THE LOVES OF MISS TAM

My dear little lady Miss Tam,

Was the peanut butter that I thought went with my jam,

But, her first love was for another,

Namely, her overprotective mean mother,

Then, her next love was cabbage rolls full of ham.

THE JANUARY GRIZZLY BEAR THAW AND KNAW

During this last January thaw,

Out from the snow flailed a grizzly bear's claw,

So, I ran away,

Still am running today,

But, the grizzly will soon have me for a knaw.  

A COMPLETELY STUPID LIMERICK

While I was away fishing on a bridge,

A giant tuna robbed my fridge,

And, what was taken?

It was ten pounds of bacon,

The tuna fried my bacon on a high mountain ridge.

MY COW DRANK WATER FROM MICHIGAN'S FLINT RIVER LIMERICK

My cow wandered down to the Flint River to drink,

She took only one sip and then she turned bright pink,

Now, she no longer gives milk,

But, all day just spits silk,

It's the river water that caused this I think.

SOMEONE STOLE MY LUNCHBOX

I'm kind of a saver, clever fox,
Saving money by taking my lunch,
But, each day my lunchbox was stolen,
Along with my thermos full of punch,

I tried to protect my black lunch box,
And, I was not very vague,
I had written on it in red marker,
"BELONGS TO VICTIM OF BUBONIC PLAGUE,"

But, my lunchbox still went missing,
Along with my thermos full of punch,
Now, it's restaurant soup I am kissing,
And, my budget has suffered a crunch.

SALESMAN ON THE ROAD LIMERICK

To get up early every day,
And, write an itinerary by which to play,
It's a meaningless job,
For every Tom, Dick and Bob,
It's the life of a salesman gone away.

JIM'S BLING

Jim thought removing his bling would limit his power,
So, Jim cleaned his bling when he took a shower,
But, on one really hot water day,
Jim's bling melted away,
Now, Jim has decorated himself with a flower.

MY CIGAR AND BROWN SPOTTY BLIGHT LIMERICK

My cigar just would not light,
I left it out in the rain all night,
So, I threw it in the dryer,
Moved the heat setting higher,
Now, my cloths have a brown spotty blight.

OFFICE WORKER LIMERICK

Pam tapped her keyboard as she typed tippy tap,
Pam sucked down a soda as her earbuds boomed rap,
Pam worked in an office.
For a lawyer named Crawfice,
Pam filled out legal documents  with crap.

THE TURKEY IN MY SOUL

There is a turkey in my soul,
Because last Thanksgiving you see I stole,
At the Thanksgiving feast,
The wishbone of the beast,
And mom's sterling silver gravy bowl.