BECAUSE THE CHRISTMAS PIGS HAD RUN AWAY LIMERICK

Because all the Christmas pigs had run away,
We had to eat tuna fish on Christmas day,
And, from my family there was no praise,
We didn't have mayonnaise,
Should have had TV dinners with a plastic tray. 

THE POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD

Politicians must start thinking with clarity,
The earth is filled with the severed heads of kings,
Who, managed their people with austerity,
While, taking away all of  their things.

TIME TRAVEL CAN HURT

When I climbed up into my old tree house I time traveled back thirty years,

When I fell through the rotting boards it brought back my childhood tears,

The pain was not just from falling,

But, the taunting voices calling,

Then, when I broke some bones the taunts roared into blissful cheers.

SANTA HAD AN EVIL BUSINESSMAN'S ID

Santa had an  evil businessman’s Id,
Although at Christmas he would keep it well hid,
Santa liked to throw snowballs at elfin workers,
If he felt that they were elfin work shirkers,
So, on ice the elves  tripped him and laughed as he slid.

 

BITERS MAKE ME HIDE

Upon my pond glide scary riders,

Many call them water spiders,

So, in my pond I won't sit,

Too afraid to be bit,

Instead, I'll go back up the beach with the hiders.

THE WATER PIPE AND BRAIN SAUSAGE

The Doc asked me so, I counted one, tooo, tree, 

My infant tongue betrayed the mind of me,

I destroyed my mind and my good soul,

Smoking a water pipe of charcoal,

I can no longer control the timing when I wee.

MY ONLINE CHRISTMAS DECLINE

I bought all of my Christmas online,

Even the dinner and wine,

The dinner arrived cold,

The wine cork taste was bold,

I'm now the host with host skills in decline.

ONE FOOT DONNY GOES TO RUSSIA

Donny played no golfing game, 

His missing foot was to blame,

Donny thought his foot was stolen,

When he misplaced it up his colon,

Although Donny had TV fame,

His colon fetish made him lame,

For fame in Russia he did aim,

Soon, they'll regret the day he came.

BIG DONNY MACHO

Donny thought he was a macho man,

Because he ate pasta from a can,

Donny was six times the weight,

Of any normal mate,

Donny thought each gawker was a fan.

RED BASEBALL HATS

I've decided to quit wearing baseball hats,

The red ones especially have major loser stats,

So, like granddad and aunt Cora,

I'll be wearing a fedora,

The fedora is often worn by the ultra styling cats.

THE POLITICS OF THE ELEPHANT

There was an elephant all large and fat,
The elephant knew where the peanuts were at,
It kissed the big rears,
Of the rich who inflict tears,
The elephant didn’t care as he ate where he sat.

THE WOODCUTTER FELLED A BIRCH ON A CHURCH

Willie the wood cutter cut down a big birch,
But, Willie felled the birch wrong, upon the neighborhood church,
The birch knocked off the bell,
On poor Willie it fell,
Willie found a heavenly cloud where he'll perch.

NO HOPS, DRINK POPS WITH NO TOPS

This year I had a failed crop of hops,

So, now all winter I drink shots and pops,

But, it's beer that I'll crave,

Until, I go to my grave,

I so miss those beer foamy tops.

Donny Did A Dirty Deed

Donny did a dirty deed,

When he lost his online feed,

He pardoned bandits that were his seed,

And, all his nasty friends he freed,

Donny was a dirty deeder,

He prized his thoughts and was no reader,

He acted like he was a weeder,

And, failed badly as fearless leader.

DONNY WET TO BED LAST NIGHT

Donny wet to bed last night,

Because his jammies were too tight,

They put on a squeeze,

He peed with ease,

Now,  Donny's bottom has diaper blight.

THE ANIMAL FARE MADE SCENTS

I went to the Fair and was taken aback by the vapors,

The smells weren't advertised by the pictures in papers,

So, I held my nose,

But, absorbed the scents in my clothes,

I washed my clothes then, had a salad with capers.

TWO SKUNKS MADE A NEST UNDER MY DECK LIMERICK

Two skunks made a nest right under my deck,
They had little babies and they were cute as all heck,
Though the smells did appall,
The skunks went away in the fall,
They were cute but my sinuses are a wreck.

ICE FISHING WAY OUT ON THE LAKE

I went ice fishing way out on the lake,
The blue gills were a pretty good take,
The gills flopped about with ease,
Until they started to freeze,
They were fine when I unthawed them on bake.

DONNY STOLE TEN BILLION BUCKS

Donny stole 10 billion bucks,💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰🤑

He loaded it onto pickup trucks,🚚🚚🚚🚚🚚🚚🚚🚚

No one knows how,🤔

The money got to Moscow,🛫✈✈✈✈🛬

Where, it paid for tans and tummy tucks.🍊🐖

MY SKUNK NAMED AMADEUS

My gal and I had a skunk named Amadeus,
Whenever he’d see us he couldn’t help but to spray us,
We did nothing at all wrong,
To get a taste of his smelly bong,
Our pet skunk through our lives into chaos.