A GOLD FISH NAMED BUCKY

There was a goldfish name of Bucky,
At the casino he was nothing but, lucky,
Every pull came up cherries,
No bananas of berries,
He swam his winnings back home to Kentucky.

I HAD A PIG NAMED PAUL

I had a pig named Paul,
He lived with the horses in a stall,
He wouldn't live with the pigs,
He did not like their digs,
Paul was not very piggy at all.

JOB ENDS AND THE MONEY QUEST

My job ended on the fourth of May,

I didn't have the rent money and they wouldn't let me stay,

So, I've sold all my pots and my pans,

Have been collecting bottles and cans,

But, I got locked out of my apartment today.

NO BIG FISH TO FISH

No big fish in the lake so, I'm not fishing,

Too much algae so, no fish fry dishing,

Now, in my free time I mow lawn,

Fertilize it at break of dawn,

But, it's time threading worms I be wishing.

April June Bugs

In April I went looking for the bugs of June,

I know it's early but, the weather's opportune,

With this strange global warm,

New seasons take form,

I take bugs now for the desert comes soon..

MY BANKER OWNS A SNOT MACHINE

When I go to see my banker,
He is snoty never mean,
That's because my banker owns,
A delux snot machine,

He tells me that my account is low,
And, I do not save a lot,
He tells me if I'd save some more,
He'd give me some free snot,

I told him to keep my money,
If, he would bother me no more,
Life is just so very short,
Snot's not worth living for.

I AM SPARTACUS, NOT

I dreamt I was a gladiator back in ancient Rome,

My chest was exposed, as was my lack of muscle tone,

Of course, I noticed that my sword,

Was made of thin cardboard,

Then, I felt the Roman spear through my belly and backbone.

ENTER MY WORK DOMAIN

When you enter there you have to stoop,🐫

Of course, it is a chicken koop,🐤🐤🐤🐤

No chickens even 5'4",🐥🐥🐥🐥

So, it is a much shorter door,🐾🐈

STOP! Don't touch the floor because it's poop.🐔🐓🐔🐔🐔🐣🐣🐣🍳

I'M PREPARED FOR THE END OF THE WORLD (EOW)

I've prepared for the end of the world,

My surrender flags I have unfurled,

I have quantities of stash,

Of root beer and corn hash,

And, a still complex that will leave my hair curled.

A TIGER NEAR THE WOODS

I came upon a tiger lying near the village woods,

I asked him if he knew someone in the nearby hoods,

He said I should not feel a scare,

That he was just there for repair,

His lawn mower was getting fixed at Alfie's Garden Goods.  

THE GRAVY CRUNCH

I went to Gravy Jones's Locker for lunch,

There the gravys' so crusty it has a nice crunch,

And, when added to a roast beef,

Garnished with a bay leaf,

Well, there won't be leftovers for a later on munch.

NEW MOON, JUNE, BABOON, BROTHER-IN-LAW HAIKU

New moon, June, baboon,
Summer guest, brother-in-law,
Slob, eats well, don't flush. 

APPLE PIE FOR EASTER

I bought 21 apples to bake in my healthy apple pie,

I wanted ones with worms for the family's meat supply,

I'll use a dab of cinnamon and lots of grease and flour,

I'll use10 cups of sugar and that will give the family power,

So on the day of the Easter feast,

We'll be eating pie, not an oinking beast.

A Werewolf Ate My Peanut Butter

A werewolf ate my peanut butter; he licked it all out of my jar,

Then, he asked me for my jelly and I told him be had gone too far,

My little pint of jelly I was saving for a friend,

And, I was bound to save it although, it meant my mortal end,

I did not save my jelly and they found my body under my car,

At least what was left of it, packed in my jelly jar.

DON'T BOTHER WITH THE SANTA GIFT HELPLINE

The sweater I ordered from Santa was too tight:  it caused me pain!

Well, I called the Santa helpline so, I could complain,

But, they were so terribly bold,

They put me on permanent hold,

Hammering "Jingle Bells" deep into my brain.  

I FLIP CAKES FOR BUNNY

 I flip pancakes for some money,
I top the cakes with eggs all runny,
And, later in the day,
I flip burgers for some pay,

Then, I head home to feed Miss Kitty and Bunny.

COLOSEUS: THE GIANT FISH THAT WALKS ON LAND

Out on the island of Mackinaw,
The strangest beast appeared,
Some say it was a two legged fish,
All Mackinawians saw it as weird,

It came up from the cold depths of Lake Michigan,
It was on a stormy November Eve,
The fairies had closed down for the winter again,
But, there were caretakers who could not leave,

Caretakers watched from the apartments,
As the lightning danced round in the sky,
A creature walked from the lake with garments,
Of seaweed hanging from it's head to it's thigh,

It's mass was that of a fish called a carp,
But, it had legs on each side of it's tail,
It bared large teeth looking for food to scarp,
The creature was large and could eat a whale,

It was named Colossus, it's eyes fixed like stone,
It's hunger to eat seemed so intense indeed,
It's razor sharp teeth could saw through any bone,
It's number one issue was it had to feed,

The caretakers first watched and then trembled,
As the creature chased down an orange cat,
Then, the caretakers quickly assembled,
They decided to fight and no one would scat,

The creature seemed attracted to light,
As it made it's way up to the hotel on a hill,
It was moving toward the Grand Hotel sight,
Where it could dine upon it's favorite kill,

The caretakers had devised a devious plan,
It was simple but if it worked it was good,
They'd chase it off with the roar of a cannon,
The Mackinaw Island would be at peace as it should,

The old cannon had been there for 300 years,
It took pride blasting enemies in war,
It was old but, when fired brought about tears,
It's cannon balls likely settled the score,

So, two young caretakers ran behind the thing,
They ran toward the beach of the Michigan sea,
They yelled, hollered and taunted with a sing,
The monster saw them and he couldn't let them flee,

The two legged monster fish pursued with a thrust,
He knew he could catch them with a jump and a pounce,
If he landed on top the caretaker would bust,
But, catching and eating is all that counts,

When the caretakers came to the end of the beach,
They knew that real soon there would be a big boom,
They turned toward the monster hearing a screech,
Behind fish monster it sounded like doom,

The fish monster wailed as he felt the heat burn,
He geared up fast toward the lake without any turn,
Everyone said as the monster swam out of sight,
"Come back next year fish and we'll give you a fight".

HERBIE THE FRYING OCTOPUS

An octopus swam like he could fly,

Through the water he swam like it was sky,

The octopus I named Herbie,

And, ran him in the Fish Derby,

He lost but made a splendid fish fry. 

HENRY LIKED BEING A FEASTER ON EASTER

Henry was quite the feaster,
He looked forward to dinner on Easter,
Instead of turkey or ham,
He'd rather eat Spam,
Spam was his favorite farm beaster.

THE MAID KILLED THE EGGS

My house was so dirty I hired a maid,

The first thing she did, she bug sprayed and bug sprayed,

She killed all the bugs,

In my linens and rugs,

And, the eggs in the fridge the bugs laid.