I thought my walk in the woods would be very lame, Then, along came a panther and he was not tame, It was time for his dinner, And, I'm never a winner, So, ended my search for both fortune and fame.
There was a butterfly named Irving, When he flew he went a swerving, He got by a bird and bat, And, an orange kitty cat, They found his moves perturbing,
Irving the butterfly liked to dance, The lady butterflies he'd romance, Irving strove to improve, His every dance move, So, his lady luck he could enhance.
Randy lived way out in the sticks, He was covered with all kinds of ticks, He itched and he scratched, Till, his skin was detached, He glued it back on with wax melted by wicks.
I saw a spider-web when I looked outside, It was in my window, over half as wide, I found in the web, A black-widow named Deb, She bit me and that's how I died.
I went fishing, wading out in the dark, I was hungry and my kitchen was stark, I had my red worms and beer, And, the beer gave me such cheer, Until, I stepped on a hammerhead shark.
I was planning on using my cash earned from potatoes,
To fund my winter trip to Barbados,
Of course my potatoes this year,
Have been ate by the deer,
And, my arthritis won't let me pick tomatoes.
My porcelain rabbit went to the floor,
It scattered pieces from the TV to the door,
The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase,
But, I think I'll not replace,
I'll use the money to buy a pizza, ...toppings four.
I say a cheerful hello ten times everyday, But, the reactions leave me in a state of dismay, Words and hand gestures I can't say, An occasional backside display, I guess being cheerful is a job with no pay.
A trumpet carillon played all through the night,
They kept me awake which started a fight,
But their brass horns hit true,
Making me all black and blue,
And, up my nose my piccolo fit real tight.
Little thief Edgar stole things starting with the letter "T" Be it a trinket, trombone, tether ball or TV, The item's value he didn't care, He stole for the dare, But thieving led him to profitability.
I had a really bad, bad fright, It was a weird monster I met one night, It was a green Amoeba, It's name was Reba, I think my eyeballs weren't screwed in right.
When I dug a hole to plant a red maple tree, Oops! I cut the cable to my cable TV, But, the cut electrical wire, Which caused a neighborhood fire, I didn't do so, please don't blame me.
Gordo slayed a dragon so big, He couldn't haul it away with his donkey-cart rig, So, he decided to stay, And, ate well for one day, Then, rode off like a pot-bellied pig.
I picked strawberries that were overly ripe,
And, the juice ran off my counter, oh cripe!
Of course it takes work and not brains,
To get out carpet stains,
So, my white carpet has a red stripe.