My grandma said my birthday money was sent directly in the mail, But, the mailman confessed to stealing it now, he's locked up in the jail, But, without grandma's money, My birthday's not sunny, And, I have no Xbox to play after this tale.
The "Ice Festival" did not go well this year, I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer, The water was ice cold, And, I'm just getting too old, I'd prefer "Summerfest" 12 months of the year.
Danny Dill was a real restaurateur,
He had found an angle; a meat lover’s lure,
Danny Dill hunted the Michigan Yetti,
Then, made Yetti meatballs for his spaghetti,
To Yetti clans Danny Dill was a Cur.
I was watching the northern star, Unfortunately, I was driving my car, I hit some black ice, My car spun round thrice, I ended up in the same lane at par.
It's the time of the year when Santa goes "Ho,Ho", It's also the time when my snow-blower won't blow, I'm stuck in the house, With the kids, dog and, spouse, I'm just hoping that Santa will show.
Financial markets are all in the tank,
We have all those fraudsters to thank,
Of course, I'm not too bold,
I sold off and bought gold,
And, burned through all my cash in the bank.
I put my fish up for sale,
While it was still flopping around in the pail,
But, I didn't get a buyer,
Just one very high flyer,
An eagle stole my fish by the tail,
Fly Biter was the spider king, He knew so cause he had the royal ring, But, he got caught in a web, Spun by his big sister Deb, Now, she claims to be queen with her bling.
My porcelain rabbit went to the floor,
It scattered pieces from the TV to the door,
The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase,
But, I think I'll not replace,
I'll use the money to buy a pizza, ...toppings four.
Although they survived the summer covered with blight,
I'm afraid all my roses got frozen last night,
I was so sure they were tough,
And, would survive the weather when rough,
But, my roses gave up to the cold with no fight.
When Ron reads tweets about him he gets really mad,
Because, the tweeters who tweet about him tweet him really bad,
But, Ron tweets tweets all the day,
And, has nasty things to say,
If Ron would stop tweeting so much I'd be glad.
In Michigan you don't get much fall,
Fall is hardly a season at all,
Fall is just a small splinter,
Between summer and winter,
And, the spring season we don't get at all.
I caught some fish with gills of blue,
I dried and dipped them in fondue,
But, they caused many moans,
Because they were full of bones,
And, their insides were all goo.
While in my car I heard the worst darn sound,
When my muffler fell and hit the ground,
My muffler had melted to rust,
And, was now mostly just dust,
At least that's all that I found.