all of my trouble,

My house lies out in burnt rubble,

It’s a reality show that my neighbors may gaze.

HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

My fingers got blown off today,
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because, of hot apps downloaded in May.

WHAT'S UNDER THE DOCK?

I went to pull in my boat dock,
I didn't need it cause my boat was in hock,
But, upon wading into the water,
My right foot grew painfully hotter,
For a shark had bit my foot off and sock.