AN ICE FISHERMAN'S REVENGE

I caught a snowman fishing in my shanty on the lake,
He had caught fifty perch, it was a really great take,
But, he would not share,
So, to make it all fair,
I locked him in my shanty and turned the stove up to bake.

NO CALENDAR NEW YEAR

It's January One and it is the worst,

The new year has begun and it's already the first,

Auld Lang Syne we have sang,

And, I have no calendar to hang,

Soon, the vein in my forehead shall burst.

 

POOR PLANNING ON MY NEW YEAR'S EVE

I had poor planning on my New Year's Eve,

Thin ice lost me my sled on Little Lake Steve,

And, deep the motor went humming,

Be there till second coming,

Perhaps insurance will grant me reprieve.

MERMAID IN A CAN OR PSYCHOLOGY 101

I like tuna fish but, the family will not touch,

I say it's the perfect fish but, they say the fish taste is too much,

So, tuna fish at my house is under a family ban,

But, we all chow down on what I've renamed "Mermaid In A Can." 

GEORGE WAITED TO SEE THE NEW YEAR

George waited to see the New Year,
He drank fifty cans of light beer,
To the bathroom he went,
He stayed in there 'till Lent,
So he misssed all the fun and the cheer.

A BAD LIMERICK

I made a limerick up last week,
Its rhymes were solid but rhythms weak,
It wasn’t funny,
Or sad or sunny,
And, its wisdom you would not seek.

CANNING TOMATOES HAIKU

Canning tomatoes,
Big mess on counter and floor,
Spoiled, belly ache.

THERE WAS A BAND THAT PLAYED TOO LOUD

There was a band that played too loud,
They were really bad but, quite proud,
They could not rap,
Nor rhythm tap,
They could never did draw a big crowd.

MY PRETTY PET PIG

My pretty pet pig felt so forsaken,
When her boyfriend was sold for back bacon,
I fed her a lunch,
It was bacon,” crunch, crunch”,
She wonders why her heart had been achin’.

THE MIXED METAPHOR OPINIONS

Once I was a young belligerent fool,

My refrigerant filled veins I thought were cool,

I was a well meaning gent,

But, my opinions were  too bent,

To make them a real useful tool.

   

TOTAL MICHIGAN SEASONS : 2.1

In Michigan you don't get much fall,
Fall is hardly a season at all,
Fall is just a small splinter,
Between summer and winter,
And, the spring season we don't get at all.

SANTA WENT FISHING LIMERICK

Santa went fishing way out on a bay,
He ran out of bait so he used his tope,
He caught a big steelhead trout,
His tope went to the bottom no doubt,
Now, Santa is bald untill this very day.

ODE TO THE DEEP DARK WEB

Why not live on the deep dark web,
The deep dark web's for me,
Why not live on the deep dark web,
Where the media all comes free,

I use to pay for this and that,
Yeah, all those subscriber fees,
I ate Ramon noodles while the fat cats got fat,
I watched old TV while they watched new sleaze,

Now, I recommend the deep dark web,
You get great content without the billing,
The games, music, and shows on the deep dark web,
Are absolutely thrilling,

Well, things have changed an awful lot,
Since, I found the deep dark web,
It's like I've found a new formed Camelot,
While, my cash outflows have a major ebb.

THE FISH BAIT WHITTLER

I sat in my yard swing giving four hours to a whittle,
Carving a fish bait to the size of a skittle,
Now, some think I should do more,
Than wasting hours times four,
But, I think carving wastes my time very little.

HENRY'S RUBBER CRAWLERS

Henry went fishing with his rubber crawlers,
They work really well behind fishing traulers,
Just tie on the harness for the worm,
Watch him wiggle and squirm,
Some worms are just natural brawlers.

MY COMPUTER IS SLOWING WAY DOWN

My computer is slowing way down,
My smile is now a stiff frown,
Could  it be  a virus today?
Or, the net's slow with E-bay?
I'm going  to bed after I put on my gown.

THE CATFISH WAS A GAS AT MY PARTY

A well dressed catfish showed up at my party,

We played clue and that catfish was a smarty,

He always knew which weapon and room,

And thus, the murderer he could assume,

Too bad he ate bean dip and got farty.

BANKERS THEE

Mel and Bernie Bankers Thee,
What will you guys take from me?
You took my money,
You took my house,
You even took my kids and spouse.

GUIDE TO BEING A LADIES MAN LIMERICK

If a guy over ladies wants power,

Then, at least once a day he should shower,

And, to remove a romantic despair,

A guy should well wash his hair,

And, fart only once every hour.

A LEPRECHAUN NAMED PETE

There was a leprechaun named Pete,
Corned beef and cabbage was all he’d eat,
He was full of green gas,
And, could not get a lass,
He made music all night tweet, tweet, tweet.

There was a leprechaun named Sam,
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”