WINTER STARS HAIKU

Winter stars, cold, bright,
Aloof, heavens lamps, Angels,
Watching ants freeze.

THE EVIL LITTLE PEANUT

Oh, evil little peanut that sits on my kitchen floor,
Who knew your presence would cause me such dramatic horror?
For last night my great big foot,
Was upon you quite hard put,
Then, great pain I felt within and without my soul's eternal core,

Oh, evil little peanut have you not a bit of shame?
For although you disabled me, upon me you placed the blame,
For I sued you in the court,
Where you gave a false report,
There you said it was my clumsiness that left me hurt and lame.

I WENT OUT DIGGING TRUFFLES

I went out digging truffles underneath a big pine tree,

I don't know what a truffle is so I picked what I could see,

I found a bug, a can and snake,

A bottle cap and partial rake,

I wonder which one of my items a pricey truffle be.

The Bear Got Mad

I came upon a big bear face to face,

I got scared and sprayed him with some bear mace,

Then, the bear got mad,

And, I got sad,

Cause, he scattered my innards all over the place.

DENTIST BE KIND

I went to the dentist but, he wouldn't let me in,

He said I was too poor and that was a sin,

I said I had a toothache,

He replied "that's a tough break,"

Then, he recommended using pliers and gin.

DON'T BE A CHEARY DEARY

In far North Michigan we know there is no hope,

With long winters we depend on beer and poker to cope,

So don't try to cheer us with song,

We'll just take it wrong,

And, you'll be labeled for life as a dope.

Spider Bites

There were spiders climbing up the stair,

Spider bites, spider bites,

Spiders under the silverware,

Spider bites, spider bites,

Spiders in my curly hair,

Spider bites, spider bites,

Spiders in the underwear,

Spider bites, spider bites,

Spiders roam across my lair,

Spider bites, spider bites,

Spiders come out when I off the lights,

Spider bites, spider bites

I'd use some spray but, they have rights,

Spider bites, spider bites,

So, I made them friends and now were tights,

Except for Harold, he still bites.

I CURE THE BLUES

When I'm having a bad day and feeling unhap,

I do the same as what did my old pap,

I binge eat till I'm sick,

Till I'll burst with one prick,

Then, for days I'll do nothing but nap.

TEA AND COOKIES AND BEAR🏡

I was sleeping in my recliner chair,💺

When I got visited by the bear,🐻

He brewed some tea, ☕

Enough for me,🤓

I offered cookies but, for them he didn't care.🍪🍪🍪

DONNY THE CROOK CURLED UP WITH A BOOK

Donny curled up with a book,

He couldn't read but at the pictures he'd look,

Now, old Donny is retired,

Most say he was fired,

Donny the illiterate is also a crook,

When Donny had his big job at the top,

He filled his pockets with loot non-stop,

And, if a meeting you sought,

With a bribe, time you bought,

But, at the end his crime bubble went pop.

COMBAT FINGER RISING

While taunts and giggles come from their foes,

Some have terrors of the nose,

As boogers fall out and stain their cloths,

The finger rises in combat pose,

To dig out those that cause such woes.

FIRST SPRING SUNDAY IN CORNING

Although early red skies forecast a warning,

The sun shined brightly this Sunday morning,

And, the robins that paired,

Built nests so, they cared,

On this first spring Sunday in Corning.

ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT MISSED SPORTS EVENT

I thought I'd watch some hockey

But, I passed out drinking sake,

It was real late on my tic tocky,

So, I poured some scotch on some cold rocky,

Then, played some recordings of Sebastian Bachy.

SPRING SNOW AND THE PRIMROSE

I wondered where all of my primroses went,

They were under the snow some demon had sent,

Perhaps under my toes,

I crushed my yellow primrose,

Spring snow gives me reason to vent.

MY CHIN HURTS AND I SMELL, ALLEGEDLY

I think I hurt my little chin,

When I got smacked by the 1st violin,

Little Edith Bower,

Told me to shower,

And, if I didn't quit sticking she'd hit me again.

THERE WAS A CRAWDAD NAMED CLAUD

There once was a crawdad named Claude,
His claws were overly broad,
If you gave him one inch,
That's just what he'd pinch,
And, off that inch his claw sawed.

THE SPRING OF DECAY

Spring is here and there's mold on my bread,

The flies are breeding, maggots are fat and well fed,

My food all rots away,

It's all in a state of decay,

At least the food I found under my bed.

WHY SPRING CLEANING?

There are bugs in the carpet and nasty wasps on the wing,

Spider webs are so many that moving air makes them sing,

The dust is so thick,

Every breath makes me sick,

That's why I clean house every spring.

OPERATIONAL TIME TRAVEL

There's no question that I travel through time,

In the natural order it isn't a crime,

But, the direction I travel seems set in stone,

I can't travel to see skin put back on a bone,

Dinosaur bones I can see rebuilt up to the sky,

But, I can only imagine how they could live and or die,

It seems the direction of time takes me only one way,

I can move towards tomorrow but not yesterday,

You see I have often traveled from what did to what does,

But, I have never traversed from what's now to what was. 

I REPORTED MY SNOWMAN MISSING

My snowman is missing and nobody cares,

He may have been eaten by cougars or bears,

I reported that he disappeared,

The officer said it wasn't weird,

"Many snowmen are giving friends scares."